Things haven’t been great for a few months. One thing that really triggers me is when my wife suggests we cook meals separately. It can come up in conversation for different reasons but it really annoys me because it feels like she’s trying to break down the things that keep us together. The last time she said it, I said ‘if you want to do that you can go down to your dad’s and eat meals there’. Obviously I shouldn’t have said it and it was stupid because I don’t want that to happen and she was like ‘I’m this close to doing that’.
Last argument was about a stressful housemate situation I let go in too long. She felt unheard, I was kind of ignoring the situation too. Neither of us were happy. She drank and all filters disappeared. Triggered me to retreat. Still an issue but hopefully things will improve. Housemate is gone.
My first partner back in my late teens made a lot of hurtful comments about some psychological ED that I experienced. All I needed was trust, support, and acceptance; however, I ended up feeling fragile, frustrated, and lonely. My partner at the time, being a young and attractive woman, had obviously never experienced this issue, and took it quite personally, which I think is why she said such damaging things to me. All of my issues stem from this year, but thankfully many years later we reconnected and started seeing each other again briefly, and there was no psychological ED issues 
My mom is getting older and her capacity to remember is fading. She tends to lose the same things on a weekly basis. We repetitively get in very heated at arguments around our experiences of memory to solve lost things problem.
I imagine she is feeling insecure and tired because she needs to feel confident in herself and know she has the capacity to be independent.
My mom is getting older and losing her ability to remember. On a weekly basis she loses the same things that get her through her day. When it comes to solving these problems we both have different memories of where or what happened. This quickly devolves into heated arguments.
I imagine she feels frustrated and self-conscious because she needs to feel confident and capable to operate independently on a day to day basis.
This
My partner needs a lot of attention and when I’m not giving it them they tend to get very angry and shut me out. There’s nothing I can do in those moments to bring them out of their funk and then I get triggered as a result.
Most of our conflicts surround my wife’s emotions and me not meeting her needs to support her through those emotions. I am an engineer and go into problem solve mode for her and it’s really hard for me to just accept that she doesn’t want me to solve her problems but to just listen and support her it drives me nuts because often times to me there is a clear cut way of avoiding or dealing with the issue but I need to do a better job listening and supporting and validating her and letting her work through those feelings on her own. I tend to brush off a lot of her emotions as ridiculous because to me the issues are so trivial.
I’m a very conflict-avoidant person and I remember letting my resentment build for something I thought my ex was doing wrong rather than trying to talk it out with her.
My last conflict, I was feeling disappointed, jealous I’m not understood. She was feeling frustrated, unheard and uneasy. My needs were the same as hers closeness, and intimacy. However, the lead to separation and space
It’s hard to know what I need a lot of times. And it got frustrating trying to figure out the right things to say or do for those I was in a relationship with. I didn’t approach the feelings they were having with questions, but rather stated they were angry or frustrated. And then if it was frustration or anger with me I got triggered and felt bad and then would either get quiet, not know what to do, or get defensive. Relationships are hard for me to navigate. But I do know the first thing I should be able to navigate somewhat, are my own personal needs and wants, and be able to give those things to myself. Articulating and bringing awareness to how I feel is important just like it is articulating and bringing awareness to how others are feeling that I am close with.
Partner unhappy, angry/frustrated, feels PE Is ruining the relationship, doesn’t understand why it can’t just be turned off, wants to feel connected and satisfied
In my current relationship we tried adding another girl , although my wife agreed and seemed keen on the outside she was actually upset and felt like she wasn’t enough . We have since talked about it and have resolved it properly .
My wife has been feeling that she ends up making all the big decisions and doing all the big jobs in our marriage. My retort has often been that I do a lot (cooking, cleaning, pet care etc) and I’m not some guy that sits on his X Box or whatever. Also, if I do take the lead on things she feels I’m being pushy or needy. She also says she ‘doesn’t feel like a woman’ which frustrates me because 1) I don’t know how to make her feel like a woman and 2) feeling ‘like a man’ isn’t important to me so I tend to see her wanting to feel like a woman as pathological (ie she only wants that because she grew up in a misogynistic culture).
Not looking good is it? lol
The big conflict that was a catalyst for my marriage going to shit was a row over installing a dishwasher. My wife got frustrated because she felt she was being left to sort it out. I did try to help her but as soon as I yelled ‘fuck!’ when the kitchen top got damaged, she got angry and said she didn’t want my help any more. I did want to help solve the problem but I’m terrible at practical stuff and I have a really bad problem of panicking and then letting someone else come up with a solution. What I think I should have done was acknowledge her frustration, given her space, and then tried to break down the problem on my own, writing it all down if need be. Then hopefully solved it…. It freaks me out though because there’s only so much I can change.
I barely argued in my past relationship but I think it meant that many tensions went unnoticed and unresolved for years before eventually becoming issues that we could not fix. She was more playful, enjoyed socialising in larger groups, teasing etc. I enjoyed that to a point but also needed warmth and care and deeper connection, things that I didn’t get from our relationship.
It happened frequently with my ex girlfriend that we discussed about future plans like getting married, having kids or the city we would be living next. We had very different opinions about these topics and these discussions ended badly. In hindsight, I know my problem was not that I wasn’t agreeing with everything she wanted, but being so closed about what she had to say. She probably was feeling very -insecure- for the future and I would guess she needed some -acceptance- and -closeness- which I wasn’t giving at the time. I usually felt -burnt out- and -frustrated- of how repetitive these conversations were and needed some -space- which she was not giving to me.
I didn’t respect my girl who I was datings boundaries.
I felt I needed to mould her into what I wanted to get closer and closer but it made her uncomfortable and overwhelmed until eventually she called it quits.
It hurt but I learned a valuable lesson. We are on good terms again and I can see us seeing each other again romantically but this time I want to take it much slower
My ex and I often argued about trust. Although I’ve never cheated nor did anything to lose her trust, she would often throw fits, go into fake full blown tears, threaten with sui**** if she didn’t have things her way. She would ask me to block female friends and what not, I guess that she just didn’t want me to lose interest in her for someone else or she thought I would take a liking for someone else eventually… she felt jealous, paranoid, and needed reassurance that I wouldn’t leave her for anyone else. I felt miserable and controlled that she would have me block close friends of mine (genuinely platonic friendships were all I had with other girls) and I needed her to understand and accept that I wouldn’t turn away from her. She continued to not trust me so I eventually left the relationship. Though I did my part to give her reassurance without losing my friendships with other individuals, she couldn’t do her part to trust.
My ex partner and I had to get through some really difficult times together. Kind of like holding onto each other during a storm. This meant we constantly felt in conflict with the world around us and did not make space to air our issues about each other in a healthy way. It is an odd balance, to feel safe enough to have conflict. But I see now that it is pivotal to a relationship that is healthy but also one that grows. We broke up and it has been tough but we learned so much from each other, especially through the parts that we got wrong.