I am so worried about it not working, it won’t work. Physically everything works. It’s first time partners. I think I have always had this problem, but once I get past it, I never think about it again. So why can’t I stop the nervousness. Even with cialis it does it. That stuff works until my mind kicks in with these thoughts and it’s almost worse. It cost me my last relationship.
- My partner must be very disappointed and think I am a failure. He must think I am not manly enough. In addition, he won’t date me again and will abandon me another day.
- Facts: He is disappointed, but he declared that he was tired at that time. He did fall asleep very soon and seemed relaxed. He did not abandon me. He tried to have sex with me the next day, and it was a success. He never said that I am not manly enough. Actually, he is very attracted to my masculinity. He also asked me for a second date and continued to keep in frequent touch with me. He worries that I do not like him more.
- After some foreplay, it is disappointing, at least at the moment, to my partner when I lost my erection before intercourse. However, it does not seem like a very big deal to him. He did not abandon me, nor humiliate me.
Worrying about performance
I’m
To relax and not focus so much in my head and on the outcome
After a period of great sex, my erection issues resurfaced. Some things have changed—we’re seeing each other more often, for example—but fundamentally, our relationship is the same. Trying to limit the length of this “slump.”
Cognitive distortion #1: I couldn’t get hard at first, which meant we couldn’t have preventative sex to start, which makes me less of a man. - Emotional Reasoning
Facts: The time before that I had great penetrative sex, and I’m the same man I was then. It was the end of a long week and I was tired. I found other ways to be intimate and satisfy my partner. I was patient with myself and had preventative sex later in the evening.
Alternate thought: I was tired at the end of a long week, and I rallied in spite of that. Even if it wasn’t my greatest work, perseverance is masculine, and it was good enough/fun enough.
Cognitive distortion #2: Because I had an erection issue tonight, I can’t be fixed and the issue will only get worse. - fortune telling
Facts: experience has taught me that even if I have trouble with an erection one day, I might not the next day, and there’s always a good experience upcoming. Sometimes I have long stretches with no issues at all. Many guys confront and fix their psychological ed, I can too.
Alternate thought: I am clearly still capable of having great erections and sex, one bad experience doesn’t change that. I am confronting my issues, and I’m capable of overcoming any obstacles to consistent great sex.
Fortune telling- I get so anxious or nervous I have completely avoided getting serious in dating. After having problems with two separate people I was so embarrassed I cut things off even though they continued to reach out and want to see me. I need to relax and not let sex be a scary thing that I over generalize. If I can get comfortable with someone I dont have many problems, but I’m so worried about what they think that I dont realize they are really into me and I’m just in my head.
From my last hook up, I couldn’t get hard during foreplay. I thought that because I hadn’t gotten hard, I wouldn’t get hard. Additionally, I was stressed that once my pants came off that my flaccid penis was unsightly and was a turn off for the girl I was with. The first was an over generalization and the second was catastrophizing. In both cases, I can point to the fact that we had had a lot of fun up until that point. We had made out and I eventually ate her out which she really enjoyed. In mind reading I think she was disappointed in that I couldn’t get hard, but that doesn’t negate the other things we did. Additionally, I had been drinking and I had had an incredibly busy day. I was exhausted and it makes sense that my body wasn’t ready for sex at that time.
I’m worried I’ll let her down if I don’t stay hard to completion or she’ll think less of me.
Facts:
- She always cums even if I don’t, so she’s still enjoying the sex.
-There are other ways to climax besides penetration.
-She’s sticking around because she’s clearly interested and can tell I am too.
Honestly I have a very hard time not fortune telling, the thought just always comes to mind. I wish I could just erase it entirely. But at least I can reprogram the thought of my partner wanting to leave me or that they are unsatisfied by knowing that she has told me before that she completely understands me and does not want to be with anyone else.
You are so beautiful and deserve to be satisfied to ecstasy. If I don’t make you cum 3 times I am a letting you down. You work so hard to keep your body beautiful and you are a wonderful mother to our child and you are smart you deserve to black out in pleasure every time. I begin hard and you treat me so well. When we switch positions I lose my erection. When I get hard again I cum too fast.
I lost my erection switching between foreplay and sex. I got just hard enough to penetrate. I got a little harder inside but came quickly. I’m not 100% sure my wife noticed. She mostly likes to cum from playing with her clit and she came very hard. We held each other after and talked about how much we love each other. I don’t even know if she is aware. But I know I could do better. Does she even care? It’s the fight or flight. It’s the moment I think about what is next. Let go. Be vulnerable. Submit to her desires
It’s okay that things haven’t gone smoothly in the past
Don’t think negatively towards the topic, be positive with how to fix it and understand that it’s okay
I can’t believe I can’t get it hard again. It was going so well, until it was time to penetrate. My partner wanted extended foreplay, and it ruined my chances to maintain an erection.
- You were out with a few beers, and masturbated lately enough that you were not physically ready for an unexpected sexual encounter. Your body has limits and that is okay.
- You weren’t physically feeling your best leading up to the sex from this week. You didn’t get enough sleep for many days, and you were exhausted the day before. Just like you can’t perform at the gym optimally without the right amount of rest, diet, and preparation, you can’t perform sexually on a whim either.
- You were quite hard and erect leading up to the sex. So you were doing pretty well for a while.
I tried to get it up again after the first round and it was too quickly. I put too much onus on my penis and getting it up again. The next time I struggled again to get hard. Out of the times I’ve had sex, this has only happened once. 99% of the time I’ve never had this issue at all
I couldn’t feel it in the middle of cowgirl position. I was too caught up in past failure and it clouded my sensations in the moment. I was mind reading because my partner could have been feeling it.
Thinking ‘what it I don’t get hard again and he wants me to cum’ - Sort of fortune telling and mind reading
Facts - I have been hard at times with people so can focus on those instead, I can set limits and expectations and don’t need to meet all of his desires, other partners have been happy even when I didn’t cum that time
Wife very passively made a move I didn’t even pick up on. This resulted in all my problems being thrown into an argument
I thought why can’t I just get my confidence back (categorative), and why am I so different to normal guys (emotiional),
For a fact check I believe I am getting in my own head and when the wife brings this up so angrily it makes me resent her and want it even less. Which leads to ED. She went to sleep while I was awake and mind racing
I cannot assume that all guys aren’t like me and don’t suffer in silence
An alternative thought is I’m working through a program to better myself, other people have made it through and so can I.
Incident: last time I had sex and I got up hardly (breathing and with effort) it was a struggle
Negative thought: I am afraid that I am unable to get erection all my life
Category: fortune Telling
Fact Checking: it has happened, and did not happen some times from December, which means this is because of the anxiety
Alternative thought: I am treating myself, this is temporary and I will be back like before