Dealing with setbacks

What do you guys do when you have a setback?
I was doing well and gaining confidence, had sex a couple times, then in the last two weeks it’s happened again - once when my gf tried to give a BJ, and once on a beautiful chilled day when I put the condom on the wrong way and panicked…
Now I feel I’m almost back at square one: has anyone else had setbacks? What did you do to get back on track?
Thanks so much for any advice :slight_smile:

Just had a huge setback this weekend, not sure how to deal with it so I am definitely interested in answers from others

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I can only relate. Having had a setback in the last few days, I have managed to turn my head around again and feels more focused towards the positive again.

We are all human and set backs happen in life. Talking about them is the best part. We are not alone and we got this :muscle:.

I started this program a few months ago. Got to the mind reprogram exercise and kinda hit a wall. Fortunately, I had already realized “it’s all in my head”, which fits my character of overthinking everything. So, I’ve been working to be mentally healthy, and hoping to get more physically healthy. I say hoping cause the reduction in coffee, alcohol, and crap food isn’t happening too well.
Anyway, I had a couple instances of real lousy sex. Like, went totally limp and essentially rubbed my head on her clit. We both came (which was really odd, but hey).
I felt pretty demoralized, but decided NOT to focus on it. Let it go… I was tired and it was the end of the day and late. I’ve told my wife we need to have daytime sex, where I’m not so worn out and more into the activity vs. ready to sleep. I’d actually forgotten about the last limpfest until now, trying to think if I had a had a setback.
So, yeah, I had a night where things went off track- that happens on all sorts of activities and efforts, but it doesn’t mean that’s the norm. That is the positive thought I went with. I am still working on this issue, for sure, but I’m doing a lot better than I have in a while. Things are looking, and staying, up… at least much more often than before.

The week before last, I had such great sex with my partner, and then a few days later that week we got each other off without intercourse and it was so awesome, I was rock hard and loving it! We then jumped in the shower all relaxed and fuzzy and simply enjoyed each other’s company.

However last week we tried once and I couldn’t find my condom, which, lo and behold, made me limp and tucked away real quick, no sex, back to square one.

I’m trying to pinpoint why it happened 2 weeks ago and not last week. I feel like maybe I was more connected to my body and the accompanying sensations, rather than wrapped up in my head. So maybe get back to your mindfulness and start to get back into your body again?

Also, do something to feel good about yourself, go to the gym/go for a run, get the heart rate up, sweat, flood your body with endorphins, tick stuff off in the day!

Hey funny because something similar happened to me - beautiful time on a sunny Sunday afternoon, not a care in the world, then suddenly when “the moment” came, I put the condom on the wrong way and suddenly went into a spiral. I was even laughing as I couldn’t believe it had happened, but my heart beat was almost like a panic attack.

Then a couple days ago we were getting it on and the same element of doubt crept in at a crucial moment, but my GF handled it wonderfully and put her hand on my heart and said 'ssssh" to calm me again - an understanding partner is crucial. But I also realized how important presence is, and will dive again into the meditations.

Side note: I also started taking Maca supplements last week but I don’t know if this was just a coincidence…

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How do you guys manage to deal with the mind side of things. I seem to find myself thinking will I get hard or not before sex…. This usually ends up with me not getting an errection. Then it becomes a reoccurring progress. Any help would be massively appreciated

that’s classic ‘performance anxiety’ - there are really good meditations on this topic on Mojo :slight_smile:
It also helped me recently to see my problem as a form of a panic attack, because that’s exactly it - a physical manifestation of a psychological problem, with all the same symptoms of racing heart etc.

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I can relate with the supplement taking, I also started taking a male mojo aphrodisiac that week in which everything worked for me. I too am wondering if the supps were a temporary boost or if it was a coincidence, though in that same week I made more of a conscious effort of going back to the gym, exercising, meal prepping and feeling good about myself so not really sure on that front. Also, could perhaps have been a placebo?

Is it a good idea to use ED medication while in the process of treating the ED through mojo?

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It depends on what your issue is, whether you’re aroused in the first place or not, what you’re battling internally. ED medications won’t work unless you’re aroused and feel like sex. If you have great sex drive and find that you just need a helping hand to keep your erection once it’s coming up, then ED meds should do the trick for you that session. My GP said usually when he prescribes an ED med he finds that his patients get their confidence back and end up not needing one again, though I find it’s a very temporary solution.

If you have anxieties around sex in general, pre sex/during sex etc, it is much more beneficial to treat the anxiety as ED meds will not do this for you, in fact you will probably find that if you try an ED med with anxiety it will have nil effect and leave you more anxious.

