Reprogram your negative thoughts exercise

I’ve lost my erection and I’ve failed

All or nothing

I was hard. We didnt have sex. I did give up rather than relax and continue body play. She is a difficult person to have sex with.

I was hard, i got in my head, she didnt help as her oral technique was actually quite painful, i would speak to her and she would pause and say “what” so the sex wasn’t exactly flowing, i wasnt that turned on by her as a person

  1. I don’t know why this keeps happening every time.
  2. Falls in category of…
  3. We stopped everything immediately because she thought I wasn’t into it. I felt is taking the turn and started making sure my hard on was still there. We were fine after the fact, but did not speak about it.
  4. I can hope it doesn’t happen again but it has only worked when I’m on a pill or when I’m tipsy. However, I hadn’t seen her in a while.

I should be able to immediately get hard and stay hard.
/If I am healthy, not too intoxicated, relaxed and in the mood I may get aroused and hard. If not it doesn’t matter and I should just enjoy the sensations.

I’m definitely not going to get hard tonight.
Im going to enjoy the sensations of my partner tonight which may lead to sex.

Last time I tried to have sex, I was nervous about getting it up beforehand, so feel like I didn’t make a move for this reason. It doesn’t happen all the time and I was definitely attracted to this girl. I need to try or how else will I know.

Yesterday during foreplay, my erection went soft when I told the girl about my situation and what may happen. This immediately flooded my mind with those thoughts and I started overthinking it. If it happens, move on. Try later.

  • I couldn’t get hard for my girlfriend when she’s asking me to have sex with her, makes me feel like wtf is wrong with me why is this happening, she must think I’m not interested in having sex with her. Truth - we had lengthy borderline foreplay session in which my erection was on and off, I felt pressure to perform and was tired and not that horny. She was not upset and I made her finish and she was happy.

Trying for a baby, unable to maintain an erection during foreplay and engaging in spectatorship. Trialled taking Viagra to attempt to make things easier but instead kept having the thought of “oh this isn’t going to work and I’m not going to be able to maintain an erection” which is over generalising, and then worrying about what she thinks of my failure and wasting time.

The truth is I know she is patient and cares and love me. I know that I can achieve an erection, I know that I am not a failure. I think it’s hard because although I know this, the negativity of not being able to maintain an erection is problematic for making a baby. It’s hard to not feel like I’m getting in my own way.

I rarely get fully hard, sometimes it’s hard enough to penetrate but I know it’s not at full strength. My partner doesn’t seem to mind and told me that she doesn’t care whilst staying affectionate. I should stop being so hard on myself because there is no evidence it is hurting our relationship.


My partner of 15 years has a low libido in general. We used to do it like rabbits but over the years, we got older, and she just doesn’t have desire anymore. This, of course, makes me feel undesirable and starved for sex, so when it actually DOES happen (rarely), It’s an immediate freakout. “This is my chance. If I blow her away with awesome sex, she’ll want to do it more often.”(mind reading?) And that doesn’t happen. I don’t think she’d leave me over this because she evidently doesn’t care about sex. But I care. I need more than I’m getting, and when I can get it, it doesn’t happen.

I broke down in tears the other day. This is all so much to handle at 34 years old. I just feel hopeless. I wake up with an erection and can sometimes get through sex. But if I don’t take viagra, I don’t even want to try sex. Even though I’m so turned on by my spouse and I’m drooling. My penis just feels dead.


  1. I’m a failure that I can’t get and maintain an erection

  2. I will never be able to have a normal functioning penis

  3. All or nothing

  4. Over generalization

  5. I’m not a failure. I’m an over anxious person. I’m going through a lot mentally.

  6. I have no evidence that I will never have a normal functioning penis again. This matter is very important to me, and I dramatize what I feel will happen in my life

  7. No one is perfect and your self worth is not measured from erections

  8. With therapy you will get back to normal
    I hope.

I was giving my wife oral sex and I was hard and she was enjoying it. As she was starting to get close to climax I started to worry my Penis was about to go soft and that’s all I could focus on. It did and when she came I was floppy and started to panic as I knew she would want penetrative sex. I managed to to get semi enough to penetrate and it did go harder but I was worried it would go floppy so came quite quick. She wasn’t impressed and it was an anti climax in the end.

Reality is I could have made her cum and not had sex and she would have been very stayisfied with that. I convinced myself if I did not get hard she would be disappointed so I forced the moment to happen. I will relax and if it happens and accept it knowing she was satisfied and penetrative sex is not always the end game. It is likely this would have turned her on even more if I had made her cum orally and made it all about her which in turn would have made me even more turned on and we would have had penetrative sex later at some point with no issues. I’m now looking forward to later and giving her some great foreplay with no thought for myself and it is arousing me already.

