I just expect some sort of erection issue ti happen, no matter what. It starts with the thinking, during foreplay, that I won’t get hard. And if I do get hard then the negative though it that I will go soft soon or cum quickly. No matter what there is some negative though. It wasn’t always this way and even though I know that, I can’t break the habit
This is awful why am I completely dead down there, it’s so embarasssing.
I’m not dead down there, I’m just not relaxed and confident enough. I can totally get hard erections I just need to let go more.
It’s it that embarrassing, it happens, don’t make a ridiculous scene of it and concentrate on being close to her.
After some successful times, I recently attempted to have sex with s/o however when penetration began i started having negative thoughts and could feel my penis going softer which stressed me out. The negative thoughts I was mainly having was “what if it happens again and I cant maintain my erection” - I would say this falls under fortune teller category. you
Evidence for thoughts - It has happened before when i get anxious and nervous.
Evidence against - I have successfully had sex start to finish several times without getting a soft penis.
Alternative thought- Even though it happened this time, I think you were just rushing and not using the sensate exercises that were practiced, also you have been stressed and its not good to continue with sex if your stresssed. You can stay hard the whole time , I just need to practice relaxing and enjoy myself
My situation was I lost my erection during foreplay. I focused on breathing and eventually she was able to reach climax and I was fully erected again and we we able to have sex.
You
Couldn’t get hard enough to penetrate. Felt like shit because I feel like as a young guy with a beautiful girl it shouldn’t be a problem. Even started questioning my own attraction and started worrying about how she perceived me.
• I was hard during foreplay.
• This is a common problem for men like me and it’s fixable.
• She stayed with me and reassured me. She likes me for more than the sex.
I wrote three pages in my journal. I’m 39 and in my second relationship. Sexually and otherwise. My first ended in divorce after infidelity. I’m undoing all kinds of bad wiring - everything from navigating self-imposed perfectionism, erroneous beliefs imposed upon my by the church as a child, and dealing with exes in my new relationship. I’m learning that with tools like Mojo, I am not alone and with meditation, acceptance, self-forgiveness, practice and even medication, I will overcome my ED. I am free to love my new partner.
A while ago during foreplay (oral) I lost my erection.
Fight or flight response kicked in when I felt erection dwindling, making me panic.
Worried girlfriend will think something is wrong with me or that I don’t find her attractive.
I’ve had sex a lot with her so she wouldn’t think anything is wrong.
It has only happened a few times so not a big issue - relationship is far more than a few failed times.
I think like the situation is not going to change
The logical thought. I have been stressed. I am physically able to achieve erections eg during sleep
Ah shit this is happening again. Such importune timing, it was new year’s eve! What does this mean? Does this mean that I can’t get it up ever again?
Generalizing.
She didn’t make much of it. Just hugged me and fell asleep. I could get hard during foreplay and did. Condom was the pause and I need to figure that out.
It happened because I took less dosage than normal. It was less a permanent problem than a temporary one. And I can work to overcome it.
I think that just because I have been unable to get hard before, that it will happen every time and then worry about it. Particularly when transitioning from foreplay to sex and having to put on a condom.
I think “not again” and immediately get even softer. This spirals into thoughts like “now she won’t like me” and “I’m a loser”.
I am definitely over-generalizing, mind reading, and catastrophizing.
I have been able to get hard before, but it’s hasn’t been more often than it has. So it’s not like it can’t happen. I’ve found it hard to communicate these in the past, but I’m getting better. I’ve also had some bad partners that wouldn’t believe me when I told them it wasn’t a problem with them, then they just wouldn’t want to have sex with me at all and it just helped prove my mind reading. However, I’ve come to realize with a recent partner that is much more mature and understanding, that not all women are like that and I shouldn’t let those past women haunt me.
I know I can get by this with communication and the right partner. But i must also except that some women simply just won’t understand or will be unwilling to accept and help me… And that I can’t blame those past partners for not being willing to work with me.
Last time I tried to have sex I couldn’t get hard and I really wanted to as me and my partner weren’t going to see each other in person for a few weeks.
I thought why can’t I get hard? And I begged myself to get hard. There was definitely some all or nothing thinking here. It hasn’t happened every time so I have no evidence that it will happen again and it was the day after a bad shroom trip so that could definitely be a factor. I was most likely still experiencing negativity from the bad trip and therefore had a hard time getting it up.
My
My new fiancé is a couple of years older than me and I know through experience and through conversations that she is an extremely sexual person. This often gets me thinking that I MUST get an erection to keep her happy.
Foreplay is amazing, but when the time comes to actually get down to business sometimes it goes limp. Then I’m like oh crap this is it I’m done. Lately she’s been really understanding whenever this happens saying we can try again later and I think that’s helpful.
When things start slow, I start fortune telling that it won’t work this time. Then the categorical imperative sets in of “I’m healthy so I should be able to do this on command.”
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“I’ll never figure this out.” Fortune-telling: I don’t know what the future holds. I’ve had periods of my life with more satisfying sex and less satisfying sex. An alternative thought is, “My situation will change over time.”
Last time I met someone it was the peer pressure (he was the friend of a friend) that made me go into panic mode and put that “what if” thought in my head. After it it was just downhill from there. Can’t enjoy my sex partner because my brain is trying to battle all these negative thoughts that mainly tell me “you won’t get it up, and the word will spread”.
It’s ridiculous I know. I have no evidence that he would tell anyone, and even if he does, shouldn’t care so much about what others think. Fortune telling us a big problem because I just assume right away it won’t happen.
Funny enough, after a little while and making a few excuses, my dick miraculously got hard and it was all smooth sailing from then on. So the encounter had a happy ending, but I’m still frustrated that it had to be so bumpy at first because these awful thoughts ruined the excitement of anticipation, which is always a really cool part about sex
Last night I couldn’t get hard even after receiving oral from my girlfriend. I thought maybe I’ll never have an erection again. Maybe I’ll never get fully hard.
This makes no sense as surely I’ll have great sex with her again. I don’t need to over think it. I just need to enjoy time with her and continue that
- was hard for foreplay while clothes were on but as soon as she said to turn out the lights I panicked and went soft, wouldn’t take my clothes off and she said “you’re being very tame”
- I was extremely nervous because I really liked this girl and didn’t want to “mess it up”, but by not communicating at all, I actually made it worse than if I had just explained that I was struggling to get an erection, she was really nice and would’ve understood, but I didn’t even give her the chance because I was so embarrassed
- I can definitely get erections because I get them by myself and I get morning wood, so I don’t have to fear never being able to have sex, and sex doesn’t have to mean penatration