Reprogram your negative thoughts exercise

[impressed-beige-porcupine]

Lost erection last night when partner went down on me, because i felt anxiety kick in during the process of her going down there and me anticipating it.

I also took a viagra bill beforehand because i knew sex was coming but this only made me more anxious, so i could not remain in the moment.

Fact - Girlfriend did not care, was relaxed about the situation and wanted me to feel ok. Later on that night i had sex with her just fine, in a completely relaxed state and had no inner critic circling in my head.

Fact - i know i can get and maintain an erection just fine when i am completely out of my head, i will keep working on this and try to enjoy the moment as opposed to letting my thoughts overanalyse situations

[increasing-red-woodpecker]

-my partner will look for satisfaction elsewhere
Fact: most time o can satisfy him very much
If he does the relationship was weak
I was able to make him come with my fingers and he looked satisfied

-am I not attracted to the person I love?
I am attracted, maybe I’m not seeing him as very “masculine” as before.
Facts: I love him on many levels, including sexually.
Dynamics are feeling a bit forced and I feel stuck being the top of the couple but he doesn’t have any problems topping me, and I do no either.

-what the hell is happening to me ?
Facts: a lot of stress at work, anxiety and when it happened the 1st time I was drunk. So probably nothing

[fashionable-scarlet-trout]

My partner was frustrated at work progress and he agreed that was associated with worries about my sexual attraction to him and our relationship.

[monthly-rose-bison]

Last time I tried to have sex I got extremely anxious about it not going up and it didn’t work, I feel like this will happen next time we tey and that my partner is unsatisfied.

The last time we tryed it failed due my anxiety, I understand why this is happening and next time I just need to relax amd not worry about it, amd I will be successful, this is not the end of the world and I need not to worry so much,.

[financial-ivory-python]

Lately I have not been able to get hard enough to penetrate, which has stressed me out a considerable amount. I feel like a disappointment for my partner, and worried she would think of me differently. However, this is irrational. Sex isn’t the focus of a relationship, just an aspect. She still cares for me, because she does not act different after these occurrences, and reassures me that it’s not a big deal. When the time is right it’ll work out.

[whole-amethyst-vicuna]

“Last time I had sex, immediately lost erection during penetration”. Had the feeling of embarrassment, almost shame of “not again”.

It was slightly embarrassing but I am confident next time I’ll be able to maintain my erection if we take it slow during sex and I don’t rush.

[distinguished-apricot-gamefowl]

last few times i had sex i lost my erection or couldn’t get one with my gf.
im a failure for not getting hard
im no longer attracted to my gf

im not a failure, people go through ups and downs in every part of life sexually and im learning through this course how to get better
i am attracted to my girlfriend i’ve masturbated to her several times and she’s made me cum so many times

[initial-amaranth-boa]

Thought: I bet she feels like she came all this way for nothing ((MR)
Feedback: She had fun and laughed with you before, still got turned on by you after, AND texted you saying how much she wanted to see you again. Regardless of sex she LIKES you.

Thought: I knew this was going to happen tonight. (FT)
Feedback: Of fucking course it happened, you were telling yourself all week it was going to happen. Tell yourself you’re a stud! If not that say that you want this atleast. If you don’t want it, why are you trying to get it?

[unchanged-blush-cat]

We started to have sex in the kitchen, the foreplay was fun and exciting, but in my head i knew i would lose my erection, and when it came to intercourse i did.
I was upset, frustrated, i felt bad for my partner, i just want to be able to get down to it and pound away, instead of getting stuck in my head, spectating then losing my erection.

It doesent happen everytime
My partner was fine supportive.

[mute-silver-tyrannosaurus]

I need to take my time getting hard, I shouldnt feel like I’m in such a rush to get hard.

[glorious-lime-horse]

This was hard. Because the last time I experienced attempted sex was almost six months ago, and I’m going out with that same girl again tomorrow. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t worried it’ll happen again. I think my biggest “fact check” was that I don’t need to get hard at the first stimulus in order to have successful sex. I can be patient, and even if it doesn’t work, it’s no more “embarrassing” than if I quit at the first sign of trouble anyways.

[commercial-salmon-unicorn]

-she put on something special for it and I went soft quickly.
-she felt horrible and her self confidence shattered

-it doesn’t happen everytime
-shes been very good at working with me and being patient
-when things go well, they’re great

[vicious-chocolate-hamster]

• I couldn’t satisfy her for the night after everything we’ve experienced prior. (ALL OR NOTHING)

FACT CHECK: She said she really wanted to have intercourse and felt like she was being teased. During and after the night she said she was pleased.

LOGICAL THOUGHT: She said she was pleased during and after the cuddling / foreplay. She loved the experience and wants to do it again.

• I wasn’t able to get hard last time. I’ll have a difficult time having an erection next time I want to have intimacy. (OVERGENERALIZATION)

FACT CHECK: Last time I “had to” get hard was the first time I was having sexual intimacy to where intercourse was an option.

LOGICAL THOUGHT: The experience really only happened once. It likely just came up because of how barren sex was for you prior.

