It was with a friend. Their feeling was to be overprotective of me and wanted to be the reason to make me okay, more importantly than me being okay and doing well. My feeling was to feel independent but also supportive of my decisions and ideas
It was with my girlfriend. She was feeling like I didn’t support her in the way she wanted when she needed me most. I felt like she didn’t realize that I was trying to support her. At that moment, I needed her to show me she cared, and we were alright. At that moment, she just needed to vent.
Silent trip home as I was very tired and didn’t share that, felt a bit awkward. They felt I was distant and didn’t want to speak to them, they needed to know why I was acting weird and to be reassured that I still love them just was having a bad day. I needed to take responsibility for feeling tired and irritable and explain that because of how I felt, I needed some quiet and rest
I feel inadequate since I can’t give he what’s needed in the bedroom.
This one is hard for me as I work in a sector that is build around behaviour management and so I have learnt and apply these lessons already. Though I will say they work very well
In the past I had a lot of conflicts with my mother. She was feeling irritated hopeless looking at me and my behavior. I was feeling also hopeless because at that time (about 10 years ago) I did not know what I did wrong and how to end those conflicts. Later I learned, what exactly my mom was trying to change in me to convince me doing… All she was trying truly to help me and put in the right direction in life… And I was stubbornly sticking with my old wrong way of living…
I was ‘always working and never there for me’. Wwe never dicussed how we felt and why, or make plans how we could slowly solve our issues.
Sometimes my wife alienaated because I ignore and I am in my own world, she wants me to understand her feelings and feel bad about it, se wants me to listen that is ner need, I also need to be a better listener
I’ve spaced out a lot in the past, and that’s created communication issues in the relationship. While that’s better, I think my spacing out part is about protecting myself from my own thoughts, which when I don’t have control over, can overpower me and affect my relationship.
My girlfriend and I have ugly fights when I express anger, generally over an unmet need or where I feel misunderstood and attack. I need to do a better job of explaining what I need from her when I share anger.
Conversely, I’ve found that leaning into curiosity is an effective way to receive my girlfriend’s anger (as she too struggles to express what the need is). It also helps me avoid misunderstandings and acting (and feeling) based on assumptions when I check my understanding with her first
1 Like
My ex and I would often bounce off each others triggered states. It would’ve really helped if I had been able to notice that I was triggered and said hey, I need space to myself to just get back to centre. Or I need to be heard and supported, could you please hold my hand.
1 Like
My partner was being distant. I noticed it but didn’t say anything for a bit. Finally I asked what was up and she explained what was going on. I was able to circumvent my feeling of distance to help focus on what was actually bugging her. Inadvertently bringing them closer
My partner and I often argue when I don’t want to listen to the same music that he does. When I do that í would guess that he may feel alienated or ignored. He might need connection
Well im.mot sure . There isa guilt and shame in me where i feel. I shudnt wanna talk about my partner much but at the same time she doesnt invole me emptionally meaning i feel. Not to talk to her . As much . I feel. I rather do something or heal.my self to talk eith her smthing
My ex made so that I felt unsafe expressing my needs when I was triggered. No matter what I expressed she would either make it about her or say that I was being selfish. I as I’m saying, this technique may work if the relationship is otherwise healthy, and there isn’t a narcissist involved
1 Like
Sometimes with my ex, she would get frustrated with something and if she brought me into it, i would get defensive. In reality she just wanted to be held and touched and soothed and wasnt actually mad at me.
My old man changed his number and didn’t talk to me for a year after a disagreement, when he called me again he acted like nothing happened and said he lost my number. I called him on the lies and cut him off for a year in return then got a call he was in the hospital in bad shape, when I spoke to him I was so mad and filled with rage, I needed that to be heard and my boundaries respected. He needed support I didn’t have to offer so the conversation didn’t go well. He ended up pulling through and we talk from time to time but that was the ugliest conversation we ever had while on his potential death bed.
Sometimes I forget to do bits of housework or I go on my phone whe we’re talking and it really pisses him off. In the past I’d get defensive when he called me out on it. Now I try to listen to what he needs and respond more actively. It doesn’t seem like a big deal to me but it’s important to him so I try to do better.
We recently had a large blow up, I was actually starting to feel better from my sexual performance anxiety and for one time in a few months I wasn’t worried about my erection or loosing it. She was trying on clothes for a trip she was leaving on the next day. All I had thought about was let’s hurry up an finish the pre-trip errands so we can get home an have sex one more time before she leaves. We got home and she started trying on outfits for the trip. She has recently gone through early pre menopause and gained some weight. Nothing she tried on fit her and she begin to get upset. I stood up to hug her a she firmly stated not to touch her, then proceeded to go off on me and chew my ass about not being honest about and telling her she was fat. Needless to say there was no sex, my performance anxiety is back and I’m almost worse than I was when I started mojo.
2 Likes
I just ended a 3 yr relationship because she worked every day until 10 and she would come to my house at 2am, leave at 930 am. She refused to take even a couple days or hours off to do something together,but was furious when I broke up w her, citing my lack of support. I’m still scratching my head over her concepts of our relationship.