Last time I had sex I couldn’t cum. I was thinking that it was happening again. My partner will be disappointed. It’s the Categorical Imperative - i should cum everytime i have sex. Why can’t I? It’s true that I haven’t in the past. But it’s not true that it will always happen again. My partner was a bit disappointed.
I can cum every time I have sex. I don’t need porn to enjoy the real thing. I can cum with the excitement if real sex. My partner wants me to cum. It will give her great pleasure.
After a series of successful sexual encounters with my girlfriend, I couldn’t get hard enough for penetration. She was great about it, but I felt I’d let her down. I felt that I was past having erection issues.
She seemed to completely understand and didn’t make a big deal of it. The next time, it was better. I should be more comfortable with an occasional misfire, as they’re becoming less frequent.
Initial negative thought ‘I couldn’t keep it up for penetration sex’ but rewording it to truth ‘I still cummed, fingered and made them cum so they were still satisfied’
By failing to keep my erection I’m letting my partner down, and if that continues maybe she will say it isn’t working and split with me.
I am disappointing her because it isn’t working and she feels unattractive.
Reality: I love her so much and want nothing less than to be able to make love with her with a good hard penis. And I also know that she loves me for much more than sex, so much more.
I’m too tired, I can’t hold an erection because I haven’t in the past, and I’ll be a failure.
(Overgeneralization, catastrophisizing)
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While you are tired, you are also feeling up for it, have an erection during all the foreplay (when there is no pressure) and can get hard easily when you are relaxed and confident.
I think I get worried it won’t happen long before. I distance myself from my partner and don’t initiate anything. Hoping she will then go to sleep and I don’t have to try. Then if we get into bed and I have to try, the anxiety begins. I definitely have this negative thoughts and chat. I need to turn those into positive thoughts. I get a full erection all the time, I know it’s nothing physical. Just the worry of letting her down and having some ‘awkward’ chat after about me not finding her attractive or something
Sometimes when having sex, i can’t cum. I get close and then I start thinking that it’s happening again. At that point it all staetz to fall apart. How should i deal with that?
My girlfriend is a virgin and thinks of me as an experienced man sexually. So with me being her first sexual experience but not having sex for over a year, i was quite nervous since i did not want to disappoint her. Also i was nervous because that experience a year ago worked with 12 days of no masturbating and taking viagra. Experiences before were once negative, all other times positive. I got a lot into my head especially since i jerked off 3 times that day, so i wasnt too errect. Because of that i took a lot of viagra, so during foreplay and kissing i was really hard. When it came to sex, i was struggling with applying the condom because it was too small. That made me nervous and i got more into my head. I was thinking “if i dont impress her tonight, she wont like sex” or even worse, “she would be leaving me”. I noticed her being nervous too and i was reading her mind, thinking she is disappointef. When i found a condom that fits me for the third try, i was so nervous that i couldnt hold the erection long. It didnt help that she didnt have too much foreplay and knowing how to arouse me either. I was feeling like a failure, and expected that a man should get hard.
I jerked off 3 times and ate much, so it is not a suprise that i couldnt get very hard and that the pills didnt kick in. Also, after talking, rather than being disappointed in me, she got more disappointed in herself, so i had to calm her which means she wouldnt leave me, she loves me. Even another day on the second try, when it didnt work she didnt mind. Also, i was spectatoring like crazy, so no wonder my erection didnt hold. When i just enjoy myself when we kiss i get hard all the time. I need to reprogram my mind and enjoy the moment mire, rather than worrying and i need to find a way with her staying erect when applying a condom. Also, i watched a lot of porn before that so i pressured myself into being super hard all the time and having rough sex with her, which as i learned is nonsense. Even if she would be disappointed, that doesnt make her leave me. Since she is a virgin, every new experience is geeat for her and me having sex with her isnt the reason she loves me. I just make myself believe that because of that the love will fade, but when i get my mind right it is a matter of time when we have pleasurable sex.
