Overgeneralization - I will never get it up again. In fact, in most cases, I’ve had it up. So there is no evidence that I will never get it up again.
Mind reading - In fact there is no evidence that she had a bad time or thought I was ridiculous.
In fact MANY other guys struggle with the same thing. Hard truth is that sex does not always result in penetration
Last time my wife and I had sex I was rock hard during foreplay, then I lost it shortly into the main event.
-even if I do get hard I’ll just loose it again
-my wife probably wants sex with someone else who can keep it up
We had sex twice the next morning and it was great! If I do loose an erection I have to understand it will come back eventually. My wife always raves about how I make her feel when we do achieve sex.
Every time I fail to get an erection during sex, I feel like my partner is disappointed. He gets rock hard up until I’m supposed to perform. Once I get my breathing and or heart rate down, all will be good. Thanks for listening.
I had the opportunity to have sex with someone I have been talking to overseas for months, it was the first time I would have had sex with someone else in almost 9 years after a serious relationship. She is so sweet, so beautiful, my favorite person, we have such an amazing time together, but I over think my sexual encounters to the point of sometimes “whats the point if im nervous, I guess I just dont like sex” when in reality I enjoy sex and need to break this anxious habit
Here we go again, I knew this would happen, I know that I’m my own worst enemy, and stress beats me again.
In reality, having discussed the problem with my partner in advance, some time back, she’s very understanding, but I’m still beating myself up about it.
I’m finding it very difficult to find the positives.
I realized that I have to INTENTIONALLY counter the negative thoughts and feelings I sometimes have. But first I need to recognize that I’m having them and that they are not true.
Last night, I got hard, but after fingering her for awhile, I started to get worried about staying hard. When she finished, I started freaking out even more. All the excitement I had was just being washed away by anxiety.
Because I had unstimulated time to think, it makes sense why I started to get anxiety.
She started touching me and I noticed I was still hard, and I wanted to finish asap so to relieve the pressure of staying hard. She started giving a handjob from an awkward angle, so I asked her to switch postions, and when we did I got freaked out, and pretty much lost my erection. I felt so ashamed and embarrassed.
I was already anxious, and getting stimulated from an uncomfortable angle didn’t seem to help.
Then I stopped everything and told her I felt guilty for going too far so soon. This is the first time this has happened. She only has experienced me being hard during dry humping- and 2 kinda quick handjobs with my pants barely off. Those successful handjobs happened with no interruptions, no time for me to think too much.
I had drank a lot this night (I had a huge hangover the next morning), that might not have helped. She later said she felt bad I didn’t finish, wondered if it was because she had been doing a bad job or if it was because I was feeling guilty. I told her it was guilt- which is not exactly true, but I though it’d make me look better. I’m scared that she’s going to be worried the next time we get intimate, and I’m worried I won’t fix this problem, and that I’ll be a disappointment.
She did keep telling me how much she loved me.
I did take care of her! I bet she was happy about that.
I get very anxious and/or distracted during foreplay which makes it difficult to stay hard. I know my girlfriend is impatient and she’ll give up first. So why bother trying?
Alternatively, I could just make the best of the situation instead of worrying about her impatience and my performance
I need to reprogram that just cause it happened one doesn’t mean it’s gonna happen again
right when we;re about to have sex i just tell myself i will lose my erection again.
i wont lose my erection i just think i will so i do.
That I’m uncomfortable and not in the right position to engage in fully satisfying sex. This is emotional reasoning that let’s obstacles to sex (not being in the right position, the cat jumping on our bed, it being cold etc) become bigger deals than they are because I am strong, flexible and lighthearted. These are tools I can use along with spousal communication to stay intimate.
Since I have been having issues getting and/or keeping an erection, the first thing going through my mind as we get intimate is that I will not get hard. Just because it happened once does not mean it will happen again.
I defeat myself before I even can give myself and body a chance
Last time we tried to have sex I didn’t get hard long enough to make it meaningful. I have no idea why exactly it happened but it was happening for a while now.
I do get hard when I wank and I do get hard with my partner in other less demanding circumstances.
I think that with some changes to my mind I will
Be able to achieve erection and have sex again.
Loved this exercise
I met a girl on Tinder. We talked for about a week. I invited her over for a movie after my kids went to bed on a Friday night. The second she walked through the door, she grabbed me and started making out. She ripped her pants off and it was on. She asked to go upstairs to the bedroom. My kids room is butted against mine.
We undressed and kissed naked for about 30 sec and she was grabbing at my dick to throw it in. I was soft. The moment took a turn and she was basically offended.
I give myself grace in this situation.
A) I never met the girl in person before. I think anyone is nervous when meeting someone for the first time.
B) I was not expecting to go straight to sex without an ounce of small talk or well… anything.
C) It was late and I was tired.
D) I was worried about waking the kids.
E) There was no foreplay.
F) She made no effort to try and get me hard. It was just expected.
Positives:
A) I’m actually great at sex when I get going. Very seldom I get through it without making a girl O.
B) When I am settled and confident I can get hard no problem.
C) When I do get my erection I can last a whole session without worries.
D) She hit me up and wants to get together again.
I have basically stopped trying to stick it in at this point, and I have only resorted to pleasuring her with other methods. I always think that I won’t be able to get it up anyway, so I’ll just do it the way I always do it. However, there have been times that I have gotten hard, and almost stuck it in. I can tell overtime that I am starting to get closer and closer to my goal. I just gotta keep persevering and reach my end goal
The thought of me losing it midway needs to go away. I’ve actually started “practicing” and timing myself using a fleshlight in standing positions and other positions that I’ve convinced myself I lose my erection in. I can go 30 minutes and never lost it. I’ve noticed during sex that I’m so focused on not losing it that I’m tensing my pelvic muscles and it goes limp. But during my “practice” as long as I remain relaxed it doesn’t matter how many times I move around, how long I stand etc. It remains hard
The last time I had a sexual encounter was about a week ago when I had a girl I knew from a different city I lived in fly in for the weekend. It had been several months since I had sex, and I worried that I would cum too fast to get enjoyment out of sex. As a result I overdid it with the masturbation the day before she came thinking that it would help me last longer because my penis wouldn’t be as sensitive. What this resulted in was me not being able to get it up, which lasted all throughout the weekend and we didn’t have penetrative sex at all. I think the first time was mostly because I burnt myself out sexually when I masturbated the day before, and from there it was probably psychological since I had this issue the day she came in. I truly believed she wouldn’t want to see me again after that, despite no negative reactions from her and the weekend aside from that being fun. She’s still talking to me and is talking about coming down again. I had a lot of negative thoughts from this time, I think a lot of it is because when I had this issue with an ex and she made it all about her and made it a bigger deal than it should have been, she wasn’t supportive and I need to recognize that she was wrong for that, not me. This girl didn’t act that way and I’ve had successful sexual encounters after my ex and I broke up, so I know this isn’t permanent and that great sex awaits me again. That’s what I’m reframing, my sex life will improve, I made a mistake, and this issue isn’t permanent.
Whenever the moment comes where I need to be hard I lost my erection. Im a grower not a shower and get embarrassed by how small my penis gets when I lose my erection - they must be disappointed or judge me.
I need to remind myself that I’m hard almost all of foreplay and most times they see my dick hard as a rock first - it’s a very good size erect. Some guys even find it impressive how much my dick changes from soft to erect.