Fortune telling is a big one for me. In my head it’s just a question of when is it going to go down, my mind goes into overdrive trying to overcome it but also thinking when is going to be the moment it goes soft. It takes my mind out of the enjoyment of the moment into worrying about it going wrong, and then it does go wrong.
What would regularly happen with my old partner is that whenever I tried to put on a condom when hard, I’d then lose wood and go soft. I felt like I’d let her down and I felt angry and frustrated in myself as I found her so attractive. I’d keep asking myself why this was happening and in my head, I’d know it would happen again the next time.
But maybe the issue is just all in my head. Maybe I’m putting condoms on wrong. Or maybe I’m using the wrong size.
It did affect me when she started breadcrumbing me and then eventually breaking things off with me, saying that she thought I needed time by myself to work on my issues. That hurt a lot. But maybe she was right.
Was recently with someone I met at a bar but when we got back to her place, I was totally too inebriated to get hard, so I performed oral on her for at least an hour. She came multiple times. It wasn’t the best situation to put myself in, but she said she had fun. It was a one-time thing; I’m not interested in making this a thing with her. But I don’t feel like a failure.
Sometimes in the lead up to sex I feel nervous and imagine (fortune tell) that I’m not gonna be able to get hard. This then saps the excitement and makes me try to avoid sex.
I should reframe that thought pattern as:
I’m going to spend the night with this beautiful girl, whatever happens it’s going to be a wonderful experience. Penetration isn’t the end goal, plenty of fun can be had without being hard, I can pleasure her so she won’t feel disappointed and I know that I don’t have a physical problem, so as long as I relax and be in the moment, everything will work as it should. If it doesn’t, then that’s something to look forward to for us both another time.
There is something wrong with me either physically or mentally. I am fit and healthy and there is no reason for me to be having these issues
I think my ED started to get particularly bad after I topped someone, and they were hurting because of it. We stopped as soon as they told me to but some part of me still feels responsible for it ever happening in the first place, and worried it will happen again if I am not paying enough attention to my partners. Which leads me to not pay enough attention to myself and creates a situation where I am trying to mind read and really not in the moment with myself or tuned into my own body.
- I stopped when he told me to. I am not a bad person for having caused someone pain unintentionally.
- I am not hurting someone by topping them, and, further to that, inflicting pain is not inherently bad either; I enjoy certain types of pain a lot, so why can’t others?
- The people I’ve topped enjoyed it, and they’ve wanted me to keep going.
- I can trust people to tell me their limits and communicate well if we’ve discussed these things beforehand.
“I am never going to have good sex again and my relationship will turn into one of the passionless, monotonous, non-adventurous, low-on-love and high-on-resentment marriages that you see on TV and all around the suburbs”.
I (and we as a couple) have had great sex many times before and as long as I ground myself in reality, get out of my head and into the “feeling of my body”, I know that I can get rock hard and better control when I come. Even masturbation was tough for awhile due to nerves, but with all the tools I’ve learned here I am able to pleasure myself in ways I haven’t experienced in several years.
I have reached the point where i can achieve an erection and have sex normally in two different sexual positions. When my partner or i try to mix it up i have trouble. I think the reason that this is happening is that i think i am boring my partner with our basic sex life and she will leave me iff i cannot spice things up a bit. I realize i need to emphasize the fact that if i was able to defeat that type of thinking for two sexual positions there is no reason why i cant do it for all the other ones. I am
trying to celebrate the progress instead of dwelling on the setbacks.
This exercise puts right into my face that I’m still have some success with sex and partners but only time I don’t is when I put pressure on myself learn to just relax and know my body will take care of the rest turn my mind off and just enjoy because there wer times I thought for sure i wasn’t going to get hard and to my surprise I was solid for 15-25 minutes and if I still get erections I know my penis is capable and healthy still just have to remember that
He’s going to think it’s because I’m not turned on by him
Last time i coukd nkt get hard during a bj. Then I wanted intercourse but she said do not furce it. So I had to try and although I git hard I felt it was too late for her. I did not try to enter I was afraid I would lose it. Next time I went diwn on her as I was afraid to try. But she akeays lijes to try. Catastrophes! I have no evidence shr did nkt enjoy it. She does not communicate she enjoys or nkt so I get no confirmation
I struggle to get hard when I am intimately attached to Random fun is so much easier I think it’s my inner critter stabbing me on repeat
I couldn’t get hard enough last time (first time with her) - I wasn’t sure how we both felt, it was all so new, I was having fun but probably didn’t feel totally comfortable and stress free yet, ive been able to get hard the vast majority of sexual encounters in the past, especially when it’s been multiple times with the same person I can be confident in my erection
Overgeneralized thinking - just because it happened once doesn’t mean it’ll happen all future times.
I am in the position that I have lost all interest in trying to be intermate because I know I won’t get an erection. That mindset is putting a strain on my relationship and of course I rarely achieve an erection.
my last encounter with my “fantasy girl” I was so turned on by her and our forplay I was full hard, I new it and she new it. I have always put my girl first giving her a few orgasums before I even think about putting myself inside her. So I go to work on her orally giving her multiple orgasums until she can’t take it anymore and has to have me inside of her. She pulls me up and reaches down only to find a limp useless thing… I am instantly pissed and can’t belive what I have infront of me and I’m not hard.
I get stuck in my head where I am so concerned about getting an erection that it is difficult to get excited about having sex since I am so consumed with how I will perform. When my partner and I go to have sex, if everything works, my fears immediately slip away and I can enjoy it. But it feels like I have no control over that so I am always wondering if my next sexual encounter will be a good or bad experience
On many occasions I’ve lost my erection and it’s embarrassing every time. Luckily my wife is very understanding but deep down I think I’m a failure. I know it’s nothing to do with her as this issue has been the monkey on my back ever since I first started having sex.
This is an extremely important skill. Building a strong relationship with our emotional selves is extremely important for men. When we value and honor our emotional selves, we can then name them, label them when they arise, and gently use logic to balance out our previously abandoned emotional selves. Having spent a lot of time in therapy, I’m happy that this app reminded me to utilize CBT as I’m naturally able to cut through a lot of bs
stop watching porn