Personally I’d give it a go once to see how well you respond to it i.e. your psyche and confidence but otherwise in my opinion if your problem is psychological, stear clear.

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Does this community ever share ideas on what helps / works?? It’s great I guess to see others share their stories, but I am more for solutions. This community section is seriously lacking if it’s just us venting to each other.

Hi everyone, I’m 29 and have only recently popped my cherry. I’ve gained a lot of confidence during sex which is great but I’m completely unable to climax. Only by masturbating. I had erection issues due to confidence levels for all of my 20s so not getting hard at all or going limp had been huge setbacks but due to my current relationship, I’m doing great in the sex department. My only issue is the climax. Is there anyone who’s been dealing with a similar issue and what have you done to make things better?

Congratualtions, you may have a shortcut to tantric mastery! I mean that have in jest of course, but it’s important for every man to separate the idea of ‘climax’ from ‘ejaculation’. In tantra, the idea is to climax/orgasm without ejaculation, to retain your vital energies. If you can already enjoy sex without ejaculating, then good for you. And even if you tell yourself this, perhaps it’ll conversely happen anyway by taking the pressure off.

BTW, for more on tantric approaches I really really recommend “Tantric Sex for Men: Making Love a Meditation” by Diana Richardson and Michael Richardson, an eye opener in so many ways (even addresses performance anxiety and ED, saying that it’s a little-known fact that most men carry around a low level performance anxiety around with them every day).


Yes, it happened to me as well… had issues than OMG, we had a 4day-12run holiday and it was awesome. She had more than one orgasms per sex, i didnt have the issue or maybe 1-2x but didnt care… and i was like woooooooww it was really good and my issue is gone
But no… we separated for 3-days and when I wenr to her apartment I felt the pressure and this whole nightmare started again… i was in deep again… okay I kindly got out from the “deep” but still, i feel im not in the right place again…

In my case I feel like I lose confidence with time… my gf lives in a city 2 hours away and we usually see each other every 2nd week for the whole weekend or sometimes longer and what happens is that the first day I will be so worried about performance that I will probably either not enjoy sex and go soft during or I won’t be able to penetrate as I’m not hard enough… but usually if I’m able to come my stress goes out the window and everything improves with the passing days… but then she leaves home (or I) and as the day passes my libido is changed for stress performance and back to zero…

What do I do? I first accept that this is not new, I remember of the many times that I have said “I won’t be able to hace sex” and then did and feel more relaxed and self confident… it’s all in our heads man!!! (Literally both heads hahahaha)

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I’m 18 and I suffer. I could get an erection on seconds when I ever I wanted, I loved it I never had to worry about it not going up as it would go up just with eye contact. One day I was with a girl and I done a sexual act that I really didn’t like which caused me to loose my erection. Loosing my erection caused me to panic which only made things worse, that was over 10 months ago and I still haven’t got better. This all started with a sexual act where 10 seconds before I was hard and then instantly not. This is my first day on the app so I hope it can get better

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I’ve only been doing mojo for two days but today was the worst episode ever. I feel more in my head than ever. My dick just remained totally flaccid while I tried breathing exercises and relaxing. I know I can’t expect to solve this issue in two days, but I feel like I’ve gone backwards and am worse now and more in my head.

Hey guys, so I have been mastrubating once a week watching porn for close to a couple of years. I recently tried having sex for the first time with a girl I’ve been dating for the last 3 months. I was highly aroused when we started kissing but then I would pre-cum and my erection would go away. My partner being understanding let it go. But I have been thinking about it ever since. I also tried another time and this time I took some time and was able to get erect but as soon as I would feel her had touch my penis, I would again loose my hard on. I’m 25 years old and am pretty bummed at this point and don’t know what to do.

First day on the app for me, makes me feel less alone hearing others share their stories, thanks all. I’m very fulfilled in all aspects of life but sex, and honestly brings me to some pretty dark places in my mind some times. I had some issues with erection in my teens, but then dated for 4 years with almost daily sex and only sporadic instances of issues with erection, usually always overcomed at the next time of trying. But now that I have been back single for the past year, it’s a constant struggle. I recently finally met a girl I really liked and after managing to have great sex at the first time of askiNG. I just couldn’t do it the next times, I had a great time everytime I was out with her but as soon as we went to mine or hers my mind was essentially already defeated, and I couldnt get hard to save my life, even after I ate her out for like half hour and she was loving it my guy downstairs was having none of it. Lost the girl ofc, but getting tired of losing people I care about because of this, and end up zoombing through the days feeling like shit. I am essentially refusing to go on dates with girls that want me just to avoid the embaressment and end up having to invent the most convoluted excuses to get out of situations. Good luck to everyone out there, you got this