I’ve been married for over 20 years. My wife is a cancer survivor and the treatments put her into early menopause and made sex very painful. A few years ago her Dr said she could try a medication that would allow her to have sex without increasing the hormones that might bring the cancer back.
Sex can still be uncomfortable or painful, so there has to be a lot of foreplay, lubrication and entering slowly. A few times early on I lost an erection by the time she was ready for me, which made me fear losing or not getting erections the next time, which feeds into the problem. In addition the fear hurting her on penetration can be a boner killer as well.
When it happens I go down on her (which I love to do) and use a vibrator on her which makes her cum hard. I’ll often basically masterbate with a semi on her pussy, so I do get to cum but feel like a total failure. The thing is she truly would prefer no penetration at all since it is always uncomfortable at first. But I appreciate her being willing to go through that to please me. I feel like if I can’t get it up and keep it up, she’ll eventually think, “What’s the point?” Her libido is very low, and she really is only having sex because my sex drive is much higher.
I just wish things could go back to how they used to be! When we were trying for a second baby I’d basically fuck on demand when her temperature was optimal. But I was a much younger man then. I’m hoping this app can help restore some confidence.
This sounds like a tough situation man. First off, glad to hear your wife is doing well.
I am in a similar situation. My wife has rheumatoid arthritis so she’s dealing with varying levels of pain throughout the day. Weather makes it worse. On top of that she has a naturally low sex drive. Luckily for us it’s not about pain during sex…it’s simply getting the chance (on average we have sex about 8-10 times per year). So when I/we get the chance (mood and pain and kids and all the other factors have to line up) I’m so nervous and anxious to take the opportunity to please my wife and I go soft. I work to rally and eventually get some weak penetration and then cum 30 seconds later.
I guess my point is you’re not alone and we’ll all keeping working through our shit and hopefully have this journey bring success.
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Yep, I’ve done that too - weak penetration and cum 30 seconds later. It really does help to know we’re not alone in having these problems. Thanks for sharing your experience too.
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Hi Gents,
Sorry to hear your wives and you are having these challenges. You both sound like very loving and supportive husbands.
I may not be able to comment specifically around the circumstances you have described but I have had some challenges with my partner who has some physical injuries with movement limitations/pain from an accident. I can understand the feelings of not wanting to hurt them and what that brings whilst still wanting to engage in pleasure together.
I am here working through some ED, PE and low libido which I now know is from a culmination of many things including challenges mentioned above, that I have identified from working in Mojo and talking with Dr.
Could you try incorporating a male masturbating sleeve into your time together. This may help remove the worry and pressure from not wanting to hurt your partner etc. you could use whilst you are pleasing her while you are going down on her or using the vibrator.
With a bit of trial and error you can also position them so you can thrust in them whilst laying with your partner and it give the illusion/sensation you are in side them etc. your partner can also use them on you which feel amazing also. There is quite a few ways you can use them. You can choose to cum in them or pull out and cum elsewhere if you choose. Some of them are also still good if you are not rock hard and only semi. I have experienced this.
One thing my partner and I have adjusted to is that you can still have fun and good pleasure together even if it’s not the same as it once was. We just had to work out what works for us and that’s OK. Hope I haven’t over stepped the mark, just wanted to share.
Wish you both and your wives the best.
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