My wife was supportive, if a but confused as to what she could do. Sheās not a big communicator, but she has been trying to improve and it has yielded noticable improvements to our sex life.
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My wife has been tolerating me for years with erectile disfunction, and I think I can draw parallels with feeling so panicked and beating myself up about it I donāt listen and comprehend her comforting words, and Iām to busy listening to the devil on my shoulder. Through understanding this, I feel clearer in what I need to do to resolve my issues
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they said focus on breathing, feel safe
I told an escort once. She said its cool and to calm down.
Yeah recently. Better than expected but I still feel it may have damaged the relationship
The irony is every person I have told has been very supportive. When I was at school and even now, the fear has been whether she would tell anyone else and I would be ashamed but it has never happened.
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Comforting
I have been in a committed relationship for the last 5 years that has been less then healthy for me. After about 3 months of dating a realized she struggled severely with personality disorders and she was NOT seeking treatment. She was verbally and physically abusive and very controlling. Worst of all, I allowed it. About a year and half ago we were getting into the shower to get cleaned up which usually resulted in some kind of sexual act. I realized that i wasnāt hard at all like I usually was at this point. I still Masterbated at this point quite frequently though I didnāt necessarily watch porn instead getting by on a combination of tik tok and nude selfies people shared on the internet. Anyways, I was eventually able to get it up but that situation stuck with me, scaring me with the fear that I may not always be able to get an erection when I wanted one. It happened again about 6 months later this time more severly. I was only barely able to perform. Our relationship eventually came to a turmoltious point where I was being daily verbally and physically abused. Slapping, putting me down, telling me my family is horrible all the usually crap. I would eventually marry this women and long story short the erection issue rose up again. These times resulting in paralytic like fear of sexual intimacy to the point of not even getting sexual turned on at all. My mind simply creates a disassociative state when it comes to sex and I barely get an erection like a 7 or 8 out of 10. This is starting to seriously affect my mental health to the point where I canāt concentrate or think of anything else. I am literally obsessed with my erection state. Last week I didnāt have this problem, I would get erection just fine and then suddenly I would remember the difficulty and then not get one at all even sometimes waking in the middle of the night terrified that I am not waking up with an erection! This has been a complete and total night mare. One week I am fine and the next I am having a hard time.
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Iāve had mixed reactions ranging from total rejection to tolerant understanding.
I have spoken about my issues with a partner and a family member. Both of them were very understanding. My partner told me there is no rush and we can work through it in time, which was very comforting. My family member told me that their spouse had similar issues and to know that it is very common and treatable. Having those conversations and not just keeping it bottled up was very helpful.
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Ive had similar issues with a certain position. When she is on top and not using an up and down motion but rather a (forward and back motion) I have struggled to maintain an erection. I think that was where my whole issue started. After that the self doubt started nd it was a downward spiral from there.
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Yes, they supported me and tried to help me.
Thatās crazy I tried a position where my gf was on top facing away as I sat in a chairā¦I remember spacing out thinking this could be harmful for my penis and I had always secretly feared damage to my penis before trying vaginal sex with my gf the first time. I wanted to get rid of my fear and try new pleasurable positions but I think it ended up making me really anxious (I was having penis sensation issues for a while where I donāt feel as much pleasurable sensation when totally erect but some when partially erect or close to fully hard). Since then after having sex Iāve had ED issues (mostly softer erections, looser towards the base, and reduced arousal). I feel like we have a very similar situation. Did you get evaluated by your doctor or urologist? Mine examined me and said there was no damage to my penis and that it was all stress related. I mostly believe him but sometimes worry over physical causes. If they also told you no damage was there then maybe both our issues are psychological?
Can I ask what she did that has helped? Iām hoping thereās certain things my partner may be able to do in the future if I struggle to get it up.
Yes on two occasions. First occasion did not go well at all. My girlfriend at the time completely emasculated me and was not supportive at all. Basically told me itās my problem and she is going to sleep around if I didnāt fix it. Second occasion was with my current GF and she was a little more understanding (after i brought it up in conversation). However, I could feel the contempt and anger from her. She refused to touch me afterwards. I now know that I should have been more upfront that it may have been a possibility that I wonāt get it up.
Nope
No, I havenāt. Never thought of it as that until now.
They were being quite supportive which is appreciated
Iāve been too scared to speak up about the issues I have. Iād like to be more open about it.
Yes, my male friends. āthat sucks broā is all I get, but what else do I expect from them? Haha