• My partner says she was pleased with the evening even after the unsuccessful foreplay seeing how she still cuddled with me and made out. She just feels bad for me. (DISQUALIFYING THE POSITIVE)

FACT CHECK: There’s no complete evidence that she just felt bad for me although she did want to have intercourse. The foreplay and cuddling alone in her eyes made for a great night.

LOGICAL THOUGHT: There’s no complete evidence that she just felt bad for me although she did want to have intercourse. The foreplay and cuddling alone in her eyes made for a great night.

• My partner probably thinks I’ll never be able to have intercourse with her even though she wants to try it again. (MIND READING)

FACT CHECK: There’s no evidence whatsoever saying she thinks I’ll never be able to have intercourse with her again— especially considering she wants to try it again.

LOGICAL THOUGHT: There’s no evidence whatsoever saying she thinks I’ll never be able to have intercourse with her again— especially considering she wants to try it again.

• The next time it comes up I’ll fail to get hard just like last time. (FORTUNE TELLING)

FACT CHECK: The reason the last time flopped was because you were scared to do it after so long of not having the opportunity after 19 years. That experience was a one-off thing and very likely got out of your system following it.

LOGICAL THOUGHT: That experience was a one-off thing and very likely got out of your system following it.

• I’m doing a disservice to my partner for not providing intercourse after foreplay. (CATEGORIAL IMPERATIVE)

FACT CHECK: Even though she wanted intercourse and felt she was being teased, she loved the foreplay and we had genuine connection and laughter together before, during, and after it.

LOGICAL THOUGHT: She was satisfied throughout the night with all the cuddling and foreplay— even without the intercourse.

• If I can’t get an erection tonight, she’ll leave me. (CATASTROPHIZING)

FACT CHECK: That was thought of in the moment. After that she cuddled with you and made out a bit longer before you left. She doesn’t think it’s unmasculine for you to cry when you’re unable to perform and she comforted you both when she was and wasn’t with you. She wants to try it again.

LOGICAL THOUGHT: She won’t leave you for that reason especially since she wants to try it again down the road.

[continuous-chocolate-boa]

For me, it is on and off. It is hard to tell when is going to happen. Obviously there is a trigger that I cannot control. Most likely from my subconscious mind. I start feeling pressure and then it becomes a vicious cycle through the interaction. I know I’m gonna get through this like everybody else in this group.

[developed-beige-anglerfish]

Could not get hard during a sexual experience due to nervousness

“What is wrong with me, why am I not getting hard” (all or nothing)
“She must think there’s something wrong with me” (Mind reading)

Being nervous is completely normal during a sexual encounter with a person you really like. It’s okay to not get hard because you can still enjoy yourself.

I have no idea what is going through her head. It was an awkward experience which we both admitted years later, but even with that said, that is okay.

[improved-jade-lungfish]

I have had trouble staying hard several times and that lead to me overgeneralizing and assuming that my partner would think that I am a failure and would never wanna meet up again. In reality, they have reached out ti me again and also told me they had a good time when we were together

[open-indigo-aardwolf]

I was worried that if she left I would forever lose my erection. My manhood. Fall to a porn addiction induced depression. I was worried that if she left I would never love again.

Castrophesizing

Truth is I survived. I grew stronger and started to explore my masculinity in other ways. I didn’t turn to porn, and I have started to accept a more healthy relationship with it. I am happier than ever without her.

I am now worried that if I experience ED with her again that she will never ever come back. She has hurt me a lot. And that pain makes me want to shut her out. Shutting her out makes me feel numb and like I’m not going to get an erection. Which repeats the cycle and causes that shut down.

Fortune telling.

At this point you have no idea how she feels.
She had just come out of an intense relationship and the intensity of ours scared her. She ran and ran by means of testing if I would stay.
She is just as anxious I will leave as I am.
If we do return to having sex. Safety is just as important as excitement. There’s no denying that.

[western-blue-woodpecker]

It’s our third time having sex this weekend, you’ll be fine if you don’t get it up you’ve had sex every night so far
I should be able to get hard even 30minutes after sex.
I probably can’t stay hard enough to cum so don’t get hard anyway

[northern-indigo-buzzard]

I know I go through streaks of being perfectly fine and then not so much. My partner and are going through a phase of the best sex of our relationship, then a day comes around when I think to my self “wouldn’t it be annoying if it happens right now?” And sure enough it does. Then I’m not present and in my head for a few rounds and the cycle just repeats. I need to work on being more present all the time and to stop observing myself. I know these techniques work

[spontaneous-olive-kite]

• I was too preoccupied with what could go wrong that I didn’t even want to have sex. The thought of trying to initiate it scared me too much. (Fortune telling).

We’ve discussed taking it slow and so she doesn’t care whether we do or not. We cuddled after and laughed and she seemed completely natural.

• she was walking around in her pants and I still wasn’t hard, or when we started kissing passionately and I didn’t get it up straight away. (Categorical imperative)

I did get it up for some foreplay later on and so that’s what matters. She’s able to and does get me hard.