Getting the wife interested again…

My wife and I hit rock bottom on this issue back in January. It was the “I’ve been holding this in for years” speech. She had warned me before, but I didn’t take it seriously because I thought it worked well enough.

This time I finally listened.

I’ve been working out everyday since. Cleaned up my diet. I’ve been meditating, and taking my vitamins. I subscribed to this app. I even do red light therapy.

My wife and I still tell each other we love each other all of the time. She is very proud of my changes, but I can tell she is still avoiding intimacy. I think I will be more successful, but I haven’t been battle tested. It’s been eight weeks since the blowup.

I’ve resorted to some old dating game tricks to some success, but not all the way where she gives me the very clear signals that she used to.

What have you married fellas done to reintroduce yourself to your wife that has worked?


I’m admittedly not the best communicator and my wife reminds me at times in a healthy way and that communication makes a big difference, if there is something you do that’s a daily task to help her, let her know even if it’s small and provide some context behind it. Another thing that (in my case at least) that she appreciates is letters/notes that range from encouragement to complimentary, I know everyone is different but it it’s built a lot of connection in my case

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Go with baby steps. Dont try to fuck right away; see this as an arousal training/experience. Get back to kissing, massages, mutual masturbation, etc

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Not married, but I’ve been in a similar situation in a 7 year relationship and it ended up not working out because I was no longer interested her physically. So I guess you could equate my position to your wife’s.

My girlfriend at the time had gained a lot of weight and had become less attractive to me. I just didn’t feel like initiating, and because of my untreated anxiety about sex (ED) at the time any time she initiated would usually end up in failure.

Altogether, that sucked, because we loved each other so much.

Then she started working out, lost a lot of weight and developed a body type that I was absolutely horny for in porn. But I still did not want to have sex with her.

Retroactively, I can say with certainty that the only way for us to be intimidate again would have been to lower the stakes and build up slowly again. Start with intimacy, just touching, and doing whatever we did feel like, instead of directly focusing on penetrative sex.

What I’m trying to say is that while working on your body is great and can only lead to more positive outcomes, it will likely also take action and awareness from both of you to build up that intimate relationship again.

I’m also picking up that your wife has some anxiety or other block when it comes to sex. It may be helpful for her to explore that as well.

All the best. I hope you can make it work together :+1:

I am having the same issue right now. We had a huge discussion yesterday because she saw some evidence I have watched porn last month and I feel we are at rock bottom.

I just started last month a diet that is showing some small results, started going out of the apartment again (I work from home) and started using Moio this week.
Even though we had a huge fight yesterday, and are 6 weeks without completing sex (as I am having issues to stay hard), I feel that we can change this situation in a few weeks or days.

My goal will be to “start again” try to remember how it was when we started dating, the things we did, the time we spent together, the passion. Of course I won’t go directly for the sex over the next days, unless she shows me she wants. But the idea is to start slow, and hope it grows on her again male her be horny for me and my body again.

I don’t go straight in I rub her back massage her butt cheeks suck her titties and tastes her pussy but I basically take my time

Me and My partner began sharing notes on our iPhones to use as like a journal so to speak. Like if there is something we want to try or do then we add it to the journal as a shared space for us to communicate without necessarily having to talk about it or bring it up at a specific time. Just something for each other to use to be able to understand wants or needs

Taken it slow.

I’m not married but I am in a long term relationship and honestly the key for me, and I know how cliche it sounds, was communication. Not just communication in general but if we are doing foreplay and I begin to feel a bit nervous or if we are having sex and I feel nervous, just asking her to “give me a minute” or so in a cute, jokey kind of way and then we can cuddle up and focus on the senses and then before I know it I am rock solid again and ready to go. I can honestly admit that most of the time the anxiety doesn’t even happen by the mere fact that I know I can communicate it in a caring and non-mood killing way. There’s no rush to cum, it’s about the journey not the destination and if worst comes to worst I can always pleasure her.

Dude this is 1:1 my situation! I started exercising, losing weight, eating healthy.
I’m telling her every day my progress and it makes her happy. So I followed with giving her more compliments.
Then I have started asking her what does she want in bed, where to touch her, how to… We have killed the barriers and we started enjoying ourselves like 9yrs ago.
Yesterday she has shown me her picture she made so I asked her to give it to me and today I told her how great she looks there and that it got me aroused like when we were flirting.
And even though she is not cuddling person and all she started a little.

So my advice? Don’t just talk about things, but do things and talk about them at the same time. Then speak about what went on but only in positives… Say what was good and what helps you…

Im becoming better each day like this

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I think it’s important to lean into non sexual intimacy first. Set a foundation of loving touch and affection try to really enjoy each other without any pressure or expectation of sex. Once you’re both feeling like there’s more consistent “loving on each other” it may help open up the channels to more sexual intimacy after

Honestly get her sex hormones check. My wife is on trt and now she’s wanting sex every day, and if I want sex I can give her a clitoral erection just by talking about what I’m about to do to her (and probably fail due to anxiety lol). She’s 44 and functions better than she did when she was 24 when I met her. Only bad side effect is acne.

Introduce “simmering”. It’s game changing.

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Literally depressed af right now, everything other than my fucking sex drive works, first day here so going to give it the best effort and pray for a change in behaviour

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Just be a man and chase her hard. Showing your wife you are interested in her will force the issue either way. Romance her, kiss her and slowly up the intimacy send her texts during the day telling her what you want to do to her. Tell you miss her and you are having her back. Enjoy the ride. Playing safe will get you divorced.

My wife and I were not intimate for a long time (years), I think we blamed it on having children, pressure of work, getting older etc. We hugged and loved each other but I was drinking too much and this was the cause of the much of the rows.
My wife always did Pilates and I never took it seriously. Then we went on a family holiday where my eldest daughter signed us all up for 2 Pilates classes which we all did, me as a bit of a joke, but I found it really interesting both the stretches and the “zen” aspect.
When we returned I asked my wife if I could join her Pilates class which she was very happy about. Then over the months I started to cut down my drinking I noticed I felt sexy and had sexy thoughts, this must be the Pilates (all about the pelvic floor and core) I thought about women and having sex a lot. I signed up to Mojo at this point and I started to flirt with my wife, once she went out with her friends and was a bit tipsy and we had a really good snog in bed. The flirting etc went on and on and by the time we were going on our Summer holiday we could not keep our hands off each other and luckily we had a room with a lock separate to the children and we got down to it, she wore sexy underwear I bought her as a holiday present (she likes presents).
Since then our relationship has improved no end and we are always trying to find ways to have sex when our children are out, which can be tricky but it is worth it. I feel so lucky.
I would say, find time to do activities together and build it up over time, it may take months to change but if you love each other I am sure it will work out.


I’m just tired of disappointing and seemingly hurting her emotions. It’s my first day here and I have no idea what else to do so I’m here. I’m hoping it works out because I love her deeply. The irregular sex I have hasn’t been selfish for the longest, meaning I have sex for her and feel more relief when it’s over that it happened at all and she got what she wants. I hope to get back to that primal selfish sex where I do it for me too sometimes and really just become immersed in it. That is my goal.

I suggested a time slot each week where we come together to play, it gives us anticipation, and ensures we have the time to make sure it’s not rushed. Also, taking time to pleasure each other rather than trying to do both simultaneously is helpful

You have to make more money and be able to get erect on demand. Both require discipline to achieve. Ensure a lady can tell you are a man of discipline when speaking with her.

My ex told me she noticed a lack of firmness in my erections for awhile. We then divorced and it’s been awhile. I’ve had sex a few times but overall it hangs over my head as a deterrent to moving forward in relationships.