What does your inner critic sound like? (Part 1)

Since I broke up with my ex, I have this voice every time i get into a sexual situation with someone. It just tells me that i won t be able to do it this time again, and it’s bugging me out. It really hurts my confidence and I don’t know how to get rid of it.

I know I have an inner critic because the first things I think of leading up to sex is am I going to be able to maintain an erection and will I be able to last. It’s hard to visualize the voice and looks of my critic because it’s just my thoughts running through my head vice someone talking to me.

Just a defeated voice in my head “why bother even trying? You’re just going to disappoint her”.

My inner critic always makes sure to tell me my dick won’t be enough to pleasure someone. Or I should instantly be aroused because that’s how friends always describe their sexual experiences. I start questioning if I’m even enjoying the experience, anticipating when I’ll go soft again or even be able to get it up. Sometimes I hear my inner critic asking if I’m even worthy to have sex with.

Sometimes my inner critic will invite other voices into my head and remind me of past critical judgements. ‘You’re the type of person who will only be looked at as a friend, not a partner.’ My inner critic always makes me know, even if I maintain an erection, my performance will end in disappointment.

The voice is sometimes a version of myself, maybe myself when I didn’t have these issues, telling me that there is no way I’m going to get it done in my current state. Sometimes it is more like a vignette of a past time that things didn’t work out well. I am brought back to those times in my head.

I’m in a new relationship and it’s been an issue from the beginning but the first month nothing was made of it but now i feel my relationship depends on working soon and that puts too much pressure on it.

My inner critic says you only got a few moments before it goes down.

It’s definitely a version of myself that doesn’t feel removed from me. It’s a voice that I create.

My inner critic is just my voice whispering to me that I will not get erect or will not be able to hold it for long enough to penetrate.

I always start out confident when in a romantic situation. It feels playful, and I enjoy being desired by a woman. The second things escalate I begin to immediately think about whether or not I am aroused, and this is where my mind remains until I eventually have to get out of the situation altogether. This destroys me because I would love to experience pleasure.

I thought it was a great idea on personifying the negative thoughts into an alter ego and pushing it away. It was my first time thinking about that. While I mentally said “No” to this alter-self, I felt a sense of relief as it was pushed aside. The alter self came back quickly, of course, but with practice I can tame these thoughts… hopefully. I just have to put it into practice.

My inner critic is my voice, but a totally different character… like a leisure suit playboy who can get rock hard whenever he wants… to as long as he wants to… with however many beautiful girl he wants to. He’s got it made in the shade.

He talks to me like I’m some kind wanna be kid, just a tryhard who’ll never be able to keep it up or get hard instantly like he does.

He tells me if I was a real manly man, I’d have no problem, but since it’s a huge struggle to get it up consistently, I must not deserve the woman I’m with.

My partner used to have vaginismus, and even though she was treated this sparked a spiral of anxiety. Then I had trouble ejaculating, and eventually it was treated, but now the issues have come back. My inner critic is telling me that we won’t be able to have kids because I won’t be able to get it up.

My Inner Critic is such a constant nag that I often times forget it’s even there, But holy crap does it impact me on the daily. Not only with sex but with so many other things that are also important to me (my business, my goals, etc.). It convinces me that I’m not good enough for my partner, it constantly reminds me that there’s the possibility of going soft or even worse not being able to get it up at all (which often times does end up happening since it’s all that’s on my mind), and ultimately it leads to me not taking action on stuff because “there’s so many things that could go wrong”. Despite having achieved a lot of success I know that this voice is the sole thing holding me back in so many aspects of life, sex being the one that messes with my worth and self esteem the most.

My inner critic has my own voice and puts seeds of doubt in my head about if I will be able to perform before sex. Then during sex it it just present, not really saying anything but causing doubt in the back of my mind.

I’m not sure what the voice is but is bottomless feeling of self doubt and pity. I automatically assume and think the worst. I have a lovely very understanding girlfriend but I will have those thoughts of “eventually she will get fed up and leave” which just adds to the anxiety and more self doubt.

My inner critic assumes it’s going to go bad and starts rehearsing excuses I can use if I lose my erection

Thoughts that come into my mind…
-Just keep trying, it’ll happen
-This isn’t going to happen
-I’m not doing very well at this

My inner critic is new. A month ago, I never thought about performance issues and never had an issue with performance. Then I started ordering slidenafil just to help my erections when I was drinking, now I can hear my inner critic telling me that I need the slidenafil to get it up while it also continuously tells me that I should be focusing on keeping an erection.

My inner critic has my voice and it constantly plays in the back of my head tries to get me to stop progressing things which will lead to sex saying things like “it’s not too late you can still leave” “you know you won’t get an erection”

My Inner Critic is a part of my being, my very spirit. He reminds me frequently that my birth mother abandoned me and didn’t even speak of me to her best friend and the family to whom she was so very close they supported her through her suffering to death. He says I wasn’t loved from the get-go. He says I was so weak I allowed my male cousins to sexually abuse me. He says that’s why I became religious and was regarded as poofy at school preferring to play skipping with the girls rather than be cack-handed at football etc. at school. Following on at University, I struggled for companionship at Uni and all my relationships with girls failed. Growing up in the 70s I was so blessed to meet James but the negative and always judgemental force told me my life choice with James could never be easy nor happy. For 46 years I could handle that because James was there. Now my Critic says it’s all my fault. After all that led to our wonderful relationship, there was bound to be retribution and that’s why I’ve suffered as I have. But that Critic NEVER takes account of what we/I HAVE achieved against all odds ultimately getting James back home and negotiating to guarantee James will be safe in his Care Home for the rest of his natural life. I can see it and can now congratulate myself for all the good I’ve done for us both DESPITE the hellish circumstances which faced us. I achieved everything without and contrary to his judgemantslism, I’ve noted. I’m beginning to fight back and reflect on my wonderful adoptive parents the friends and families James and I have embraced along the way who are such support to us both now etc. when we need them most and because we’ve been there for them in turn. I’m a match for my Inner Critic, I realise now, and have a positive answer to break down every negative element with which he has tried to destroy my life. James and I are going to be alright DESPITE him!