I felt insecure, disappointed and frustrated. I needed understanding and to be heard
Her: anger, loss of trust in me, worry, frustration, uncomfortable, unheard. Needed to feel safe. Not sure what else she needed as it was a result of my actions - she needed me to be more careful?
Me: I don’t know. I’m annoyed because it turned out to be lead even after testing it twice, so I just put that aside as there wasn’t anything else I could do. I was annoyed, frustrated with myself, and I thought I did the due diligence to check before doing it. I don’t think there is anything else i could have done and just have to take it as a mistake in my party. I didn’t need anything, other that her to just understand the situation properly. Obviously I explained what happened and unfortunately was on the defensive but she wouldn’t have it. I was also frustrated at how she was reaching to everything and completely shutting me out. I needed her to understand me which I don’t think she took.
Note, I sanded a door inside that had a layer of lead paint in it. I tested it twice and lead didn’t show up so I sanded it. Later we found it did have lead in it and this triggered the whole fight (lead is harmful if breathed in). Honestly I think she overreacted the way she did, but of course I understand where it stemmed from and how my actions ‘led’ to this. Apologies didn’t work no matter how much I tried to ask her about her feelings, she called me a “dangerous stranger” as she couldn’t trust me… I think perhaps an overreaction to the situation for what it was.
Her: would just give me the silent treatment in a very immature way and refuse to talk about any conflict. I’m so glad I’m over that womanchild
My ex when I was in highschool. I was being irritated, controlling and needy. I know I wasn’t right. She needed space and understanding when I was looking for something in her that didn’t exist.The whole thing was a mess because long story she confessed and I didn’t know how to handle the situation so she went ghost with a couple of guys. Came back and had this guy bf and who did “things” that I wasn’t happy about yet there were still friends and that frustrated me. I told her to cut him off which was wrong of me. There’s a lot more context but I should’ve been more understanding
Needed to address an employee contribution to a projet and he didnt get the criticism right. I should have spend mire time crafting the environment for discussion.
I was taking getting up too quickly and rushing her out of bed. I tried repeating her feelings to understand better.
I only get up early sometimes and try to take it slow
In my past relationship we had many arguments, and sometimes she would lock herself away in her room in her house and ghost me, and I didn’t like this as I wanted to solve the conflict right then and right now. So I would go to visit her and be direct with the conflict, which I knew she didn’t like.
Looking back, I realise that my need was for connection and to solve the conflict because ultimately I was anxious that she would leave me and I also wanted to know what she was thinking and what I had done wrong.
I know that she wanted space and time to deal with her emotions, which was something that she never communicated and I never understood, but now I do.
In hindsight, I should have dealt with my own worries and anxiety more maturely and gave my ex the time and space she needed to process her emotions. This will be something I’ll be mindful of going forward into my next relationship.
I mean this one’s a bit of a challenge for me. In my life right now my marriage is on ice and feels like it’s just holding on. A big part of that is our refusal to face conflict. We always tried to avoid it instead of dealing with it and now it’s built up so much resentment that it gets in the way of healing.
People. FACE the conflict. Talk it out. Help each other. Don’t make my mistakes.
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I consider myself very communicative when it comes to conflict, with one of my biggest issues being that I may be a bit too honest and direct, making me sound sometimes as quite aggressive. I should focus more on getting feedback from the other people rather than labelling them too early according to my perspective
Having a conversation/argument about our lack of sex - felt like the feeling was of neglect & unattractive, and the need was validation, connection, sexual desire.
I cancelled evening plans with her in the morning. She felt irritated and neglected because her needs for organisation and socialising weren’t met. I felt burnt out and confused when she was upset because I didnt understand her frustration and I was tired.
She felt that she was doing most of the planning around dates and I was taking more of a passive approach. I realized it gave an impression that I don’t care and I resolved to work on it.
I honestly don’t have many conflicts. Maybe I avoid them too much?
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I avoid conflicts a lot which means I don’t say the truth a lot. Because I never get to that point in the first place.
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I felt afraid and needed acceptance
Insecure and closeness
Frustrated and space
Loneliness, not cared for.
In my prev relationship it was common occurence that my partner was not getting the physical love that she wanted, sometimes I would remember about her needs and went for hugs and kisses, but then I forgot, she felt like I did not care about her or that I didnt love her. It became a recurrent topic, and for me it was hard to put myself in her shoes at the time…
I am feeling insecure at the moment and i need closeness for sure
I feel insecure in my relationship with my wife. I need to feel more understood. I need more touch, and to feel appreciated
Nat was feeling insecure, frustrated, and confused. She needed reassurance and direction.