If I can’t get hard my gf will cheat or leave me
I’m man enough to pursue new relationships that include sexual contact and intimacy
Negative: He thinks I m a failure
Alternative: He wanted to see me again. He came. He thought I was hot
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Negative: I failed before so it’s likely I’ll fail again
I focused on failure and it became a reality, so I’ll learn to think differently
Negative: “I’m incapable and am less than everyone else because of this”
Positive: “you know your penis works, this only happens when the pressure gets to you”
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Negative thought: I have not been able to get hard at the most intense parts of being intimate.
Alternative thoughts: I have actually gotten hard many times with my partner when just relaxing and kissing without thinking of sex. There is nothing wrong physically. I just need to go with the flow
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That if I practice well and develop positive mindset, I will heal my premature ejaculation syndrome.
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I don’t understand why I can’t get hard when I want to have sex. Alternative- I know I can get hard to have sex.
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One of the last times I had sex I got soft in her. I told her I need a break. She probably thought I wasn’t interested which breaks my heart because I’m in love with this woman.
Alternatively, I got soft because we had been having sex 2-3 times a day for 10 days. Of course I was going to get soft my penis was literally numb at that point from over stimulation. Probably just need to space it out. Listen to my body for once and stop doing things because my partner wants it.
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Last time I mucked around with this guy I like, my erection became softer after a while when he was giving me head.
Thought: There’s something wrong with me because his erection was hard as a rock.
Alternative: His erection in all likelihood did the same and I didn’t even notice. I even raised my overthinking with him later and he told me he “hadn’t even noticed”. Or perhaps being always hard is just HIS normal.
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I resonate with the ‘all or nothing’ mentality. I recently had alright sex with a new partner. It wasn’t bad, but far from amazing. Through reprogramming I am comfortable with the knowledge that it was probably fine for her too - and while it could have been better, it is understandable that our first time together wouldn’t be perfect.
I couldn’t get hard with a recent new partner and I remember thinking “I knew this was going to happen, she must think I’m such a loser”. In reality I don’t know what she thought of me and I didn’t know that it was going to happen, it probably happened because I thought it would.
Early on in my relationship with a new partner, there were a few times she grabbed my crotch during foreplay, and I wasn’t hard. She pulled her hands away those times, and the feeling of not being ‘man enough’ and ready has really set in. We’ve had sex since then. A couple of times, I completely failed to get hard. So I started using ED meds to help me get over the mental barrier. I want to stop using the meds because there’s nothing wrong with me physically, but I keep thinking that I’ll disappoint her and lose her if I can’t perform in the moment. This ends up become a self fulfilling prophecy. I want to reprogram this desperately.
“Why am I not fully hard right now, what is wrong with me?!”
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That i won’t be able to get an erection next time i have sex
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I had an experience where I was aroused when my partner initiated intimacy, and then I went into a fight or flight stress mode out of fear on what would happen if I lost my erection, and I started to control and think and get out of my body. All she wanted to do was explore me and give me pleasure and I’m the one that turned it into a performance focused moment
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I can reprogram the thought of avoiding sex so I don’t have to deal with disappointment
I can change the thought that I didn’t please my partner the last time we had sex. They enjoyed it even though I did not last very long.
That I’m a lost cause. I think I definitely catastrophise way too much and I think it actually makes situations a lot worse than they need to be. I’m a sucker for overthinking issues.
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