I started feeling like I should be getting hard because I’m touching it.
That when i got hard i stopped touching it and it went down so fast that had me thinking about the same thing that happens when i have sex
After getting hard from touching it, I felt negative associations with the feeling of going soft. I also felt the familiar feeling of immediately losing an erection once I noticed I had one. My inner critic making me think it somehow loses rigidity fast if not thinking of something arousing or feeling continuous stimulation. However, I also felt more confidence from knowing my penis is innately sensitive to touch when there are no expectations or a partner around.
Started to think at first about how I should get super hard in seconds if I’m touching it. Then it began to tell me how it takes too long to get hard.
Felt silly at times. My penis looked miserable and useless… but then I started to have fun, not pleasure fun but exploration. I started being silly and was myself but then I realised I’m never really my true self when I’m intimate with someone and I put a front up or act how I think I should and maybe I should relax and be myself more.
I was also worried that this flaccid feeling would occur during sex again and it brought me back to when it had happened before. Just looking at my limp dick with disappointment. Intrigued to try again.
That my penis was small when it wasn’t hard and how could something like that satisfy a woman. Impact performance anxiety a lot, it’s one of the main things that goes through my head
My inner critic says my soft penis is too small. I know it’s bigger when hard but probably slightly below average and therefore my inner critic says it’s not enough. I also think I should get hard from touching my penis and that if I can’t get hard from it I never will.
I started judging it based on appearance a little bit
Not have the pressure of having to get hard made it super hard to keep the erection down. I have to stop every minute or so because I was getting an erection from all that touching.
My inner critic was worried about the look of my penis
Didn’t really notice the inner critic. It feels natural for me to touch myself.
“You can’t control this thing at all”
“Look at it shriveling up, yuck”
Don’t get hard
As i start to get hard i stop. And then notices it going down quick. I notice that this is the moment that sets me back, that triggers my anxiety
Feeling of sensation
My inner critic was telling me I should beg getting hard, easily.
Inner critic was telling me that X amount of time has passed you should be completely solid by now. But then I reminded myself that was the whole point and it became easier to quieten him down.
I worried that it’s difficult to feel pleasure just by touching or massaging my dick
The inner critic was saying that touching my penis should be getting me hard and I was a failure not to. It triggered a lot of the feelings when it doesn’t work.
“Too small, should have never been circumcised, that was sexual mutilation, it’s going to stop working if I don’t use it more”