The whole day I play the same scenario that I’m not gonna get it up and it’s becoming the biggest issue I’m my relationship. I’m always worried my wife is gonna say “if this keeps happening we can’t be together” ( mind you we have a child under 1 year old). And this is what I tell myself and no matter how much I try to block it out it continues to repeat in my head. It literally ruins my days. My whole days I’m riddled with anxiety over something that was so simple in the past.
I Always thought Something is wrong with me, but since i know my ED is because i have Performance anxiety i Just say to myself i am Not nervous before Sex i am Just aroused and Just cant wait to get going! Than i Just keep following arousing thougts!
Overgeneration: I lost erection tonight means I wont get erection tommorow
I do not beleive it coz it has been normal in last episode
Catastrophixing: if I lose my erection, my partner leave me
She never does that, she doesnt care about sex because her sex drive is not strong
Thought: Eventually I will go soft, will get hard at the start then lose it before penetration
Category: Fortune telling
Fact checking: There have beeen times when this hasnt happened, you are already doing better than before
Alternative thought: You are hard at the start
Thought - I always lose an erection once I focus on her pleasure for a while
- However it doesn’t always happen, just a handful of times when I’ve been stressed
- It’s natural to be stressed, I had sex fine later, my mind and body were just out of whack, its okay it happens and she was understanding and we were able to laugh about it later
Just because it has happened before doesn’t me mean it will happen to me again.
I am capable.
I keep assuming that’s she’ll go off somewhere else to satisfy herself. So… catastrophising
But…she like much else that we have and says she doesn’t need to be her old ‘party loving’ self now. And right now is all we’ve got, because who knows what will happen in the future??!
And things can’t be that bad for her as she is still around after all this time.
Some positive thought here.
I thought, fuck! “She’s going to leave me because I can’t get it up again!”.
In the end she did, but that was more a reflection on her being quite a selfish lover, and showing her frustration, which totally killed the mood!
I didn’t have nearly as many issues with my previous partner, our sex was actually quite great without the use of any pills. So it’s not all about me.
“I can’t get hard without ED meds.” Actually, there are times I’ve gotten rock hard when the situation is right. I just need to go with the flow and see how the situation unfolds. If it’s not the right moment, there are always future times for sex.
I wake up with hard morning wood. I can get full erections when the pressure isn’t on. I need to understand what causes me to not get hard at all when attempting intercourse
Despite positive evidence I definitely concentrate on the negative. Sometimes it takes waiting 30mins after failing to get an election for me to relax as the worst hasn’t happened, then I can have good sex. Stupid brain!
It hasn’t always happened
I’m not going to be able to get hard and perform
It happened last time so it will happen again. She has no problem sometimes but I always do. If I’m not ready in five minutes she will notice and I will notice she noticed then I won’t be able to perform at all.
I was thinking all day before hand that it wasn’t gonna work and when the act came it actually didn’t work so I gotta think more positive during the events leading up to sex.
During the act I was panicking that it wasn’t gonna work so much that it did in fact not work. I’ve got to leave to relax during those situations.
I can reprogram the thought that my dick is just less effective than average. I don’t really know that that’s the case, and it brings me and my partner much joy just the way it is. Any improvement in function is upside and something to be grateful for.
My partner has never been disappointed in the bedroom. In fact she has bragged about telling other women about her sex life and even telling me about it.
Negative: I just got done working a 12 hour shift and was tired. I couldn’t get it up for sex and really beat myself up about it. “You’re trying to have kids. You need to get it up. If you don’t get it up you won’t have kids and your wife will be really disappointed.”
Positive: I don’t work 12 hour shifts anymore. I won’t be as tired and sex will be better next time. I will have kids some day and even if I don’t my wife has told me on many occasions that she loves me, loves our life together, and wouldn’t trade it for anything.
I had one bad experience and let it go into the next and the next experience. Overgeneralization and assuming I won’t keep an erection.
I have fatalistic thoughts that “I just won’t get erections” during sexual encounters (I suppose fortune telling). But I get erections watching porn and in mornings, and I used to get them, so this thought is not rational. Alternative thought: “I didn’t get an erection because I was telling myself I won’t.”