I took a girl home after meeting her at the pub. I was really hard when kissing her but then noticed I was going soft while going down on her. I really panicked and lost my erection. She was understanding as we had had a couple of drinks and we kept on kissing. Eventually we fell asleep together and I was able to have sex the next morning.
Not going to be able to get it up again because I failed last time… there is no way to completely predict the future. I am able to get erect when sleeping. I find my partner attractive. Able to become aroused during foreplay.
- Last time I lost my erection and felt like a failure
I know I’ve had other recent times where I kept my erectjon and sex was amazing
- Feel if I lose it again she will leave me
Truly she is beyond helpful and assured me she wants me and nobody else and we pleasure each other without sex
She will leave me.
But she hasn’t.
She is happy I’m doing this course and has stated there are other ways to be happy.
I have been losing my erections right before penetration and get frustrated because I think I should just be able to get hard. I realize I’m under a large amount of stress at work, in my home life, and anxious about being able to get and stay hard on top of everything. I’m in fight or flight all the time.
My partner wants me to cum when I’m inside but I feel I won’t be able to make it and then I think she is disappointed on me. It makes me feel a lot of pressure specially when she say it out loud. Even if I keep hard I feel I won’t be able to cum.
I always worry about getting it up or being nervous, just ending a 20 year relationship where we had great sex, always felt comfortable and had sex like 70 times in the two months after the breakup. Failed 2 times in the last 30 years, once for a medical reason, once due to overwhelming stress. Now I worry about it because of having to find a new partner. The fact is I am worrying about a tiny % possibility, the worry itself is the problem, the risk with a new partner, but if I didn’t care about it everything would be fine.
My thought of losing my erection before my partner finishes. Negative thoughts. I can and will perform!
This is going to make so that Nancy will never want to have sex with me again.
Alternative thought: She doesn’t want me to feel this way. She is willing to help me.
I can’t believe how much anxiety I have around sex now. It’s ridiculous.
Alternative thought: this anxiety will pass if I continue working on my erections.
predicting the outcome without allowing the experience to flow
I get insecure about myself and my masculinity regularly and once I failed to get an erection, it took a big toll on me and made me think that I wasn’t masculine enough and that there was something wrong with me. Especially now when I have a friend with benefit situation and I can’t get hard, I am scared that she will leave me because she seems disappointed every time I fail to get it hard.
One of my common negative thoughts is fortune telling: “you won’t be able to get hard tonight.” Every time I am with a girl, or have the prospect of being with a girl, I have these thoughts prior to any sexual interaction. This causes me to be nervous before anything actually happens, whether at dinner, the bar, etc.
These thoughts are incorrect, because I have much more experiences where I was able to get an erection than not, and my trouble is newly found. Instead of fortune telling I should be telling myself “I am going to get hard tonight” or “ getting an erection tonight is just like any other time it won’t be a problem.”
When I couldn’t get hard or not fully hard and became softer and softer during the penetration she always was nice and calm and cheerful to say it was good or even better than the last time.
The foreplay excites me, but then at the moment of the penetration I have all these thoughts of “Must stay hard, must become harder, don’t let it happen again”
After all, it’s something we could have discussed more and I could have opened up more
- i get about 75% hard in response to stimulation, but struggle to get fully hard for any length of time… therefore i’m constantly wondering whether i’ll be able to deliver… she turns me on and loves my cock, but is left wondering whether it’s something about her which i know it isn’t…
I’ve had an issue the first time with a new parter, on two occasions. Despite having subsequent successful erections with those partners afterwards, and also successful first times with others, those two occasions are what are festering the negativity. Rationalising those instances, accepting and viewing them as moments, rather than destructive, it will definitely help moving forward
- I lost my erection again after only a short time during sex
- I’ve lost erections before in the middle of sex but was able to bring them back and finish
- We were drinking a lot that night and I was exhausted from being out so late
- Put negative thought of losing my erection already before having sex
Common thought is that I am very inexperienced sexually compared to partner and who they have previously been with, and thus the sex will not be good, especially if I cant keep it up.
Reframe: a) I shouldnt assume others are getting more sex than me, as not everyone is the type to hook up; b) sex is always new between two people and they have to learn what each other likes; c) that even staying hard doesnt define the sex as good or successful.
Last time I had my new boyfriend over, I felt bad because I had a very hard boner earlier in the night while making out and sucking each other in the living room and yet didn’t fuck him for some timing reasons, but couldn’t keep a hard boner when it come time for the bedroom. I felt stupid to not have taken advantage of the sexier time. I think this disqualifies the positive of having a time where we were both really having fun earlier in the night. I think I learned more about the turn-on of being in the living room for sex and I learned more about the timing of my dick pills. Logically, I had waited too long after taking pills for my hardest boner. It could be true that I impressed my boyfriend early in the night and gave reason for hope. It makes sense to me that I find the living room more exciting.
I couldn’t get hard for long so I must’ve disappointed her
She said she’d had a nice night with me regardless
I’d drunk quite a bit so that was probably a factor
She was so sweet and kind. Maybe she genuinely enjoyed being with me that night