I am in the hole or nothing moved all the time and I’ll overgeneralize my sexual Abilities because of my previous particularly with my x which was the first of my life Constant thinking of may failing her is In the back of my mind and stop me from See the positive sides see the fact that She was She must tolerate for a Long time and I was not even able to believe her And I remember in the last time I was constantly thinking i’m a piece of shit and i’m Worth less And I can’t even get it hard so there must be something wrong with me I even doubt my sexual Orientations.
Last time I had sex, I couldn’t get hard with the guy I was with. I immidetely only thought he wanted sex and that he was dissapoitned that I couldn’t get hard. I was mind reading on this. As soon as I left I was crying and felt horrible so it was all or nothing thinking, that I was a complete failure that I couldn’t get it up. It could be that I was too drunk and didn’t feel comfortable enough with that person. It felt tense and it felt like I had to give a show.
I think fortune telling is far and away my biggest blocker. The others can be true, but less so. Usually if I lose an erection during sex (this happens often) I can chill out and get it back. But it’s the fear that I’m going to not be turned on, or not stay turned on, that has me in my head all the time before and during sex. I’m really struggling to let go and trust myself — which is what I can easily do when I’m alone.
Thoughts: “You won’t get turned on. You’re not going to get hard. You won’t stay hard. You never do. She’s gonna notice. She’s gonna feel like it’s her. She’s gonna wonder what’s wrong with you. She’ll tell all her friends. You’re going to get a reputation as someone who can’t fuck.”
None of it is logical, and very little of it is true. And that which is is kinda irrelevant. I’ve never had any woman not want to keep having sex, or come back again. Even ones I’ve had real trouble with. When it does happen I can have honest conversations about it. It makes sense. It’s just the fear beforehand — and even worse, the fact that I know that I’m head-faking myself — that is the real killer for me.
I have a problem with emotional thinking and over generalization. My emotions get the best of me
- I can’t fulfill my partner because I couldn’t stay hard
- Mind reading
* My partner was able to climax and assured me they were fulfilled. They smiled.
* My partner was pleasured, even without me staying hard
- Mind reading
- My partner will stop loving me
- Fortune telling
* My partner said they love me and want to grow old with me. They said they are always pleased with me.
* My partner loves me in all aspects, even sexually.
- Fortune telling
Oh no why can’t I get turned on!
Changing this to: Get into your body and just go with it. Be patient.
Recent experience. I couldn’t get hard, my partner (who was a random) still attempted to give me a blowjob. After a while, I got hard!
Unfortunately, my issue doesn’t just involve me. My partner is a selfish lover she demands that I’m instantly hard which I could do when I was younger she only likes sex a certain way, she doesn’t like foreplay, and she doesn’t do anything to help get me hard, this is “my responsibility.” Her driver for less than mine and believes, I shouldn’t even masturbate because she doesn’t. I now have issues with performing after one failed attempt when I was highly stressed and now I don’t know if I want to deal with her highly controlling nature anymore.
Last time I went to have sex i started fortune telling. I thought on the way “what if I don’t get hard? I won’t be able to relax it’s happened before and it is so embarrassing, they will think less of me and not understand”
And so it happened.
-when fact checking, I realized “I have made MANY sexual partners very satisfied in bed, and have had full confidence in getting and maintaining an erection in the past, it does not happen every time, in fact, it never happens when I am comfortable and in the mood”
-in reality, I was simply not attracted to this girl, it was supposed to be a “hookup” and I was not in to it which did not help. Whenever the right partner comes along, I always get it up.
I lose my erection like the last time sex and it’s hard to getting him up again, we will get frustrated again together, I want to make love.
You not losing your erecting all the time it’s will be hard when ever you like to and you want to, it’s just playing in your mind you don’t have erecting problem, you always can stay hard when you love to and make love with each other as possible you like. You never have any problems to get it hard and your partner believes in you you will get it back again and support you in all ways how ever it’s possible.
Everything what we talk about makes sense and we understand us each other by this problem. It’s will get better with the next time sex
Negative thoughts during / after:
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Something must be deeply wrong with me, she is a beautiful girl that I care deeply about, and she’s doing really hot things with her body. Why am I not hard?
