It is a downward spiral.
I do. I’m coming out of a ten year monogamous relationship where we fought for the last two and didn’t have sex. I am starting to date again and now and hookup with other men. Having been out of sexual practice with another person, I am very nervous about how I am perceived sexually and feeling out of practice. I also have anxiety about pleasuring the other (not being good enough, being judged, not well versed…)
Yes. I get anxious that I won’t get hard
I’m 41 now. I was a little bit aspie as a teenager which made intimacy challenging. I had my share of suiters and engaged in sexual congress, but managed to put it in my mind that ‘I don’t even enjoy sex and I would rather read a book (I do love reading)’. Then, at 26, following university, I gave up on intimacy altogether! I missed so many opportunities - not simply for sexual liaisons with attractive women, but to find my life partner. At 33, I decided to put myself out there and immediately attracted a string of women into my life, all of whom wished to pillow with me. I let them all down. I met who would ordinarily be my life partner last and she’s been holding on ever since, but we had to forego sex many years ago (she carried sexual trauma, too, but not to my extent, just abusive ex stuff). I didn’t understand the underlying issues of sexual anxiety (psychological study is so accessible these days) and put it all down to my little bit of autism and figured that made me somewhat unique in the problem and therefore beyond help. What a cop out.
Other than that, I am fit and healthy. Full of energy and very playful. I eat well and am emotionally attentive. I’d be a great romantic, I really would!
Time to fix this nonsense and start living!
Go well, everyone.
I think the first time I had sex I had a feeling of not getting up and I didn’t even know that was possible and it’s created this cycle where every time I try I worry about failing
I get hard when we’re making out but when it’s actually go time it flops. Literally
I find that once I’m having penetrative sex all my anxiousness goes away. It’s the lead up and foreplay where I find my performance anxiety affects me most. I am currently in a relationship for the first time and having lots of fun but my performance anxiety is getting worse. I have had a few instances where I couldn’t get hard and for the most part my girlfriend is supportive and understanding but she has also reacted in ways that have stuck with me. Lately I’ve been anxious hours before going to see my girlfriend because I know we might get intimate and I’m afraid I won’t be able to get hard. It’s really draining and affecting me mentally 24/7.
I just want to do a good job… 
I just start worrying
Yes. And a lot during when I’m over analysing everything
Can’t enjoy it.
Yes. I get anxious thoughts before and a sense of dread knowing what’s to come.
Yes while having sex I want to and I am fully down to do it but I often worry am I going to be good enough ever since my first time where I felt extremely embarrassed that I had trouble getting and keeping a hard on
Yes, often it stops me from being in the moment and can make me lose my erection
It’s usually fine at first if I start off relaxed and enjoying the company of the woman, but often in the course of things I seem to disconnect and it seems that this happens usually in moments when I am not the dominant person or if I am really focused on pleasuring her. Then when it happens it brings up so many negative feelings that it is hard to turn it around. It’s very depressing and makes me feel inadequate and insecure.
100%. Happened my first time in bed with a girl college at 19, and am 26 now with not being able to get or maintain an erection 10+ times with 5 different women. It’s honestly made me just avoid bringing girls back to my place after for example hooking up at a bar. I’d rather say some excuse then have the experience of bring her back to my place and not getting it up.
Yes for the last few years I have had issues that I thought were more due to my diabetes and other health issues and have tried Viagra but lately I have started to realize it is more of a mental issue.
Yes, exactly as described. Anxious of failure causes problems of maintenance of hardness which immediately cause more anxiety which then kills erection.
It started with guilt from leaving my wife, this erection failure caused my partner to get distressed and say things like “I obviously don’t fancy her, or she can’t do it right for me”.
The initial guilt has now past but the failure anxiety kicks in every time and and has done now for 10 years! My partner still voices the same concerns.
My long term partner has had some issues with sex in her past. I feel like I have to perform well or she will feel unloved and rejected. It wasn’t an issue for the first 4 years of our relationship, but recently I’ve had some trouble and it’s terrifying. I’m under a lot of pressure at work and with my finances and I struggle with depression and anxiety, all of which is contributory I’m sure. But I feel like it’s this overwhelming fear of hurting her that is one of my biggest issues. I also probably have a physical component as I have diabetes and high blood pressure, but I’ve had those problems for a long time and haven’t had an issue.
I have never had any nervousness around sexual anxiety. One day I was performing how I always perform then the next time about 4 days later I couldn’t get it up. Then I realized that I hadn’t had my morning erections lately. I also realized that the last time I masturbated it wasn’t that hard…now I’m not sure what’s going on. I’m scared and my girl has been great about it but I’m scared cause something like this has never even come close to happening to me.