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I have basically given up on P in V sex and instead have gotten a lot better at various other sexual techniques. I am working on reframing my negative thoughts around erections and hope they improve, but at the same time it has been good to learn new things.
I went soft on entering and started thinking I had let my partner down. I was disappointed for both of us missing out.
When we spoke later She was actually enthusiastic and say she saw that we had a win by being hard enough to enter.
She was also hard on herself as we paused to put on a condom. Which might have taken my mind elsewhere.
Im worried that I wont be able to get it up or last long for a girl Im going to see soon. I catasrophize that if Im not really good in bed she wont want me any more. If that is the case, I deserve better, someone who wont judge me just on this one problem
It s true that my partner wasn’t bothered by my initial ED. That broke my mind reading that she must be disappointed and that we may not work out because of an unhappy sex life.
I am terrible about catastrophizing. Very bad about assuming the worst. But the fact that my partner wants to help me to figure this out shows that she’s committed to me and our relationship and making it happen
I mind read what my wife might be thinking - I need to stop doing that - have been doing it for a long time
sometimes when I lose compassion for myself i put myself down and i forget that there is still another person there who loves me and that will be understanding about my issues. They also still want to be pleasured and i am more than capable of pleasuring them in many other ways. Sex is not penetration!
I’m demonstrative when I want sex/physical intimacy. My partner isn’t most of the time. I think I’ve convinced myself that she doesn’t really want me to the point that when we are physically intimate I am still not sure she actually is really into it. This makes me think the whole time about her and not me, I think that puts a lot of pressure on me. I think I possibly need to believe that she does want me even though sometimes she tells me that she doesn’t want it that night, I respect that, but it makes me feel that we have sex whenever she wants and my feelings do not really come into it. I need to be honest with myself and learn to admit to myself when I don’t want it.
- I feel my wife was disappointed and I am causing us to have difficulties getting pregnant
- I know my wife loves me. She cuddled and hugged me afterwards. And I know I can resolve this problem with time.
I’d frustratedly ask myself “Why don’t you work??”
-she was understanding and said their is no problem with you. It happens and it’s okay
-i want to sexually satisfy my partner and i almost feels pressure to perform well almost everytime we have sex. I make myself anxious and pressured
These are just thoughts. We are humans and erections are a natural part of life. Just relax and have fun even if it doesn’t get up.
It probably happened because I’ve been tired and stressed, plus anxious about it happening. But taking positive steps to help it.
You’re not a failure. We both came and it was hot and we were relaxed and comfy after.
She doesn’t seem sick of you, she seems happy and content and keeps wanting to be naked together.
Last night with my girlfriend I could not get hard and woke up in the morning again and it did not work.
I was telling myself I wish you could get hard and thinking am I ever going to get hard again after a few drinks.
I was also in rush telling him to get hard -
I need to start telling myself
I have gotten hard before just relax and it could happen again
I’ve woken up with rock hard boners so he could work this morning
I’ve been rock hard for my girlfriend plenty of times so he could work again
The situation wasn’t right for us to have sex that night, I wasn’t in the right mood after the intense conversation we had. My partner did not care that I couldn’t get it up and she told me not to worry because she wants to take things slowly anyway.
I felt pressured to “put it in” when I didn’t feel comfortable doing that because we were staying at a friend’s house. I was ok to make out and do oral but it felt like crossing a line so when she asked me to put it in I couldn’t even get hard. It’s nice to feel wanted but I also want my boundaries respected.
This was a difficult one bc my ex partner manifested all of these things in me. She did expect me to perform at any time, she did ultimately have an affair and leave me over this issue. This is the underpinning of my issue and it’s going to be a long journey to break through.
- Negative sexual situation that happened recently- Had a difficult time maintaining an erection during foreplay and went just soft enough to make penetration very difficult, which compounded the issue and negative feedback loop.
- Negative thoughts that occurred due/ with this: You’re not going to be hard enough to fuck them this time, Anon. Why does this always keep happening?
- Both fall under fortune telling.
- While penetration in that moment wasn’t happening, I was hard enough to enjoy their pleasuring handjob later on and brought to a great orgasm. I can be hard for sex. This doesn’t always happen- the previous two sexual encounters were successful penetrations, one even happening twice!
- You had just masturbated, potentially edged, the day before and felt anxious about the ordeal, and didn’t allow myself to enjoy myself for a majority of the time. No wonder things wouldn’t be in top shape down there that time, nothings wrong with me or my penis. This hasn’t, and wont, keep happening all the time. I will have successful and pleasant sex in the future, as a result of working on these issues and remedying it.
i feel a sense of dread/pit in my stomach after foreplay or when she’s holding my penis and it’s not hard.
I get hard during foreplay and cuddling and kissing, but the friction and the fact we’re not somewhere comfortable and fully relaxed could be why i can’t stay hard
Sometimes I feel guilty for not having sex with my partner even when I’m physically but not mentally aroused. I also predict that it won’t go well so I choose the easy way out.
But the facts are that my partner has my back regardless and also it’s fine to not have sex when I don’t feel like it.