Is it hard? No. Is it hard? No. Ah it’s happening again.
I need to reframe my thinking and stop catastrophising. Just because I wasn’t hard once doesn’t mean i won’t be hard ever again.
I can do it, it just means more foreplay and being more relaxed.
I recognized myself in some posts below like sex feeling like homework or a chore because I’m like “it may not work so why bother” and not being in the moment. It was the first time with this really attractive girl so I was stressed and when I got an erection, I would lose it when entering her. When we cuddled, I could sense my erections coming back so when I’m relaxed it seems to come naturally. She’s also in the friend group so I was definitely catastrophizing that she would tell others and I would look like a loser and not manly.
- facts : it was the first time with her so it’s normal I was stressed. It had been a while since I had sex with a new girl. I have her oral and she came twice and cuddled after and kept messaging me.
I lost my erection between putting on a condom and penetration the first time I was having sex with a new partner.
I was confused about the relationship and felt like she didn’t really want to have sex with me, we were also fairly drunk which I was maybe uncomfortable with.
This past Sunday, I failed twice to get and maintain an erection during the same attempt to have sex. The day before, I was able to maintain one and get my girl to orgasm. I can do both, but I put so much more emphasis on my failures that my brain goes to that network first. I need to refrain from only believing I’m a failure.
I had sex for the first time with this girl. I was able to get hard during foreplay but I lost my erection when I started to have sex. And it was exactly my thinking before penetration: “I am gonna lose my erection”. The truth is that I have been able to have sex and keep the erection before, even when using condom, which can make you to feel less.
I assume that the ED problems are permanent (over-generalizing) instead of realizing that it probably started from a scenario that turned on the inner critic and then grew after a fight or flight incident shortly after. And then I had mold toxicity for 1.5 years so now that I’m out of the fog, I still have to work on these earlier issues and the resulting self-fulfilling prophecy after so long of having low libido. Aka it MAKES SENSE
I struggle getting hard even with a pill and so I constantly predict that I will fail to obtain or maintain an erection. Its getting better though, and the last time I went soft during penetration I got hard again after a short break. My partner seems to actually appreciate these breaks and is unbothered, and has said they really enjoy the sex we have
Will no longer worry about myself just on her ,being grateful Takes away the stress for you irrational thinking
My ED does not define the fact that I am a strong a special man.
Going from foreplay to sex I can feel the erection subsiding and I panic. I try to rush sex in the same position but am worried I won’t get there and that she doesn’t like the same position over and over. When we get there I made her cum and she feels closer to me.
I find it helpful to do the breakdown in a spreadsheet.
Fortune telling, thinking I’m not going to be able to get it up during next sexual interaction.
Pre-disposes myself to unneeded pressure. It will come up if I am feeling the vibe and want to have sex.
My woman wanted to have sex, and I immediately started thinking, “you better perform because she’s the one making the move which rarely happens”. At that point, I had no chance. It didn’t work and my inner critic was screaming at me “see?! It’s happening again you loser!” I just laid their in shame trying to hold back tears. We’ve been together for 10 years and ED is a newer issue minus one or two instances 15+ years ago that still stick in my head. Now it seems like it’s snowballing out of control.
She was super supportive and didn’t show any negative signs whatsoever even though I was mind reading and assuming she was upset. It doesn’t mean I won’t be able to get hard in the future and recent “failure” doesn’t mean she’s going to leave me.
I can’t maintain an erection between foreplay and penetration, or if I do I have to focus on it 100% to make sure it stays up. I can’t enjoy the moment.
I can maintain an erection for prolonged periods in times when it’s not really needed, to an extent where its just plain annoying!
I’ve managed fine plenty of times before. It’s just the stress that causes the issue, and the issue that causes the stress. I just need to break the cycle
- I couldn’t get hard during foreplay with a really attractive guy who was the bottom and older than me I felt as if his dick was rock hard why wasn’t mine. And I have had hookups with other guys and been rock hard but this was my first time with him. And I think I have performance anxiety because I was sleeping with a stranger. I think if we meet up again I will definitely be harder.
I will not get hard just like any other time and I must think of excuses of what to tell her
It’ll be very embarrassing, she’ll be disappointed and will make fun of me in front of her friends and it’ll somehow leak to my friends who will also make fun of me
I really related to categorical imperative thinking and all or nothing thinking. For me it is an enormous expectation that I should be able to climax on demand or be able to climax inside someone without hand stimulation to get there. I realised the extremes of this and pressure I placed so the real problem.
I need to adjust my expectations for myself and allow us to have non-penetrative sexual encounters, to relieve some pressure. I know I’ve worked multiple times with no problems. While I increase my physical health, I know having non-penetrative sexual encounters more often will allow my erection to naturally perform to its full potential.
Last true bad sexual experience with S. was horrible. I lost erection during sex previous night and foretold of it. Next morning I lost it before we even started and it was the most soft ever. I was embarrassed and just wanted to run away. - catastrophizing, emotional reasoning, fortune telling, mind reading.
Alternative thought: she was just as nervous and not disappointed or as disappointed as I thought. I still ultimately pleasured her and we had a good evening. She slept on my chest all night. My issue was just comfort, anxiety, etc. easy to fix if I just put in the effort.