Reprogram your negative thoughts exercise

Who knows how but I was able to get an erection for a fourth time in a week. My wife is happy and has told all her 7 friends. Other husbands have issues s well in our group.

I am please with the first few lessons. I think it is helping me.

I can reprogram my thought about being inadequate in bed. I am always anxious about getting hard and that I will never be able to. I have had really good sex with my partner though. I need to remember it’s possible and might not necessarily happen again

Last time I had sex, my erection was on and off whilst I was giving her head. The time before that, I had an erection but it went to a semi as I put it in.

Both times I ended up having sex, the latter for 10 mins and I needed to cum so couldn’t go hard and the former for 15/20 mins and had really good sex.

There’s no evidence that I’m not able to have sex, even if I’m not 100% relaxed because I’m spectating I’ve still got the ability to find a way and relax into it. There are times where it’s no problem at all and I’m rock hard very easy.

My partner always says how she never cares if that worst happens and that she doesn’t prioritise sex in our relationship. She’s also said that I’m the best sex she’s had, even with these issues and she’s shown me evidence telling her friend. I mind read a lot and I struggle to trust but I need to take what she says at face value and gain confidence from that all the time.

Since I am a paid subscriber now, I was wondering if I could have these contents to read through the day as well. Also make stickers to remind me.

Why can’t I get physically turned on, is this how it will always be ?
I have been turned on before and on occasion I still do.
Why do I feel disconnected from my penis.
I do like to masturbate whether it’s hard or not, but I’d prefer it if it was hard.

My last negative sexual encounter I came
Fast it made me feel like a failure, And inadequate.
I can reprogram this by realizing that I’m not inadequate or broken for coming fast it happens sometimes especially with all the highs and lows of daily life. A partner worth my time would understand that sex is something your can do more than once so all the pot pressure doesn’t need to fall to one instance even though it feels like it does.

She’s just saying those things to make me feel better. She doesn’t really mean it. (Disqualifying the positive)

  • Fact-check: She is honest and very expressive and verbal about her opinions. She continues to orgasm and is eager to have sex with me. Sex is only part of the relationship.
  • Alternative thought: She is “crazy” about me and thinks I am “hot” and “sculpture” -like. She chooses to spend time with me and trusts me.
  • I don’t want this happen again, why am I not hard, I am so sick of this.
  • it doesn’t always happen
  • No wonder you couldn’t get hard, you were so hyper aware of it.
    Over generalisation and fortune telling.

The thought that I have to be hard and ready to go at anytime, sometimes I’m just not in the mood and don’t want it to be forced.

The other thought is that just because I don’t have an erection right now doesn’t mean I won’t get one.

I don’t get morning wood erections
I’m not hard during foreplay and won’t be afterwards

Technically I did get in the past morning woods and some instances I was hard during foreplay

My last sexual encounter was with a really pretty girl that I dated for a couple months and I completely lost my erection during foreplay. I felt embarrassed and she even asked me if I was attracted to her (that made me feel even worse). I assured her that I was. We had had sex the night before no problem. The following night after losing my erection, she was trying to get me to have sex again but I was so worried about not being able to get it up, that I played it off as if I didn’t know what she was trying to do. I felt like a failure. I shouldn’t taken the fact that she was still willing to try and have sex with me the night after I couldn’t get it up as a sign that she maybe didn’t mind or understood.

I am frustrated because I was rock solid for the entirety of foreplay but as soon as I take a break to put a condom on I go soft. I don’t think it’s the physical sensation of the condom, but rather the pause for me to stop and think, get nervous and activate my fight or flight

Reprogram - My partner feels less if I stay hard and don’t cum or take forever. Reality - She says she’s completely satisfied because that’s not the only way she cums with me! Reality is also that she’s cums multiple times and sometimes I don’t or will only once.

My negative thoughts usually go to I’m going to be stuck like this forever, which is overgeneralizing. I also have catastrophic thoughts like we’re going to get divorced.

One negative thought I can work on today is thinking that if I try to to have sex, I will eventually lose or not even gain an erection the whole time. I realize this is only my negative inner critic trying to bring me down. Instead of allowing this negative thought send my body in fight or flight mode, I will change that negative cbt to “just because this has happened in the past does not dictate my sexual future. My penis is made from legends/gods, it can perform adequately especially with all the brain/physical exercises I have been doing. I don’t even have to focus on it, I can enjoy the moment with my partner instead of constantly worrying”

A girl who i was seeing said that i wasn’t penetrating her, which made me feel like a failure. Even though i remained hard, it killed the moment. Even though i was happy she was being honest, it made me feel tense and stressed for the rest of the night

I want to get away from thinking I’m never going to get hard enough for sex ever again, I used to manage just fine, then the anxiety started once i failed a few times

Last time I had sex, I went soft just before cumming and couldn’t cum. It is frustrating how often this happens. It feels like I have to start over. I almost want to avoid sex because I don’t want to deal with the frustration.
Fortune telling, over-generalization

We both enjoyed it and I have cum easily in the past. With work, it’s likely that I will be able to cum easily in the future.

Panicking about being in a new relationship.
Calm down - you have been seeing this girl for less than 2 months, just got with the flow and see what happens.

When I get in the cycle of not being able to get it up, I start resenting my girlfriend for even trying to have sex (which feels so crazy having been in a past relationship where roles were reversed). Now I worry I’ve conditioned my body to see her as a negative stimulus not an attractive one, which is worrying as I do love her.

Fact: every time I think about having sex, I’m writing the ending before I’ve even started the intro. My girlfriend really doesn’t care what happens so long as we’re in it together. She’s there to help, not hinder.