Negative thought = this has happened the last three times we had sex in our bed, it’s going to keep happening in there and that’s our place!
Reprogram = there is no evidence this will keep happening. You’ve had 100s of positive and dually satisfying experiences in that bed. Remember those and they will happen again.
Last time I received oral foreplay I lost my erection mid-way through.
When she went down on me I began to have negative thoughts that I’d lose it and my mind wandered off to everything apart from the pleasure I was receiving. Shock horror I did.
I went into this experience feeling anxious and like I couldn’t be successful in the moment. There have plenty of times I’ve had great foreplay and I feel great when my mind is empty and feeling arousal
I absolutely fell into every one of the categories with my last sexual experience with my girlfriend, where I couldn’t get it up. But then going through the time we had together rationally I realized all of the positive things that occurred that night. She appreciated me opening up to her about it, I still pleasured her in other ways, she ended up opening up to me after I told her how my mental issues contribute to my erection ones, and we became much closer overall. I realized that many of the negatives which dominate your thoughts are really just conjured by your own inner voice!
- The first time with my new girlfriend, I lost my erection when i went for a condom, and couldn’t get it back.
- Thoughts: “If i go to get a condom i’ll lose my erection. Yep there it goes — I’m pathetic, i guess i’m just cursed to always fail here. She says it’s okay, but i know she’s disappointed and is not going to want to be with me if i can’t show her i’m a real man.”
- Types of negative thoughts: all of them!
- Fact check: I had an erection a moment before, so i know I’m capable of it. It has gone away before and still come back. She has been nothing but understanding and kind, assuring me that it is fine and what she cares about is being here with me. It’s our first time, so if I’m nervous that’s no surprise. And eventually i did get hard that night and we had sex, so even on this occasion it worked out fine.
Alternative thought: I must have been more nervous than i realized, that’s understandable.
- Generally, my thoughts are less negative and more hyper-focused on getting a rock hard erection and then maintaining it. Those thoughts cloud my mind and take me out of the moment. I fantasize about good past experiences and/or extreme pornographic scenarios I have watched.
I felt like I was a failure when it did not get hard again.
“I’ll never be able to get it up on a one night stand again”
I usually fake sex with a semi and fake an orgasm as I start to deflate because I just want it over with quickly and make my partner cum with my hand instead.
Alternate thought: nobody notices or cares as long as they cum.
The two major categories my negative thoughts fall into is probably over generalization, and mind reading. I get so worked up thinking that my partner is upset with me, or disappointed in me. In reality, that most likely not the case at all.
The last time I was with my wife as a month ago. She was extra frisky that night so I figured she would desire sex later after the kids were asleep. Because I had a issue the last time with going in without a medication aide, I decided not risk going without tonight, so I my go-to cialis. Because I have had great results with it in pervious encounters… my wife must have been dreaming about the last time I performed when I took it. I wanted to give her a repeat performance, but when time came I got erect during foreplay but not strong as normal. Then in the transition I got began to get soft. I was like, “No dont fail me.” See gave me oral to keep me up… but i got so into so I could get back hard I came a little. I was able to get hard enough to barely penatrate her but before I released everything too early… I trusted as my penis got softer and softer until she could not longer feel it. She asked what happened, I referred to the pre mature ejac… I said I was just too turned on. She didn’t seem to bothered but I sat up for a hour processing why my meds didn’t even work like last time.
Maybe stressed with the kids… it was a tiring day… and I actually really wasnt fully in the mood… I was worried about it but she seemed fine in the morning. But we haven’t sex since, I want to but I scared to initiate, because this is not the first time I went soft before or in the middle
“I know she feels disappointed in me for not being able to get hard. I am less of a man because I couldn’t satisfy her sexually.”
Argument for: We didn’t have sex, she let out a sigh, she asked me to stop teasing
Argument against: We still had a relationship for a time afterwards, she seemed really understanding when I told her I was embarrassed. We tried again the next morning. I pleasured her in ways other than penetration.
Alternative: It was our first time. We were both excited and nervous. My body was tensed a little stressed. This is normal.
Categories: Mind Reading and Categorical Imperative
I relate to a lot of the comments here. Once I had a bad experience at the start of my sex life I just couldn’t get rid of the thought I wasn’t a man and it would continue. Sex became a scary place I tried to avoid. Recently though with my current partner it has been getting more enjoyable as I honestly try the MOJO programme, therefore over time I am hopeful I will look forward and enjoy sex.
The first time I have sex with a partner it must be perfect and nothing should go wrong.
This makes me anxious that I need to perform and if I don’t, I’m a failure.
This is All-or-nothing mentality.
Sex doesn’t have to be perfect, as no one is perfect. Its about discovering and being in the moment, not worrying about being perfect or how my performance is going to be.
Having sex the first time with a girl doesn’t have to be perfect. I know I can really satisfy a girl, even if it’s not 100% perfect. I have confidence in my abilities to perform.
I’m short and that makes me unpopular, unattractive, and people will think less of me and make fun of me
All or nothing: I’m either very attractive or not at all
Disqualifying the positive
Mind reading
Alternative thought: I’m attractive and possess many good qualities. Also other people could be total jerks and idiots lol
The thought that it will never happen again, when in reality it has
-“I love her being on top, but I can’t stay hard long enough to get off like she wants. She’ll think I’m not into it even though I definitely am.”
It is logical because it happens most often that way. Maybe gravity, idk. I’m less in my head when she’s on top so I don’t think it’s a mental issue. And she does usually get upset. She usually knows it’s not because of her, but she says it doesn’t feel good since it happens more consistently when she’s on top. And instead of going back to foreplay so I can get hard and do it again, she shuts down.
Definitely future telling
I don’t have any issues getting rock hard when I’m relaxed and having fun. That is a fact.
"I’ll never find a partner because of my ED“
Or alternatively “You’ll get over the ED. You’re a healthy person in a bad state of mind. You’ll overcome the problem and find someone that loves you”
I think I need to change my outlook on whether i will ever be able to have sex again. I’m really struggling at the minute, not being able to stay hard with women or by myself. I feel horrible. I just want to enjoy my single life. I know I can get hard. So why the fuck cant I?
I need some hope.
Last time I had sex, I could only get hard enough to penetrate if I used one hand to squeeze my base. I would have a few seconds of success without the extra squeeze, but then I would lose it and not be able to get hard again. I thought to myself, “will I ever be able to become a verse? He’s probably disappointed in this experience.” Facts: my partner and I are pretty inexperienced with threesomes so we were both a little nervous. We still had a great time and were able to pleasure each other in different ways.