Just assuming many days before that I will lose my erection just because it has happened in the past.
Im fortune telling.
But I have had first expériences with girls where I am rock hard and fine.
That since I have had performance anxiety before I will always have trouble with it
Losing an erection means I’ll always lose an erection…
All or nothing if I’m not the best I’m the worst. I can’t get hard without effort and by then I’m pretty much done and she is unsatisfied. She will look elsewhere.
Facts:
I just need to connect and be present, being good is irrelevant at this point, just something would be good.
We have been together a long time and she is patient and the rest of our life is good.
I get worried when it surrounds the idea of penetration. Otherwise I’m okay with non penetration but when it’s time I sometimes
get worried it will happen again.
Not believing my head when she says she is satisfied.
I cannot get erections during sex. I know this isnt true because I have had many times getting erections. I know I can reframe this to understand sexual encounters can be stressful for me, in part because of insecurity. I know that this isnt permanent of physical. This issue is mental. I know I can overcome this performance anxiety.
I met someone in a bar on a night out. Went back to hers. I had just got off a long flight and had been drinking all day so it wouldn’t have been a surprise if I couldn’t get it up but in had been fortune telling in the run up to going back to hers. I’d hoped to see her again before I came back but she refused. I my mind this was because of the lack of performance but in reality it could have been that she was busy or just embarrassed. Given that I have no evidence I should not over think her reaction.
And most of all it was great fun when I relaxed despite not finishing.
I had a discussion with my partner about these thoughts and she was kind enough and understanding enough to help me through them
Last time we had sex i came very quickly because i was nervous due to ED. i felt bad afterwards because i had to leave for work and we couldn‘t continue so she could have an orgasm, too. I thought she hid her negative emotiona from me. turns out she wasn‘t thinking anything bad that night!
My issue is that I am caught in a loop where I don’t even want to try. It’s been going on so long that I don’t think it will ever work again. I want to please my partner but I just assume “I’m not getting hard tonight so why bother.” I get worked up (horny), then say to myself, I’ll make my move on her this morning when we wake up, then I chicken out and think, I’ll make my move mid day when we are in between activities for the day, then I chicken out again and think, ok, tonight when we go to bed. Then I chicken out again and I fall asleep angry with myself. Then I start the process over again. Every weekend it’s the same. I’m afraid she will yell at me. Or just be disappointed yet again. Sometimes I really hate myself. Today is one of those days.
I usually ask myself why I can’t do this? Why can’t I have sex like a normal person? How can I reprogram these thoughts?
My thought was; I can’t believe I am not getting hard right now. I am kissing him and we really connect emotionally I find him really attractive and I have been daydreaming about this moment. Why can’t I just be hard?
Reframed thought: it makes sense my body if feeling a little stressed when this is the first time in a while that you are connecting with someone sexually and emotionally at the same time. As well as it makes sense that you are a little anxious about this because this dude has been out for years and you just came out and some performance fear is understandable in your case. It’s just temporary, give time and feel how good his kissing makes you feel.
I can reframe the thought that my partner will never want to have sex with me again and that I have ruined the relationship. A healthy happy relationship is build on many things, not just sex. It’s time to focus on all of the other positive things a relationship brings to my life
Thought: someone else can probably pleasure my girlfriend better
Fact: she is still together with me and she says she thinks sex is not the most important thing about a relationship
We’re trying for a baby. The last time we had sex I tried so hard to cum I lost my erection. I felt as though I would now be the cause of us not conceiving.
I need to challenge this sort of thinking to realise that that week we’d done it perfectly 3 times. I also need to realise if I don’t cum when I expect I.e. early in the act it doesn’t mean I won’t.
My issue was more about shutting down my libido to lessen the chance of sex. Now I want to turn that back on.
My first time in a swingers club, I couldn’t get hard once I saw how many people were watching us. I have since been convinced that I am simply not meant for this, or that I wouldn’t ever be seen as a potential partner for swapping by any other couple
It is definitely a self fulfilling prophecy it’s all I think about during foreplay so I then can’t do it where as if I just relaxed and enjoyed it I’d have no problem
“I can’t believe I didn’t get hard when my wife was fondling me. I even took a pill!”
This becomes “I suppose that outcome was to be expected. I was jittery and nervous all morning and my stomach was jumpy. Also I took half a pill and by the time we tried to have sex it probably wore off.”