Catagoral imperatives hit me hard on this lesson,
Trying to operate every time my partner is in the mood and she has a higher sex drive then me, it makes it difficult and I believe in being in this kind of relationship has led me to have the negative thought and inner critic that im just not built to enjoy sex or to need it or want it in long term relationships. It makes it difficult for me to really enjoy it and get excited about it like when we first met
I can take over my fight and flight response
I was having sex with a beautiful girl. I lost the hardness. I was unable to finish.
However, this was not always the case. I have experienced ability to finish. Because I was able to do it, I will be able to do it again. I have learned new methods to relax psychically and physically and I’m in better in control of my pelvic floor muscles. Enjoying sex means fulfilling my biological role nature has given to me; sex as a part of being with a female partner, enhances my chances of survival and reproduction which is the goal of every life form.
I was hard during foreplay but then got nervous anxious thoughts and lost erection. I remember that I told myself my partner would think I’m I disappointment and failure.
- but actually I’ve had sex before with same partner.
- my partner did see me again.
- I was super stressed that afternoon.
- I did get hard later that night and came.
With the last guy I dated, we tried to have sex a couple times. Each time it was difficult for me to stay hard. He broke up with me, partially because he wasn’t happy with the sex we were/weren’t having.
Things between us already weren’t feeling great, and we already knew we didn’t feel sexually compatible. He seemed to prioritize penetration over mutual enjoyment, and other guys I’ve seen have been much more chill about sex. With other guys, I’ve felt more connected with communication and understanding. I think things will work out better with someone whose priorities match mine better. (And it’s all right that I still feel frustrated with how things shook out)
My wife doesn’t want me
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my girlfriend feels I am not attracted to her because I have erections issues
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I need to be always ready to have sex because if not I will disappoint my partner
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i am attracted to my GF and sh knows that and I can be open with her
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She is understanding that sex is not the glue to our relationship
I will be fine given more time and investment in my intimacy journey.
Last time during sex I was hard during the beginning, but after we changed positions I couldn’t get hard. My wife was very disappointed which she vocalized and then later sent me a text that she wants to see other people. We talked, we’re going to stay together bc we love each other and are mostly very happy together. But we will both see other ppl. We have yet to define these rules precisely but in having time to think more about it it’s a bit of a relief. Less pressure or stress on me that she will leave me bc I can’t satisfy her sexually. She has options, and so do I.
I lost my erection before so i’m definitely going to loose it again.
- Not again, this is becoming a permanent thing issue where I can’t get hard
- All I want to do is please her but how can I, I’m unable to get hard
- My current partner isn’t going to want to be with me if I can’t get hard
- Mind reading
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- Previous partners have given me this type of ultimatum.
- My current partner never said this, I haven’t even given her a chance to responsd well. Other partners have not wanted to leave me because of these issues.
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My current patner may be super understanding and like me despite my problems, I need to give her a chance.
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I’m never going to be able to find a partner with this problem
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All or nothing thinking, catastrophizing
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- None
- I have consistently been able to attract women. Most women have been understanding.
- Someone who is unwilling to share challenges with me is not someone I want to be with anyway. I will likely find a partner that will love me regardless of this problem.
Last time I had sex I lost my erection mid foreplay when I went to put on a condom.
Fact - I got stressed out and my mind went into fight or flight due to which I lost erection. If I work on my breathing and I’m relaxed I’ll be able to achieve an erection and again and keep going
At times with my previous partner I would go soft or couldn’t cum during sex. I remember one time in a particular where she responded meanly. I felt stressed and ashamed and didnt know what to do but rather than leave I stayed and rebounded and we had sex later and it was fine. I was catastrophising in the moment and reasoning that if i failed in that moment that means I am a failure. I know now that this will take some work, i need to be compassionate towards myself and present in the moment when being intimate. These efforts alongside avoiding porn make a massive difference and will help me in the future.
I let down the girl I was having sex with because I couldn’t maintain an erection before we started having sex.
She was very understanding about the situation and didn’t make it awkward. I was drinking at the time and this was my first time doing something like this since my last relationship so I was definitely stressed and nervous about it all.
Sometimes when I’m not totally horny or I can tell my girlfriend isn’t that horny either I just know im not going to be able to stay which just causes it to go soft. I feel like I’m letting her down and that, even though she is super understanding about it, if I can’t figure this problem out she’s not going to want to stay with me. We’re too young to not be in a sexual relationship so I need to figure this problem out.
I was having sex with my partner and when we switched positions to doggy, I immediately lost my erection. My partner loves this position, and I felt like I failed her by my inability to have sex with her in this position. This almost always happens during doggy, and there have only been a few times where we’ve switched positions and I’ve held my erection.
Fact check: I satisfied my partner in other ways, and she didn’t seem to be upset. I need to do better about being nice to myself and not beating myself up about something that may not be true.
My emotional reasoning needs some major working on. I always feel like I’m letting myself and my partner down, and that does not help with the process of getting an erection.
I’m guilty of fortune telling and catastrophizing.
Having lost my erection during sex multiple times, I think “You’re going to go soft again” and then “your wife is upset now you couldnt finish. On the plus side, I am able to get hard and am working towards being able to keep my erection as long as it takes.
I felt like I should be able to get hard since I hadn’t been jerking off or cum in days and days. I think I placed a lot of undue pressure on myself to make this one count. It felt like my partner really wanted me to get hard, and I disappointed them.
Categorical imperative
He was sowing concern, not judgment.
He had a great time and we felt so much relaxed and connected after, even without me getting hard.
I placed a lot of pressure on myself, which I learned as a Coping mechanism to catch myself before I disappointed others when I was young in many areas of my life.
As I learn to relax and enjoy sex from a more healthy place it makes sense that
I’m learning to manage my expectations and give myself the love and understanding I deserve
After a night where I could get an erection my mind was racing that my wife would want to leave me. That’s crazy, she knows I’m working on this and there are many other ways in which we are very happy. It is harder to deprogram these thoughts when I am tired