I had a girlfriend since end of January and due to serious ETD issues very similar to the ones described here on Mojo (many thanks for it), she now decided to part with me. We never went silent about it though, was constantly discussing the topic and even told her about Mojo and showed it. I was exploring and describing her alternatives to penetrattive sex until resolved (we did mainly oral) but her sexual happiness didnt materialise at the end. I kept telling her I feel like I was improving thanks to this programme, I am constantly doing the techniques and also happy to see a specialist. She was still sceptical about it and stubborn (I think she still took it personally eventhough multiple rounds of explaining her about performance anxiety), didn’t quiet feel the support & patience as opposed to apparent feelings on her end. Obviously largely disappointed with her decision, because I had feelings for her (that’s why its a vicious circle) but this will not stop me to be extra motivated to resolve it and will only focus on my personal development to improve it also thanks to you and the community.
Advice is really to talk about it with your partner to be understanding and patient about it, but obv depends on the level and depth of the relationship. I guess she wasn’t the one for me, because she could have done the same then if imagine I had a serious (physical) illness or something in the future.
It’s really tricky
It’s really tricky and I’ve had bad experiences sharing. Maybe this is an issue with how I’ve shared.
Comfortable, however I’m not sure if it helps
Tough, but she seems to understand
I communicate my thought processes throughout the day and my partner who may not fully understand is typically pretty good about providing reassurance.
I was a bit embarrassed when it happened our first time (just over a month ago), because i had hoped it was behind me, so I had to sheepishly explain that I wasn’t totally surprised by it. But she was so understanding and supportive that it was very easy. and it made me much more comfortable to tell her about my process of addressing the issue (ie, going through the Mojo program). Erections haven’t been perfect since then, but sex has gone pretty smoothly, and she has really made clear that being with me is what is important to her, not how well i perform.
I’m both comfortable with it and also have a fear of disappointing them. The more we talk the more comfortable I feel and the less fear I experience
Not a problem. My wife doesnt think its an issue and we mostly have great sex.
Indifferent
Since I have told them I feel way more confortable, I still feel a bit like a failure if I bring it up when I cant get hard but still feel comfortable overall
It’s best to let them know what to expect.
It’s a tough discussion to have but I’m glad I did it
When we were dating, my future wife suffered from something called vaginismus which made her vagina clamp closed to the point that it was impossible to have intercourse (my erections were very hard back then). Anyway, she went to a sex therapist and he gave her exercises to do with my help. Let me tell you, helping her get better felt so good, even though we couldn’t have intercourse for quite a while.
I imagine a good woman will help you overcome your issues, and probably be proud of herself when you are back to normal. Good luck, bud!!!
It’s awkward and carries a risk of rejection(?) or her breaking a confidence with other people but also seems necessary and - counterintuitively - a positive anxiety-reducing thing to do. And if we’ve got any connection at all then she should be the type of person to be sympathetic. And possibly even enjoy being playful.
I am fine with it. I think it’s much harder to discuss the issue with a one night stand versus someone that you’ve been dating a while.
I have been discussing my ED with my partner, and while it has lead to improvements it’s been tricky to navigate emotionally for both of us. I still have trouble speaking up when I’m not feeling aroused on an given night.
I’m comfortable being honest. I want my wife and me to enjoy sex to the fullest, whatever it ends up being.
I need to do that more.
I can talk open with my partner about it and she understand it