Arguments and conflicts about meeting my needs as well as theirs and not feeling silly and selfish for doing so
Most of my issue is a get very spent at work. I put a lot of effort and emotion into it and I don’t have any energy left for my spouse. Trying to get around this by telling myself that work is just work and let some other people think every now and then.
Being more open and realizing we’re on the same team and trying not to make the same mistake twice so that we can work in restoring our intimacy and passion with one another.
popping the conflict bubble early before resentment takes place
my ‘gf’ (that’s how i think of her, not completely reciprocal) just blocks me whenever things are going really good. and then 'comes back’at some later date. thi k she has a Disorganized Attachment Style. never mention when she ‘comes back’, just happy she’s back.
I need to be clearer about my feelings and needs
I need to be better at communicating the little things that bother me. In my opinion these don’t feel worthy enough to bring up in the moment but they might bottle up into something bigger
Asking for things better, addressing it when I think she is mad, and sharing my fears and frustrations quicker.
Expressing my needs and limits
at times I am angry at my son, I bring him up alone after my wife died and I worry about his schoolwork. I love him and he’s really good but I worry he tries just getting by and does not want to try his best just get by. sometimes I try to help but I realise I have already made up my mind what his solution should be and he gets angry. Maybe this is what I did when my wife was alive too.
I need to work on not being triggered and reaching my partner’s poor behavour towards me. They make me feel small and without autonomy.
My needs and wants in regards to intimacy.
Dealing with my partner’s strong opinions is a challenge. She is very ridged in her thinking and it tends to lead to arguments when I see things differently. Usually I just agree with her to avoid any conflict in that moment, but then it festers and can arise at other opportune times. I’m not 100% sure how to handle this. I guess taking a cue from Rosenberg in the refugee camp would be a good way to approach it. “It seems like maybe you are feeling _______ (insert emotion).” “Would it help you if I did _______ (state what I might do to address her need)”. I could do the same by better articulating my feelings and needs.
Just my own for now. I have anxiety that I’m just starting to realize is beyond performance anxiety and more in my everyday life.
To define the boundaries in our open relationship. Are we on the same page?
I get defensive first, and it keeps me from letting my partner express herself. I also tend to catastrophize situations which frustrates my partner and makes her feel like I’m not listening to her directly.