Last time I couldn’t get turned on during foreplay.
I was overanalyzing what went wrong: maybe i’m so used to strong arousal from masturbation, maybe i’m to stressed and in my head because it’s my first time with this partner after being not active sexually for couple months, maybe i’m just like that and it’s not fixable, maybe it’s my fear of being naked.
BUT it wasn’t always like that, I had good memories with sex in not so long ago, I was successful, I was able to please my partner and myself SO I have no evidence to be so harsh on myself and tell myself that it is going to happen again BEFORE it even happened…
It’s completely natural for man body to pump blood elsewhere while being freaked out, stressed and overthink the moment.

I think only I have given her this negative sexual experience and other guys have not. But I have a big dicks so why the fuck do I care about guys with small dicks.

Also, she has had bad experiences in the past and she loves me so I should not worry.他

Recently I lost my erection during head. I was embarrassed and assumed she felt I wasn’t attracted to her. My thinking fell into the mind reading, catastrophic thinking and the sense of duty of what I should be able to do.

  1. I wasn’t really feeling it in that moment.
  2. She was very supportive and genuine about it
  3. It’ll all come out in the wash

I had difficult with an erection in the morning with a new partner. We had sex the night before and I know I was just tried. During this moment, I felt frustrated and tense.

She didn’t seem to care at all, and we had breakfast and carried on our day.

It only happened once with her, and I have no evidence that it would happen again. In fact, we had great sex before that several times.

She left on vacation shortly after so I’ve had 2 weeks to think on it and make it worse in my head that it might happen again. It had never happened before with her and in fact, our sex was wonderful before.

Last time I had sex, I went soft during. I started to think I knew this would happen and it’s probably going to be a problem going forward, I started to think she will be disappointed and I started to think she would tell her friends about it.

Regarding the first thought, I can’t predict the future so there’s no telling wether it will happen again. And we also did end up having sex three times that day, and even though I went soft during at times, I was still able to do some penetration.

Regarding her being disappointed and telling he friends, there’s no evidence to show that she was disappointed or tell anyone. She seemed really into it as we did other sexual activities and she also said she orgasmed. She has also said later by text that she really enjoyed the day and has been having flashbacks about our time together. And she really does still seem to be into me.

I didn’t my get hard during foreplay so my partner will leave.

  • I couldn’t get hard during foreplay with a partner.
  • I was mad at myself that this was happening again. I thought my partner was disappointed
  • this was of thinking is irrational. My partner said she didn’t care about that at all. I know that when I relax I can perform.

Last time I was with a vibe I was able to get hard during foreplay and oral sex but when going in for penetration my penis lost its erection which has happened numerous times in my life or even worse i just wasn’t able to get it up at all due to being so nervous or from what i believe had to do with a fetish i had. I was just so disappointed, embarrassed, humiliated, and fed up. it felt like i made my partner disappointed with herself, it was so so awkward after. i just automatically believe that when i meet a new girl i won’t be able to get it up to the point where i have avoided sex and get nervous just thinking about it. it’s brought up so many compulsive thoughts about myself that i know aren’t true but i just don’t understand why i get so nervous.

me not getting it up has not happened every time and actually never happens after the first time unless something SUPER different happens in the sex routine that catches me off guard but other than that i haven’t had problems getting it up after the initial penetration. i have been able to get it up even when feeling nervous so i don’t have evidence that i’ll never get it up even if initially not ready. i also didn’t need to use my fetishes to get it up so there’s no evidence that this is a fetish vs a kink.

i’m with a brand new girl right after being in a long relationship, it makes sense that my body feels tense and i’m not super ready to get right into things especially after struggling with my fears for so long. how ever i know i will overcome this by God’s grace and i’m done focusing on the negative/untrue.

  • the last intimate date night with this girl I really like I couldn’t get hard enough to penetrate.

  • I felt like a complete failure and can’t recall a time when I was more embarrassed and depressed recently. I thought she would for sure lose complete interest in me.

  • it happened 2.5 out of 3 times we tried to have sex that weekend. That definitely hurt her emotionally. However, I know she is still dallying in love with me because even since then (3 weeks ago) we talk daily and certainly enjoy each other’s company.

  • I haven’t dated anyone seriously in a decade (largely due to this ED mental issue). So it was my first time making a big commitment to someone. Naturally, I was very nervous and wanted things to go well. The pressure prevented me from enjoying anything sexual and in fact majorly stressed me out. Next time I see her i will get it up, maintaining a Strong erection, and focus on enjoying the sex