“Disappointed in myself” is a fucking understatement. “Frustrated” doesn’t even begin to describe how I’m feeling, and saying that I’m stressed for the future is not selling it.
I’ve been working on my porn addiction these past few weeks, and when it comes to not watching it, I’m actually doing well. I haven’t watched any pornographic photos or videos for quite a while, maybe even a month.
Only problem is, everything else I do feels like all of the progress I made on that is nothing. I was doing well originally, but I slowly started to get hornier by the day, and now… I don’t even know what to think.
Instead of watching porn, I ended up writing sexual scenarios and stories and masturbating to them as I did. Sure, it’s not the same, but it’s hurting me still. Like I said, it’s like I’m throwing away all of the progress I made. For three days straight I’ve masturbated without wanting to, and each night I go to bed thinking “tomorrow I’ll be better” and I don’t.
Admittedly, today I didn’t write anything, but I still committed the sin of jerking off. I want to stop. I want to be better, but no matter what I try to do, it doesn’t fucking work. Exercising, meditating, lowering screen time? Nothing. I’m learning a lot on this app, but what’s the point when I can’t control myself anymore??