Ok
I Can reprogram that every time I have a new partner, I’ve had trouble getting it up. That’s not true up until very te toy thought. And I am learning and have gained tools and strategies to help me get out of my head. When I’m comfortable, erections are effortless.
I think I apply standards to myself that I wouldn’t to others. For example, saying that I should get hard whenever my partner wants to have sex. That’s not reasonable to assume for anyone, we’re all going to have times when we’re not feeling it. Or rejecting positive things because I don’t think they count or are being expressed honestly.
I was unable to get hard on my anniversary and had to pretend to go pee to grab a pill and even then only got semi erect .
I had been drinking and I just freaked out and activated my fight or flight . I am usually fine
I have come down with some sort of illness and have been having issues since
- I have been with my wife for 10 years an have had no issue having hour long sex every two days for the entirety of it . This illness isn’t forever .
Thought: I’m losing it again. I have a problem.
Truth: I often wake up with a hard on and get aroused easily for sex. I don’t have a dick problem. I have a mind problem. It’s in my head that stems from guilt and shame-based beliefs about normal sexual behavior. When let loose of those bonds, I am a stallion.
I’m focusing on not just reprogramming my negative thoughts around sex, but my relationship with my partner in general. I’m pushing past a mind set that I don’t deserve a girl like her. In the checking the facts, she chose me to be in a relationship with her.
I’m going to try to reprogram “I can’t get hard”
Get placed in the fight or flight mode during sex and get its semi then just dies straight away during penetration. I have had sex before with other partners so I guess it’s just my mind playing games on me and my penis is still functioning normally
The last time I was dating I had trouble keeping an erection with my girlfriend. When this happened I felt like less of a man, and I began to see myself as a small man. I was using emotional reasoning and allowing my feelings to define who I am as a person. Alternatively, I could have also focused on other factors in our relationship that were creating stress in my body, as well as focused on the ways I was showing up as a man in my life and in our relationship.
Honestly, I could repeat what so many other guys have shared here. My wife is beautiful, sexy, and affectionate, but sex has become so discouraging for me that I’m hesitant to initiate. But I’ve gotten hard in the past, and there’s no reason I can’t again.
At times I lose my erection or don’t get hard enough and feel like that’s the end and I can’t get past it.
Reality now is that I have strategies to continue pleasing my wife in other ways to allow myself time for things to harden up again enough for sex. Sometimes it’s not as hard as I want but it’s positive that we can have sex.
my thinking was the main cause of losing erections
As always with my long term partner I get nervous almost immediately when there is a build up to sex. I feel like it’s an exam I’m about to take and worry about failing. I can feel myself going into fight or flight mode. I’m worried that I will disappoint her again and she will feel unattractive. I concentrate on pleasing her first so at least she gets some enjoyment, but I’m spectating myself the whole time instead of being in the moment.
Facts - I love and am attracted to her. I can get hard and have been hard many times. We have great sex when it goes right. I have used medication some of the time, but I have had good sex without also. She enjoys me and loves our sex.
- I’m not going to get hard so why bother.
It hasn’t always been like that. Sometimes you got hard and were able to have sex. - I don’t really want to have sex.
So then don’t. Maybe wait a little longer until you feel more comfortable. - I jerked off last night so I won’t be able to get hard.
That has never been related in your case.
-I can’t get hard because I’m too in my head.
-I’ve gotten hard before and I was hard for part of the hook up.
-I wasn’t able to stay hard because he was sick so we couldn’t make out. I just needed the additional stimulation and connection of kissing to move into the more sexually aroused vibe.
Hate the way my body starts to shut down as the negative thoughts come up…don’t even try tonight as you’ll only disappoint my wife who will think I don’t fancy her anymore. Need to challenge those negative thoughts…my wife is so supportive and is only concerned about my enjoyment (or lack of)
I couldn’t get hard once, therefore I’ll never get hard again or ever be able to satisfy someone.
-When we go to a swingers club my penis does not get an erection and remains flaccid even though i took a pill
-When we got home though I had no issue with an erection
-It seems to happen when around other people other than my partner I get nervous
I live every day with the anxiety of losing my erection. This has become all-consuming and has made me ignore the other aspects of affection I can give my wife. I just want to make her happy and for myself to feel normal.
I have to reframe my mindset that I don’t have to always have a boner to make her feel desired.
I commonly over generalize the issue, which leads to more negative thoughts. I’m focusing on not thinking about it at all and if I find myself thinking about it countering those thoughts with positive experiences I’ve had.