- Category: overgeneralization / emotional reasoning
- Alternative thoughts: nothing is unfixably wrong, you’re just too nervous to get hard right now. This makes a lot of sense, given that you’ve been best friends with her for a long time and this is completely new territory for both you. Even she confessed to feeling similarly nervous too. It’s totally normal and ok. You are no less of a man for feeling this way. In fact, your ability to confront these thoughts and share openly about your experience shows real personal growth and masculinity.
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I should be hard right now, I need to be hard for this to go well. If I don’t get an erection at all tonight I’m a failure.
- Category: categorical imperative / Emotional reasoning
- alternative thoughts: erections naturally come and go throughout a sexual experience, so it’s totally normal not to be hard a given point in time. This doesn’t mean you won’t get an erection later on, and it is not a reflection of you as a person. This isn’t something directly in your conscious control either — otherwise it wouldn’t be an issue in the first place. It’s ok to not get hard during a sexual experience, because there are a plenty of other things to enjoy. You still made her cum for the first time ever, and you grew notably closer from this sexual experience. That makes it a huge success.
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If I can’t get hard having sex with my best friend for the first time, I may never be able to have good sex again.
- Category: fortune telling / overgeneralization / catastrophizing
- Alternative thoughts: you will have plenty more amazing sex in your life, because you are 100% deserving of that love and intimacy. One bad day does not represent what your future experiences will entail. Everything in this life is constantly changing, which means your performance anxiety can’t possibly be permanent either. You may have just not been ready to have sex with her yet, and that’s perfectly ok too. Take your time, there’s no rush.
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There is so much pressure to get an erection, she’s just waiting for me to.
- Category: Mind reading
- Alternative thought: she actually told you honestly that there was 0 pressure whatsoever. She probably wasn’t even thinking about it until you brought it up.
Negative thoughts during / after:
-
Something must be deeply wrong with me, she is a beautiful girl that I care deeply about, and she’s doing really hot things with her body. Why am I not hard?
- Category: overgeneralization / emotional reasoning
- Alternative thoughts: nothing is unfixably wrong, you’re just too nervous to get hard right now. This makes a lot of sense, given that you’ve been best friends with her for a long time and this is completely new territory for both you. Even she confessed to feeling similarly nervous too. It’s totally normal and ok. You are no less of a man for feeling this way. In fact, your ability to confront these thoughts and share openly about your experience shows real personal growth and masculinity.
-
I should be hard right now, I need to be hard for this to go well. If I don’t get an erection at all tonight I’m a failure.
- Category: categorical imperative / Emotional reasoning
- alternative thoughts: erections naturally come and go throughout a sexual experience, so it’s totally normal not to be hard a given point in time. This doesn’t mean you won’t get an erection later on, and it is not a reflection of you as a person. This isn’t something directly in your conscious control either — otherwise it wouldn’t be an issue in the first place. It’s ok to not get hard during a sexual experience, because there are a plenty of other things to enjoy. You still made her cum for the first time ever, and you grew notably closer from this sexual experience. That makes it a huge success.
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If I can’t get hard having sex with my best friend for the first time, I may never be able to have good sex again.
- Category: fortune telling / overgeneralization / catastrophizing
- Alternative thoughts: you will have plenty more amazing sex in your life, because you are 100% deserving of that love and intimacy. One bad day does not represent what your future experiences will entail. Everything in this life is constantly changing, which means your performance anxiety can’t possibly be permanent either. You may have just not been ready to have sex with her yet, and that’s perfectly ok too. Take your time, there’s no rush.
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There is so much pressure to get an erection, she’s just waiting for me to.
- Category: Mind reading
- Alternative thought: she actually told you honestly that there was 0 pressure whatsoever. She probably wasn’t even thinking about it until you brought it up.
I do a lot of fortune telling before sex and even during foreplay. But when I take a step back these fortunes don’t always come true. I am able to stay hard or get hard again if I lose an erection. And my logically alternative thought is that I will get a strong and powerful erection during sex!