My negative thought was that, I was ruining my chances of this becoming a regular thing if I cant fuck him.
But the evidence is, we have fun together, he asked to see me again, he says he likes to spend time together, he tells me how into me he is, and he is able to finish and says he had a great time without anal.
My reframe of the experience is, by continuing to build our relationship on factors separate from sex, the sex will continue to get more satisfying as a result of our connection.
I tend tend to do a lot of mind reading. I can do a better job of analyzing the facts before just assuming ny partner feels or thinks a certain way.
It’s often not me with the negative thoughts, but rather my partner. I understand it won’t always be perfect, but she expects it to be.
I think every moment of every day about my erectile function and how I always have to prove to myself everything is working fine, which leads me to bad habits I’m trying to fix and further doubt in my abilities. I dread sex even though I love it. I need to remember that it’s all in my head, as none of the tests I’ve taken to prove it’s physical support that it is. I just have to ride the lows and change my way of thinking. It is all in my head and it always has been.
“We didn’t have sex for a few days and I need to keep up the tempo [using pills]. I’m terrified I won’t be able to get it up again and that our relationship will end”
When it was happened before, my girlfriend didn’t leave me and offered to support me no matter what. She said she would date me even if I didn’t have genitals.
“My girlfriend will dump me if I don’t perform every day.”
Last time I lost my erection my girlfriend was very understanding and reassured me that I shouldn’t feel under pressure to perform and that she enjoys everything we do in bed.
I think what’s missing for me is perhaps having a discussion with your partner so they understand what’s going on. This is why I’m for making an emotional connection with someone first and not just hooking up. Hookups create anxiety and stress for me. I often feel shitty afterwards. Being up front with someone you have an emotional connection with may relieve some of the anxiety or stress. There are other ways to please your partner without penetration.
I can reprogram my thoughts that this is a massive problem that will keep happening. I know why it’s happening, I’m learning how to deal with it and isn’t uncommon or unreasonable as it happens to everyone someone’s. I just need to learn to tell myself to relax and enjoy the moment and the rest will take place
I always have to get hard right away
With mw its like i have really good hard erections all the time but once in like a month for 1-2 days my dick isnt on its a game i get ed and cant get hard but the thing that is giving me confidence is the fact that i know i get hard a lot but its just sometimes
Thought: I’m going to disappoint my wife because I’ll get soft again. She won’t be satisfied and will be upset with me for not overcoming this issue. This will make our relationship tense.
Reprogramming: I have satisfied my wife many times, and she enjoys being intimate - even if it’s not penetration. She enjoys my body and I can pleasure her in other ways. We will be okay no matter what.
I think to much about the size of my dick so makes sense that I get distracted
One thought I can reprogram today is I don’t have full evidence that I’m fully ill to the point where I can’t get hard. Not sure which of the thoughts I can reprogram or which ones should I reprogram first but the one I want to reprogram for sure is the fortune telling, that it’s going to keep happening without further evidence.
I’m
I just want to please my partner but I’ve taught myself to doubt and hate my body as though I’m not in control of it. Time to change that 
I feel a lot of performance pressure even though my partner has always stated that she enjoy what I do to her. She probably means it and I am discounting her opinions because I don’t want to believe it. There have been times where I haven’t had any erection issues and my erection has also surprised me. The times that it hasn’t has probably got to do with my tiredness, the amount of alcohol I had and how I wanted to get it up instantly. I can definitely improve on all of these.
I tried to penetrate my new partner but I couldn’t. So I tried to hide it, and I was stressed because I thought I was exposing myself and embarrassing myself. I couldn’t ever have penetrative sex before.
This was catastrophizing and mind reading. In reality we weren’t fully ready for sex, she was comfortable with foreplay for the first time. She wasn’t disappointed with how far we got.
- I thought to myself “I won’t be able to get hard with my girlfriend later tonight”
Lo and behold, I was right. No erection when I tried to have sex. - when I’m all alone, if I think about past sexual experiences, I can get very hard. Without even touching myself.
- it stands to reason, that If can get hard by myself I should be able to do the same thing with a partner. I just have to rid my mind of these negative thoughts.
I always feel like she will look at me as a failure and start to drift away.
- I had an erection before sex, and during I lost it
- before I was in the moment really enjoying it, then the doubt crept in
- I satisfied her a couple of times in other ways and I did have one before I got in my own way
- I know I can and will be able to maintain and finish us both off
- During sex I lost my erection, it felt horrible knowing I was going soft on her again, I knew as soon as I started thinking about it it would happen
- before we had sex we had amazing foreplay and I was rock hard
- I know that if I can just break the loop I can maintain
- I still left her very satisfied in other ways
- the next morning I went soft again during cause I got stuck in the thoughts for a second, but once I shook out of it I got hard again, weirdly I couldn’t cum because I kept thinking I’m not gonna cum, even though I was rock hard, the self doubt thoughts are the whole problem