Last time I had sex I was hard through the foreplay, but as soon as it came time to put the condom on everything went wrong, and was unable to recover. It had been a while since I had been with anyone so was nervous to begin with and was really stuck in my head about trying to please her and if I was performing. When it happened she was very kind and understanding, and gave me no evidence that she was severely disappointed, and was very supportive in the moment. E have also continued to see each other since. In reality, since it was my first time in a while I was nervous to begin with and probably hit to much pressure on myself worrying about what she wanted instead of my own joy.
I have recently not been able to cum during sex, so I do some fortune tellling that I probably won’t be able to this time.
The fact is that I usually could cum during sex and most certainly with masturbation. So there is no reason why I won’t come this time.
I have recently been working with a new partner. They have more experience than I do and I worry about disappointing them. I have already discussed my sexual issues with them (they also suffer from anxiety and several other psychological issues, so maladaptive habits of thought are nothing new to them), but I still feel nearly certain that my erections will continue to be an issue.
The most self-defeating thought is that ‘I will recover from this issue eventually – but it can’t be tonight’. Whenever I’m in bed with them (we’ve engaged in some other intimate play but haven’t had sex yet), I’m often ‘spectatoring’: a voice in my mind is telling me ‘yes, this issue can be overcome, but in the meantime you still have it’. Of course, it is that negative thought itself which is preventing me from overcoming the problem. So, today I will tell myself that it can happen right now: I can focus on pleasurable sensations right now, I can relax into the moment, and I can be happy with my partner regardless of what happens.
Last night I didn’t get as hard as I would have liked to, and the erection fluctuated throughout sex. I felt out of the moment, in my head instead of enjoying the experience. I assumed that the sex was less pleasurable for her as well. This would be mind reading.
Im not sure about her experience, she seemed to like it and said she did, so I have no evidence she didn’t enjoy the sex.
This happens with certain girls, not others.
Negative thoughts - I should be hard right now, why aren’t I hard yet.
Facts - I love my girlfriend and we have had sex many times. I only need to relax enjoy the intimacy.
If I don’t perform for her she’ll lose her attraction for me. —I know she likes me for everything else I bring to the table.
I’ve always struggled with intimacy of any kind as a survivor of childhood sexual abuse.
My fiancé left me because we stopped having sex due to my anxiety and not wanting to initiate in case I failed. I was struggling with my experiences and felt like I didn’t deserve pleasure. I am now dating new people and I have been losing my erections frequently, sometimes my penis doesn’t even move at all when getting a blowjob. I feel awful and that she thinks I find her unattractive, she’ll dip out because I’m damaged and broken.
- What happened to me wasn’t my fault. When I’m comfortable and relaxed my erections are rock hard. I’ve had mind blowing, great sex in the past, lasting hours, there is no reason to think that can’t happen again. I always please my partner with my hands or oral when I can’t get it up and she really enjoys herself a lot because I’m good at it. Sex is more than penetration.
Right as we began to have sex I pulled myself out of the enjoyment by thinking and focusing on staying hard because it happened last time. Then I kept thinking am I hard enough, will she notice, and I bet she’ll be disappointed. She’ll probably think I’m pathetic or less of a man.
My negative thoughts fall into four categories,
Fortune telling, mind reading, discount the positive, and over generalization.
Just because it happened a couple times doesn’t mean it’ll happen again it worked 8/10 times but you only think of the few times it didn’t.
I had no evidence of her thinking I’m pathetic also every time it happened she would be cool with just hanging out watching the tv or chatting. She didn’t make it a big deal I made it a huge deal in my own head which made the situation worse by making myself overthink it. She was fine she even complimented me after some of our previous sessions which I didn’t believe her when she said those things.
That I’m not going to cum.
Last time she went down on me I couldn’t maintain an erection and she couldn’t even get me off. I would tell myself you’ve got to get erecrion, she’s going down on you. How would that make her feel if she can’t get me erect by going down on me. It hasn’t happened every time, she’s made me ejaculate from it in the past. Stop putting so much pressure on myself
Last time we had sex I lost my erection while she was giving me a BJ.
She obviously noticed and pulled away. I tried to jerk off to save the moment but gave up.
It was frustrating for both of us. Every time I can’t get it up she thinks I’ve been watching porn.
Sometimes I have been watching porn but this last time I hadn’t watched porn in about 6 weeks
We haven’t had sex in awhile. She hasn’t been horny. Been busy with our baby
Seems like not doing it for awhile sets the stage of anticipation
I need to insert as soon as my dicks hard enough to otherwise I’ll risk losing an erection.
Reprogram to- I’ve had sex and never lost the erection every time I’ve taken my time and enjoyed the process. It’s not enjoyable to rush. Take your time your dick will not go down.
Ive never had a real sexual experience where I got and stayed hard. I’ve had 3 sexual encounters. Each time I was either stressed or under the influence of alcohol. I thought to myself that this will always be the case(overgeneralization) which there is no real evidence to support that. I always think that a man should be able to get it up when my partner wants to have sex (categorical imperative) but i need to tell myself that isn’t true and I shouldn’t live with expectations like that.
During a recent time having sex with my wife, I lost my erection during foreplay. I was inside my head too much saying I wouldn’t be able to keep it hard. It made me feel like a failure and I feel like I should be able to get it up whenever called upon.
I need to be more more understanding and cut myself some slack. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing and it’s unreasonable to think I’m going to be able to always perform.
I gotta get hard and stay hard to please my wife, or she will find another hard dick.
- my wife is committed to me and I have brought her to orgasm hundreds of times before, with and without being hard.
- I will get hard plenty of times in the future, and if I don’t my wife will understand.
I have done it and done it twice in a day on many times in the last year, so a one off doesnt mean it will happen again
If I don’t have an erection during foreplay then I assume it will be difficult to gain and maintain an erection for penetration.
If I don’t have or keep my erection the sex will not be good for me or my wife. I can change this negative thinking into “I can enjoy sex whether I have an erection or not and if I make it fun for me my wife will enjoy it”
I let down my partner and we were both disappointed
I should always be able to get immediately hard for my partner when we are involved in arousing situations, instead of gradually allowing myself to be aroused more & more