The few moments between putting on the condom. I usually need a-lot of arousal. Thus, that time of putting on the condom can be difficult for me, and I get super in my head about it.
I have just been using sildenafil to give me confidence that I’ll have an erection at some point, but even with this the initial making out and transition to sex putting on a condom etc. just makes me soften and then its all downhill from there. “do you mind if we wait”, “I’m just a little hungry”, “tired after work” etc…
Thinking about it
When I lose sensation during inter course. I’m pumping and suddenly I can’t feel her because I’m not hard enough, large enough to feel friction, contact. It comes as a sudden, uh-oh, here we go again. As I lose sensation, I go soft, I go into panic about losing erection and I go limp completely.
When I drink or when I am with someone I want to perform with, it makes it more intense and there’s more pressure to perform.
Usually for me things go very well until the sex actually begins then I fear that I will come and I begin like spectorizing and it’s like I’m trying to use all my brain power not to cum not to lose my erection. And Like a bad dream I’m trying to use my will power instead of just letting things happen naturally . This section was super helpful about being more mindful and getting out of my head and just into the moment. Into my body.
If I don’t take a pill or start foreplay too early. I’ll get and think I’m good, but at the first sign of it softening, it’s over
The whole condom process for sure that breaks up the foreplay and how hard I had gotten initially.
My fight or flight gets triggered very early on in the process, especially with new partners. If it’s something spontaneous, putting on a condom kills it for me almost every time. And constantly beat myself up if I ever forget to take a pill.
My wife and I have been trying to conceive naturally for the past 5 years. Sex has more or less become a job and the anxiety I get from the pressures of trying to get pregnant kill my erection.
the fear of losing my erection fills me with anxiety to the point where I start to panic and I can’t think of anything else. Then when or if it does happen it’s like a total melt down and I feel like I could cry.
Penetration
My situations that make me anxious are planned sex, internal/external interruptions that disrupt the flow, and deciding to take lead in sex and worry about how to initiate.
Yes, me, too.
The negative self talk is so loud that even in masturbation, it kills the erection with feelings of worthlessness.
For me recently I’ve found I can get an erection during foreplay, hand jobs mostly, but when it goes further such as a blow job or she gets into a position to have sex with me, there’s this sort of moment where I panic and think please don’t lose the erection, and I think it is this moment of panic that ruins everything, my inner critic appears and tells me it’s not going to work, your not hard enough, your gonna get soft, so it is the moment when I realise I need to be able to have sex, I feel the pressure , and this pressure causes me to lose the erection
While my partner is masturbating or I’m otherwise pleasuring her. I think it gives me more time to think and I end up down a path of convincing myself I’m not going to get hard.
Changing sex positions usually makes me start to think about “okay I gotta stay hard for this next position” it then goes downhill from there.
Sex lately it’s weird I think I over stimulated my self to it now I don’t even know how to get an erection
Penetration