It’s a mirror image of myself. It’s my own voice and feelings being used against me. It knows all my insecurities and use thems.
It’s a boring useless version of myself with no desire to excel
It’s a voice of the most anxious and pessimistic version of myself, quickly dredging up thoughts of what my partner might think if I didn’t get hard or couldn’t finish and the impact to how she may feel
It looks like a beaten version of myself who is full of doubt and criticism, dissapointing my partner creeps in and unfortunately when that happens my inner critic seems to win
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This person was a tucked tail person with no confidence in his ability to get it up. He is a fearful person who wants to run away
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This person was fearful and anxious. Planning ahead to avoid failure
The inner critic was me, my voice
It’s just me talking to myself in the first person. It’s very logical, and points to the evidence of “last time” to make me feel helpless.
Just a voice
Its very scientific. Like a mean chemist badgering me for all of the weed, tobacco, poor diet, and general lack of concern for my body up until its time for one of my favorite activities (sex). Theres no room for improvement in my brain. I am currently almost 2 weeks sober and yet this voice/person continues to beat me down for the harm I’ve done to my body in an ironic pursuit to make myself feel better.
It also takes the form of writing in my partners mental dialogue too. Almost every partner I’ve been with has been very understanding about it, but there’s this painful itch that they are disappointed, or even that they are planning to go and tell all their friends about this guy that speaks incoherently and cant get it up.
Me
Myself.
It was me, my voice in my head. Not really saying anything but just filling me with dread and waiting to say “see, I told you so”.
I really cannot picture anything, I have memories in the moment where I worry that I’ll ruin the night if I don’t perform, or that I will be rejected in the future with this person because of this, because of not being a man.
It doesn’t have a face or a voice, it just is - like a rule, or a law that is written somewhere, for someone else’s judgement to command.
My inner critic sounds like me, it’s both cautiously encouraging and anxious. It’s me with my eyes wide with fear, and with an insincere smile, trying to help, but all the while knowing that I’m in for another one of those sexual experiences where it just doesn’t go right.
It is just my inquisitive voice asking probing questions.
I’m worried I won’t cum, I’m worried she won’t cum. → I’m worried about making her upset. → I’m worried about accusations and having my integrity questioned. →
I know that I’m honest, but proving honesty is impossible, and I have to rely on her trusting me, which she doesn’t by default, it seems. I don’t know what or if I did something wrong to not have her trust.
It says that because I’ve masturbated that day then there’s no point trying to have sex that evening as I won’t be able to stay hard or cum so I should delay or put up barriers to having sex.
Nothing just me
Had to rewrite because I misunderstood a site function. Anyways, in retrospect mine manifests in both words and concepts, death related concepts being the most prominent. My death anxieties stem from early childhood exposure of a dead pet, I remember how much that made me bawl my eyes out and how I tried watching the Weather Channel to make myself feel better. Those of us on the autism spectrum tend to develop special interests (at this point in time, it was weather), though, special interests can come and go, like in this case.
I also have health anxiety (hypochondria) which ties into the death anxiety, I have many family members with health anxiety so that was developed through osmosis. My critic makes me feel I am doing something wrong in the moral sense as well, I’ve been on sites like f-list, an adult oriented role-playing site, where extreme fetishes, and custom, are listed in the character maker (text based, plus drawings can be summited). Some people find fetishes listed as either immoral or morally reprehensible. Even though I am aware that psychologists agree that fantasies are separate from one’s moral code, it still sits in the back of my mind that it’s wrong on occasion and that the experts could be wrong in this particular case, it’s a conundrum. This, I feel, stems from my teenage years, my mother would spy on my devices then act judgmental over the things I was all curious about.