During recent sex I had a hard time getting hard in the shower. I feel like such a failure because I’m not satisfying her and I’m not good enough for her. If I don’t improve my performance she’s going to leave for good and get it somewhere else. I was extremely anxious and amped myself up
Evidence for:
She broke up with me
We don’t have sex very often which is causing major strain
Evidence against:
You are good enough for her she’s been with you a long time and wouldn’t have gotten with you if that wasn’t the case
We didn’t break up because of one instance
It hasn’t happened every time so I don’t have evidence it would happen
She is going to leave for good. It could be true that she’s not a good fit for ME
Its logical that her lack of enthusiasm is turning me off
It could be true that she’s turning me off with her personality or looks
It’s possible you don’t enjoy shower sex because you like the slow process of love making
I think I get myself in a loop where because I didn’t get hard once or twice because of stress I think that everytime will be like that when in fact I am able to get erections with her and by myself
I lost my erectjon for my partner because I feel pressure to really perform for her, so when I don’t, I feel like less of a man. that pressure is inherently stopping me from being turned on and ejaculating however
Someone mentioned they had trouble getting an erection during sex with their partner. But when they kissed and cuddled he could get an erection. I can relate to this. I thought maybe I’m not attracted anymore to my wife and I start freaking out. But when I kiss, cuddle or grope her I start getting excited.
I was happy to have sex after relaxing and getting back to making myself hard again by myself. Then the night came for some unexpected sex and I was focused on having a good time and was feeling confident that I had been able to get some great erections all week. But wouldn’t you know. I couldn’t get hard enough. I was so disappointed in myself and I can’t understand why this happened. My wife didn’t care and actually had a fantastic organism. I guess I’m not ready yet.
Last time sex with my wife of 22 years. In bed kissing and foreplay was good, erection started fine. But mind was fixated on my issue, worry and anxiety that I would have a problem getting and staying fully erect. I lost focus on the moment and sure enough it was gone. But I was still aroused and I continued foreplay and helped my wife orgasm. Negative thoughts—here we go again, you will lose it. Now your wife is disappointed. She probably thinks you will never penetrate her again. Reframing—It’s fine. I’m health, my wife is happy. I still need to work on re-wiring my brain. My penis works fine so long as I just allow myself to enjoy the moment. I am still aroused by my wife. She enjoyed foreplay and oral sex and actually had a loud orgasm. She has been my wife for 22 years, she is not going to give up on me. Just relax and stay with the program. It will be fine and we will have sex again once I get my mind right, which mostly means just relax.
It was probably our 4th time trying and I thought this would be the time. I was hard during foreplay but once I began insertion I got stressed again. It didn’t work out, but she seemed to be perfectly calm and relaxed.
Think this will help massively. I’m in my head. And just because what happened before doesn’t happen every time so I should stop thinking like that. Be kinder in myself.
I lost my erection during sex and starting comparing myself to other partners my partners had had in the past - “I’m sure they were able to stay hard and have as much penetrative sex as they want”. I worried my partner would look for other partners because penetrative sex is not a large part of our dynamic due to my ED issues.
I have been devastatingly hurt by divorce. Fight or flight kicks in every single time I know I’m taking the next step into a new relationship so bad there’s no chance of sex. I just have to leave. Even when this doesn’t happen I can’t get it up because of ex wife was a cheating slut that made me feel inadequate. It’s horrible. I’m trapped and alone.
I am a young adult but I am too scared to enter a relationship with a woman as I have always failed to maintain my erection during sex and therefore no partner would want me
- yes sex is important in relationships but there are many other things that will matter to my partner as well. It is not all about sex and you can work on this together
I feel like I’ll never get hard again and just can’t do it, but yesterday morning we had sex 3 times with no issues, so it’s possible that next time I’ll have no problem at all.
Instead of feeling like my partner is disappointed and the relationship is breaking, I am reframing this as my parter still cares about me and want to try to make things work and I can work on myself to be a better partner for both of our sake.
I had difficult experiences lasting longer than 2 minutes with my last girlfriend, but I remembered that it wasn’t always like this
-last time I had a sexual encounter, I immediately shut down the proposition of penetrative sex because I was not hard at the moment it was suggested and did not trust myself to get it up.
-there’s no way this is going to happen, youre completely flaccid, you should have done it earlier while you were still hard, you’re letting her down again, and on her birthday
-fortune telling, mind reading
-i was flaccid at that moment, but I can get hard from flaccid, in fact that is the only state from which one can become hard. You were hard earlier, that should be proof that it can happen again. She was not let down, she had already told you no pressure, you had already made her cum, and we cuddled and talked afterwards and it was relaxed and lovely.
-you can definitely get hard from soft, maybe ask her to do some foreplay on you. Sex has hills and valleys, enjoy the moments as they come and go rather than regretting your choices. She loves you and is satisfied.
When i do sex today i should not panic and not make sex big deal,i have to enjoy sex not feel it like a task
I have to concentrate on intimacy more