Hey all, I’m new here. I’ve been struggling with this issue for about 7-8 years. Prior to that I was a raging horn dog. I’m in my mid-forties and fortunate to have a beautiful and loving partner. Historically, our sex has always been great. This issue hit me at a time where I was going through a lot of anxiety and depression. There was a moment where we were having sex and I lost my erection and I felt as though something between my brain and my cock severed. It was actually very shocking and traumatic. Anyhow, I did the whole medical work up and I’m completely and totally healthy. I have used the generic Viagra and Cialis as an aide over the years, and over the past few I have relied on them heavily. Sometimes they help and sometimes they don’t (It depends on how anxious I am), but I still feel compelled to use them as " insurance". Has anyone had success discontinuing meds and using the skills taught here without them? I sense that there’s something in my ego that really does not like relying on them or using them. I also wonder how it might reinforce my doubt and my inner critic dialogue. Any insights are appreciated. I feel as though I can learn to adapt and pivot sexually, but where I might put pressure on myself is that I know my wife likes a good hard cock at least once in a while, and all of the “expand your definition of sex/ use your fingers and tongue” suggestions are fine, but quite frankly disappointing.
Yeeaaap, I feel your pain precisely. Thing is, the ‘expand your definition…’ is the only real way to disconnect from that feeling of disconnection ironically. Like taking five steps back to get a new perspective. I had/have exactly the same feeling of severance and exactly the same response for about the same length of time.
The problem is that the best way sems to be to use other approaches to learn to not focus on the immediate issue. It’s not just about that though, it’s also about removing the need for feelings of failure. If it’s not part of the process for a while, you don’t need to worry about it. Over time, acceptance will help you to get better at not focussing on that one thing which will ironically help that issue. How about you set one night a week aside for the alternative so you still feel relevant?
I realise you don’t really want that answer but nothing will just fix this link without broadening your perspective. Genuinely wish you the best of luck whatever you decide to do.
I don’t have the answer to your question because I am going through the exact same dilemma.
My life was terrible before I took the medications and I don’t regret taking them at all. However, I don’t think that is the only solution. I look at the ED issue the same way as any other health problem.
If we have a migraine, it’s okay to take a medication, but we also need to work on ways to prevent the migraine from happening.
Since I am still figuring this out, I don’t have much to add, but know that you are not alone.
First time I had Psychogenic ED was 15 years ago.
I thought I had a problem, and my girlfriend back then was very young and inexperienced, so she took it personally and told me “ I hope you don’t have a problem “, I felt so bad because of that, and went immediately to the doc and he gave me Levitra.
Of course since then I had huge erections but I became addicted to the pills and 15 years later I rely on them.
Problem is my body got use to it and it doesn’t work anymore, so much that if my anxiety creeps up , I’m totally flaccid.
Looking back, I should have not taken meds and taking the problem from the source , understanding that the only problem I had was my anxiety, thinking I was not enough, and, getting rid of that girl .
Looking back , I should have tell her to give me a massage, relaxing me, instead of putting that bull…s…t in my head.
I think, the point is to understand that guys with psychological ed are too afraid of losing their girlfriend, not being good enough, deep inside a lot of insecurity.
Doing that program and understanding the whole picture is very helpful .
Pills aren’t