I had trouble staying hard after foreplay but I think I was just rushing from step to step because I thought that’s what she wanted. I should have slowed down, taken a step back and moved at a natural pace. Since we were moving fast and I lost my erection, it became difficult for me to believe I could change it. We did and I’ll be more natural next time
i can reprogram the negative thought that if i am not hard right at the moment i want to penetrate then sex will not happen. this is all or nothing thinking and is wrong because although this has happened to me, i was able to get hard after a little bit of time and finish having sex.
an alternative thought to this is that i often recall past times i wasn’t hard in the moment i was ready for intercourse and convince myself this time will be like the those in the past, which reinforces my negative thinking and causes stress and loss of arousal.
Last time I attempted to had sex in the back of the car I could not get my penis hard. I was turned on but could not seem to get it up.
I was embarrassed thinking that she will never talk to me again and I let her down.
This was my first time trying it with a new partner after only doing with the same girl for two years straight. I needed time to adjust. She still talks to me and we are closer than ever and will work on this to ensure I can get erected when the time comes again.
I wanted to reprogram thoughts with my brother. Seeing him as a compulsive piece of shit. But he’s a mirror into who I am. Let him be. Recognize that he has pain that has made him the way he is and try to be sympathetic instead of angry and impatient. I could do thst to myself too with thoughts of not getting it up. It’s ok. It’s not the end of the world. Really that’s out of my control. Control what I can. And let happen what I can’t.
My wife doesn’t think less of me if I go soft. She appreciates me staying with oral or manual and getting her to orgasm. “Thanks for servicing me”
Knowing (in my mind) that I’m going to lose my erection so I’m waiting for it to happen. My inner critic doesn’t just talk to me, it shouts.
Doubting that my wife is 100% truthful when she tells me its OK. Logically I know that she loves me and won’t leave or give up on sex because of my ED issues. But my penis isn’t getting the message.
I need to just keep having fun - everything up to the point of sex, all the foreplay and everything is fun - it just seems to be that when it comes to having sex, or the thought of sex itself, i seem to get in my own way! Need to make sure I’m staying in the present, no need to stress
When it comes to having child, the pressure built up inside me tells me I cannot cum. And it just gets worse. I should just enjoy the moment of sex itself.
I couldn’t get hard during foreplay and let down the girl I was seeing at the time by just deciding to basically stop it there and then as a result and I thought why does this always happen to me.
In fact it had never happened before and was totally the first time.
The problem I faced was because I built this up happening in my head for so long that it makes sense that my body therefore felt pressure to perform.
In my first encounter with a new partner I couldn’t get it up. She was understanding and wants to get physical again. Fortune telling is telling me we should go slow because I am not going to get it up. I was stressed out in that first encounter about getting it right and got stuck in a loop. Confidence builds with trust. One encounter doesn’t predict the future. Even if I can’t get hard, that’s ok. We can still have fun.
Usually when I’m single/with a new partner, I go through a period of extreme anxiety about sex and performing well in bed. I know from past experience that I am capable of this and it’s something I really enjoy, but I get myself worked up thinking ‘what if I can’t?’
Obviously once these thoughts take over, I get stuck in my own head and I can’t perform as I otherwise would have. Often struggling to get hard or stay hard. It makes sex feels challenge to get through rather than a calm experience to enjoy.
Last time I had sex, I couldn’t last long. And then I lost erection once she compared me with her ex.
I knew I was not fucking her as well as I she wanted to be fucked. I bet she was disappointed of me. I am scared that she will leave me cause I am bad at sex.
I was under immense pressure to perform. We did sleep together afterwards. So, I felt bit accepted.
I should be able to get and maintain a full erection everytime my partner wants to have sex.
I understand that this at the moment is an unrealistic expectation of myself but is being worked on.
Try not to fear it will happen again
I just knew that when I started having sex again after losing my wife that I would have difficulty getting an erection. However, I was a little drunk and afraid of having sex again. I was able to have sex the next morning, so there is hope.
My ex only likes dangerous, novel sex at the end. I always liked connected, relaxed sex. I am reprogramming that that is ok, and we were different. And I will have great sex, my way, with my next partner.
Foreplay is amazing and goes smoothly, it is passionate and fun. However, as soon as the sex starts I begin to doubt myself and my abilities. This affects my performance, then I feel like my partner won’t love me, won’t respect me, or secretly resents me but refrains from saying it because of pity. I see now I am “all or nothing thinking”, catastrophizing, mind reading, and disqualifying the positive. She is never upset with me. She is kind and considerate to me afterwards, always.
Reprogramming a thought. I’ve been in situations with beautiful women, naked and so willing, and had absolutely every reason to be rock hard. Even with half Viagara pill, taken the day before, I find myself trying to push out a boner and it feels like something is happening but it isn’t. It’s fear. Fear that it will happen again. No power down there. No problem on my own but fight or flight in front of lovely wife.
My partner lost interest in sex when I could not achieve an erection.
One negative thought I can reprogram is that I’m always going to lose my erection and disappoint my partner.