Trouble getting hard during foreplay. Took me a while to articulate what the inner critic was saying. Worked it out: “you’re not allowed to enjoy yourself freely.” Wow.
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My partner fully supports me and understands, she thinks sex is not only about penetration and is there to help me and comfort me if something goes wrong, I have evidence that she understands and that I can control it, I’ve done it before and i know it is on my hand
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My partner is satisfied by me
One thought would be to stop fortune telling because I don’t know what’s to come and to try in life is the only way to get stronger and not run from my problems
“I’m less of a man because of this”. But real men have probls sometimes and I’m actively part taking in problem solving processes.
I can’t fuck her like she needs. But I make her cum into she blacks out I’m other ways. She seems happy but I feel she needs more penetrative.
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She needs penetration to be happy, if not I am failing as a man and not fullfilung my duty… But I do make love her and satisfy her, I just have some days in which I am not in the mood for fucking, which is totally normal.
I wished she didn’t make a move on me. ← this was disqualifying the positive. The alternative thought would be. It wasn’t her making a move on you, that was the problem it was the way you reacted to it.
I just knew this was going to happen to me again. Things were going okay until I realized I was penetrating him and he was enjoying it and that’s when it went south and I knew it was going to happen. → truthfully, I didn’t know if I’d lose my erection or not as I’ve also had times recently where I as able to stay rock hard and perform penetrative sex twice in an hour and half. So telling myself it was inevitable was not logical or true.
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Last time I was so much in a negative loop, I thought: You never get it up the first time with a new person. But if it happened playfully with any reasonable expectations, there was no problem. I need to free my self from my expectations and the potential expectations of my partner and just enjoy myself and then this will work.
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Felt like: this isn’t worth trying, it’s not going to work, I’m embarrassing myself and feel ashamed. Assumed she felt like I was useless. But there was no real evidence for that
I would hope I can just reprogram my ability to just relax and just live in the moment. Not to get into my own head and self sabotage, catastrophising…
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This often happens if I’m having casual sex with a new partner. I find that I go soft in the middle of penetration. After doing this exercise I realise I’m not just a machine with no emotions, the best sex and best erections I have are with someone I know and trust and can build a connection with.
There’s no way I’m going to get hard for her. I’m going to disappointed and she’sgoing to leave me. If she’s the right one she will understand and help me
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Totally get this perspective, sometimes there is no problem with the condom and sometimes there is.
totally hear that - it feels like there is this shadow to that anxiety that is saying exactly that. “i suck … but also if she were who’s he thought she was she’d see me and understand what i need…why isn’t she doing that???”
Why am I not getting hard when she’s literally sucking my dick - I have gotten hard previously so I could get hard again. Just relax and enjoy the feeling
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Why can’t I just get hard like other guys and keep it. Just relax and remember that sex is fun and a way to relax, not get more stressed. Sex should be a way to blow off steam and connect with the important person in your le rather than another source of stress
The thought: “Oh no, here we go again, I am going to get soft right now, my partner will immediately notice and think that I am a failure, or that I am weird”.
In reality: “I can sometimes get soft, but I will go hard as easily. All I need to do is to concentrate on the feelings rather than thoughts and be in the flow. And actually my partner didn’t even notice me going soft”
That my nerves will continue to get in the way. This is not true, I never use to have a problem and I’m putting in the work to work through it/be more accepting of myself and fully believe I won’t have issues moving forward
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