Porn was always a shame spiral for me. I’d feel bad, self sooth by masturbating with porn, then feel ashamed of myself for looking at porn, and the masturbate to self sooth. The exorcises on erotic audio, directed masturbation, and exploration has changed the way I view porn, figuratively and literally. Instead of focusing on one way of masturbating and one or two types of porn I am trying all kinds of new things. I got myself some proper lubricant, a fleshlight, a premium porn subscription, and an erotica novel. Some of the experimentation still requires time to adjust, I can’t stay hard using the fleshlight and its been a challenge not to go to my default porn to climax quicker. That being said, my phone is no longer my main source of pornography which I’m really happy about. The process has been like switching from fast food to home cooked meals. Sure it takes longer to prepare and some appliances need to be cleaned when I’m done but the experience is more enjoyable and most importantly I don’t feel guilty for doing something that is supposed to be pleasurable.
Yeah, I can relate, needing to resensitize as I was too accustomed to a dry hand firm grip, which is quite different from the terrain in an actual vagina. The flesh-light then is an extremely helpful tool, relying less on the hand itself (which now is lubricated in any case). The name of the game is gaining sensitivity to FEEL all thr sensations, even if they not be hard and fast like our hand can do. Actually, porn is such a passive experience in general, we don’t even have to thrust our hips, and obviously highly visual, which is why we need to train ourselves to feel ALL the sensations and not just zone out until we feel we’re ready to cum. I’m getting better little by little, but at this point I still feel when I choose to cum I generally still need to switch to my hand (though lubricated now) for a little hard and fast action to get me close to the edge that after which I can put it back into the toy or perhaps the woman I may be with and finally feel what cumming feels like with the wonderful sensation of actually being inside (or perhaps getting there to then “hand it off” to our partner to finish us off which is also such a nice feeling).
I really appreciate you sharing this. I can definitely relate to the “shame spiral” you described and developing a pattern of using porn and masturbation to self-soothe. Thanks for showing us that other approaches are possible—and ultimately more pleasurable! Gives me some hope for my own journey.
It’s a small change but now I can’t cum without lubrication and I’m super stoked about it. I can still get off with porn on my phone but not without lubing up. It’s a sign that I’m rewiring my brain for the real thing. The program is working.
I haven’t got to where you are yet. It’s only been a week on Mojo. I’m so worried about porn that I’ve simply just stopped using it. But of course I get “cravings” when I want to pleasure myself. I will keep going on the programme and see how my ideas around porn evolves. Thank you.