- often group intimacy, or intimacy in a public setting e.g. orgy
- putting on a condom can (depends a lot, sometimes not at all) because it can feel like a race against time to stay hard until I’m inside my partner
- sometimes with a partner, if I don’t feel relaxed, in the transition from play to penetration I’ll lose the erection
- often if I’m playing with a partner, I won’t have an erection. it feels like 2 v different mindsets giving and receiving pleasure. I think there’s likely a strong performative element when I’m giving pleasure, where I want to do a great job, so I’m not in a relaxed, sexual mindset myself.
Weirdly I’d say the girl getting on top can be a big trigger for me. I think naturally it’s slightly less hard laying flat on your back, which starts that cycle of worrying if it’s gonna stay up or I’m going to lose my erection.
Receiving oral sex can have a similar effect, if it’s not instantly rock hard. There’s a fear that it’ll never get hard and therefore that can trigger a similar anxious response.
Definitely putting on a condom was one trigger. Sometimes just prior to penetration after a first time it didn’t work sowed the seeds that this point was critical and it felt if it didn’t happen right away the moment was ruined.
The whole condom situation definetly resonated with me. Even though i really like condoms because they are lengthening the duration of my performance because of not feeling that much. As soon as the condom is on I’m usually good to go, but the moment of putting is on is the make or break point for me. I guess what really triggers me is losing the flow. I like having her or my hand or her vagina around my penis to stimulate it. When there is no reassuring stimulation happening I tend to get really nervous and often lose my boner…
Anxiety about how long sex will last after foreplay and if my partner is enjoying it
A soon as I “should” be hard and I’m not. For example, I see my partner naked but nothing is happening. Then I question everything and I’ve started critical thinking.
Or even before sex when I know we are heading that direction I start with overthinking chatter. Something like “it’s happening, breathe deep, try be present” etc.
Generally if I’m in a positive confident mindset I know I’ll get hard often. So even recognising that I don’t feel confident and that the self talk has started is a spiral of negativity.
After foreplay, or maybe even before, when I’m ready to go, my wife needs to get ready or decides to turn off the light, etc. I get anxious I will lose it and invariably I do lose it.
I don’t feel like I can get an erection or have sex without pills to get me hard and make me last. Even when the pills make me hard I’m constantly worried I won’t last long enough. Because of the pills, sometimes if I’m not fully hard, I will cum too fast, probably from lifelong issues and being able to orgasm without being fully hard. Things like standing to receive fellatio can trigger me to go soft, even though standing for penetration generally works. Certain positions that are strenuous make me feel like I’ll lose my erection. Engaging in anal intercourse with a partner who is very tight and/or wants a condom bring on the pressure of being hard enough to penetrate them but doing so slowly enough to not hurt them, or pausing for a condom/losing sensation causing me to go soft.
I’m lucky enough to be with a partner who hates using condoms as much as I do, which is a big reason why I am disappointed that just the promise of unprotected sex isn’t immediately arousing enough to cause an erection. My previous long-term partner always wanted to use them, and it rarely if ever affected my ability to perform.
My preference is usually to spend some time getting relaxed being close and then I initiate the intimacy. I find if she initiates it then I feel pressure and expectations. That is when I get anxious, like if I’m not getting immediately hard when she takes me in her hand or mouth then I’m turning her off and disappointing her.
Sometimes I will be having sex in a position and think to myself, this position isn’t feeling very pleasurable. I then tell myself, maybe if I keep going or go faster I will orgasm before it goes limp. Then I am trying to work with what feels like a slowly deflating balloon ending with disappointment for everyone involved.
Things are even more difficult now because my partner is becoming increasingly frustrated as she wishes to become pregnant and is placing increasing pressure to “sort myself out” which is not helping the situation.
If I know my boyfriend wants me to top them or I get the feeling they do and I’m not already hard I worry that I won’t be able to get there at all. And sometimes when I am hard, trying to enter them isn’t always easy and that can make me lose my hard on.
During penetration, if I have trouble entering her, due to dryness, i quickly loose my erection.
Doucheing after foreplay is always an erection killer for me. I always feel really awkward and it always takes way longer than it should and feels very gross. And by the end of it I don’t really wanna have sex anymore.
Not a specific moment, just bug me all the time if i can get it up and make me overthinking it. I hate that because i feel like im not satisfying my fiancé
Changing positions sometimes makes me lose my erection
For me right before penetration I get triggered. That is when I always lose it because my inner critic starts telling me that I will lose it right there.
Making sure the door is locked.
Applying a condom is a huge anxiety trigger as is initial penetration and changing position.
When my wife is waiting for me to penetrate, I get anxious in making sure she will reach an orgasm, which has led me to overthink & loose my erection.
I usually get anxious when we want to transition from foreplay into intercourse. There’s just something about it, I will be rock solid then all of a sudden I’m limp in a matter of seconds. I personally think that it’s my insecurity with my size. I’m below average and for me at least it is very demoralizing.