Categorical Imperative - I should be able to stay hard and turned on. But it’s more complicated than that, I need to better understand what I like and also feel more confident in myself during sexual encounters.
In this case I did not want to to bed with this woman. She us married, I am dating someone, I wanted to keep focused, we had had sex already before, that was done. One of my problems is I cannot say no. When a teenager I felt a nerd the I became someone that attracted women, and since I was single again after a long relationship I kind of take revenge by having sex with whoever is ready to. But it does not work for me, or hardly. I have grown a bit of a demisexual I think. Anyway, many negative thoughts all of a sudden right before the foreplay. But I was not feeling ok even before.
What if I have actual evidence of a catastrophic thought being fully supported?
I won’t be hard when my pants come off and I won’t be able to get hard after that either.
I feel like I need to stay hard and satisfy her 100% of the time. If I don’t, she will think I’m not good enough and leave me.
There’s more to sex than just penetration. She has been super supportive though the whole process and I know my inner critic is making this 1 billion times worse.
For me I love pleasing my partner, but I never finish, I’ll get hard enough for the activity and she will tell me how she came 1-2 times. But I always end up just kinda putting my semi hard member away at the end, not fully satisfied. So it gets to the point where I don’t want to try because I never get to the end of the race with a partner
I get an erection while kissing and feeling our bodies with our clothes on. I think when it’s time for sex I’ll lose my erection, and so I do. If I’m present in the moment and forget about those negative thoughts I’ll enjoy having sex with my partner, just as it happens when I’m fully relaxed.
I’m in an open relationship with my partner.
With him, everything works well. I have Lasting erection, I cum when I want etc.
However, when I met some other guys, it’s where all the negative thoughts comes and I often don’t get an erection. Because it happened before now I start right way with the « it’s not going to work » and of croise it doesn’t.
But it’s silly because with my partner is works fine.
So I have to reprogram that there is nothing wrong, I just put my own barriers
I have had these issues and I also get stuck in a loop even though I have proof there my body can do this. I have had plenty of great sexual experiences with my partner but recently over the past year I have allowed stress to get in the way now my mind tells me I can’t even though physically my body tells me I can.
All or nothing that if I don’t get hard I can’t satisfy my partner
I lost my erection during sex because “I am worried that I can’t last long enough to please my girlfriend or that I’m bad at penetrative sex”. This can be reprogrammed with she enjoys foreplay and struggles with climaxing too so she knows how to enjoy the moment of it. She actively tells me she enjoys it and I need to stop doubting her as it feeds into my own doubt. You are making her feel good -she tells you this, believe it
i started to get very nervous when my partner went down on me, this caused me to stress about staying hard. But I tried to forget about it and focus. on the pleasurable sensation, and it worked a lot better than previous times.
I can reprogram the thought of believing I am less of a man and incompetent sexually because I couldn’t maintain my erection.
“I’ll come instantly no matter what” I’ll reprogram that
That I’m a healthy sexually autonomous man
Because I messed up during foreplay, I’m a failure, and that I won’t be able to have sex.
I have had enjoyable sex before, I have made my partner cum, and I will have sex with her. I just made a mistake
I’m young and have been having sex with my girlfriend consistently for months now . However the last month amount of times I have been taking a pill bc priory I was having issues staying hard right before penetration. I would be hard during the foreplay but then I would double guess myself on when we should actually have sex and end up going soft right before sex. We’ve been long distance for 2 weeks now and she’s coming to visit me in a few days and I’m eager to be with her again and have sex again, but this time I’m not letting myself take a pill. I need this on my own. Just 1 time m, the first time, just to re establish my confidence. I find myself worried I will not get hard and she’ll leave after this weekend and not come back to me which is so incredibly irrational it’s insane but it still plagues my mind. I am aroused by her and I have no physical issues to not get hard it’s all in my head. I’ve been crediting the pill for letting me get calm before we have sex, but that’s not even what viagra does, it’s not a relaxer it’s a blood flow director so I was able to get hard all along once I had confidence in myself. Sex is all about self confidence and I need to just keep trusting myself and my body and just be free.
If I go into sex feeling anxious or forced, it’s pronably likely that I wont get it up. Go into tjings naturally when the mood takes me and things will be better. Worrying and ocusing on how hard I am takes me us out of the moments when we should be enjoying each other
Why does this always happen? Overgeneralization
I didn’t take time to try. I gave up. I need to focus on them and not myself. They may enjoy the extra focus
“Oh no, now he’s giving a lot of attention to my penis, it will go down in a minute”
I could replace for
“It’s nice to be sucked, I should focus on the feeling”