Last time I was intimate with my girlfriend, I had an issue maintaining an erection and cumming. I thought, why can’t I seem to get there to cum tonight, why am I losing my erection, immediately assuming this would be true for future moments together. Evidence against this: This has obviously happened at other points in my life, but there have been plenty of times where this issue has NOT occurred and everything was fine.
Logical: I wasn’t being touched in a way that would build up for me to cum, physically I did not feel stimulated enough to cum
Could be: Had a “formal” the day before, with lots of drinking involved, dehydrated, and tired the next day
To me: I had to pee super bad and when that happens its like impossible for me to feel stimulated, but I was too nervous to say anything
If I don’t get hard, my partner will leave me.
I literally have no evidence for that. It’s just an irrational fear. And honesty if they leave me for not getting hard or not wanting to have sex they are not my partner haha. Win - Win
Having done this for other things it felt pretty natural. It’s always just hard to really convince myself.
My erections come and go. Sometimes I can be rock hard just looking at my wife. Other times I need the touch and feel to get me going. If we change positions during sex, I will sometimes just lose my erection instantly. When I am hard, I find myself focusing so much on her that I cannot cum. This has been a big let down for me as the last 5-6 times I cannot finish. I feel it just becomes a marathon that my wife doesn’t want to be apart of. I used to be able to finish all the time with my wife. We are trying for another kid and I’m just not doing my part. My wife keeps telling me “idk what else I need to do”. She knows I’m trying but I feel it’s more in my head now. Maybe the thought of having another kid stresses me out during sex which is ultimately playing a role. I will keep trying and be optimistic that things will turn around.
Not to assume and then manifest the worst.
If I lose my erection I won’t get it back. When it starts to recede, the mood changes and its no longer fun. Reframing: if i get soft for a little bit, its ok to slow things down, stop for a little while and start to play again. Maybe liven up the situation with some sex toys, or in some other way. It’s very possible the erection will come back.
I’m often fortune telling when I have sex with my partner in that I’m not in the present but often thinking about the future. Even when it’s going well, I’m telling myself what I think will happen next. This stops me from staying in the moment and ultimately makes the experience unenjoyable
I couldn’t get hard during sex last night. I wasn’t into the guy that much and there were no extensive kissing and foreplay. I didn’t like the type of sex that he enjoyed. If it was sex that I enjoy I may be able to get hard
This is useless. Nothing will change for me.
Just because I couldn’t get hard before doesn’t mean I won’t get hard again
That I only can get hard with viagra.
Not true as I get very hard by myself when I am relaxed
That is not being intimate this week is a result of underlying disgust for me. There’s no hard proof of that happening.
I can reprogram mind reading - rhinking my partner was disappointed. They wanted to connect and I made it all about not staying hard.
I keep questioning my ability and even when I’m the moment and start getting hard I ruin it by getting into a thought train. This immediately puts a stop to all progress. I have been able to work this out with partners and have always found conversation helpful. Usually with a bit of help and cooperation things get back on track.
I constantly fall into a loop of self-ridicule and mind reading, even if the sex was good. I tell myself that the next time won’t be and that I won’t get it up. I also tell myself that my girlfriend is disappointed in me and that I’m not enough for her. But I have no evidence for any of this, in fact I have plenty of evidence supporting the opposite.
I don’t satisfy my partner when I don’t get hard enough to cum.
Truth: she still wants to stay and try again.
I immediately assume that i won’t get hard. Not even in the moment, but for days I’m advance. Then when it actually happens i immediately assume that she thinks I’m worthless and will leave me.
Some of these things may be true, but they don’t have to be.
When I relax I can perform without any problems
My seeds of doubt run deep now. Up until about 60 years old, I was always ready and rock hard. Now a few years later, WHERE did THAT go? I have gone from occasional to predominately soft. My critic’s negative thoughts are pretty much “You suck - can’t even get it up with a real live woman right in front of you.” My negative thought to reprogram is “You’re gonna fail and not get hard when it counts”. I am hopeful that relaxing, giving myself a break, and following the rest of this program, I will be successful. It is certainly possible. The plumbing is all working. Need to “reprogram” wants between my ears.
I’m going to ejaculate fast when I enter my wife.