- often group intimacy, or intimacy in a public setting e.g. orgy
- putting on a condom can (depends a lot, sometimes not at all) because it can feel like a race against time to stay hard until Iām inside my partner
- sometimes with a partner, if I donāt feel relaxed, in the transition from play to penetration Iāll lose the erection
- often if Iām playing with a partner, I wonāt have an erection. it feels like 2 v different mindsets giving and receiving pleasure. I think thereās likely a strong performative element when Iām giving pleasure, where I want to do a great job, so Iām not in a relaxed, sexual mindset myself.
Weirdly Iād say the girl getting on top can be a big trigger for me. I think naturally itās slightly less hard laying flat on your back, which starts that cycle of worrying if itās gonna stay up or Iām going to lose my erection.
Receiving oral sex can have a similar effect, if itās not instantly rock hard. Thereās a fear that itāll never get hard and therefore that can trigger a similar anxious response.
Definitely putting on a condom was one trigger. Sometimes just prior to penetration after a first time it didnāt work sowed the seeds that this point was critical and it felt if it didnāt happen right away the moment was ruined.
The whole condom situation definetly resonated with me. Even though i really like condoms because they are lengthening the duration of my performance because of not feeling that much. As soon as the condom is on Iām usually good to go, but the moment of putting is on is the make or break point for me. I guess what really triggers me is losing the flow. I like having her or my hand or her vagina around my penis to stimulate it. When there is no reassuring stimulation happening I tend to get really nervous and often lose my bonerā¦
Anxiety about how long sex will last after foreplay and if my partner is enjoying it
A soon as I āshouldā be hard and Iām not. For example, I see my partner naked but nothing is happening. Then I question everything and Iāve started critical thinking.
Or even before sex when I know we are heading that direction I start with overthinking chatter. Something like āitās happening, breathe deep, try be presentā etc.
Generally if Iām in a positive confident mindset I know Iāll get hard often. So even recognising that I donāt feel confident and that the self talk has started is a spiral of negativity.
After foreplay, or maybe even before, when Iām ready to go, my wife needs to get ready or decides to turn off the light, etc. I get anxious I will lose it and invariably I do lose it.
I donāt feel like I can get an erection or have sex without pills to get me hard and make me last. Even when the pills make me hard Iām constantly worried I wonāt last long enough. Because of the pills, sometimes if Iām not fully hard, I will cum too fast, probably from lifelong issues and being able to orgasm without being fully hard. Things like standing to receive fellatio can trigger me to go soft, even though standing for penetration generally works. Certain positions that are strenuous make me feel like Iāll lose my erection. Engaging in anal intercourse with a partner who is very tight and/or wants a condom bring on the pressure of being hard enough to penetrate them but doing so slowly enough to not hurt them, or pausing for a condom/losing sensation causing me to go soft.
Iām lucky enough to be with a partner who hates using condoms as much as I do, which is a big reason why I am disappointed that just the promise of unprotected sex isnāt immediately arousing enough to cause an erection. My previous long-term partner always wanted to use them, and it rarely if ever affected my ability to perform.
My preference is usually to spend some time getting relaxed being close and then I initiate the intimacy. I find if she initiates it then I feel pressure and expectations. That is when I get anxious, like if Iām not getting immediately hard when she takes me in her hand or mouth then Iām turning her off and disappointing her.
Sometimes I will be having sex in a position and think to myself, this position isnāt feeling very pleasurable. I then tell myself, maybe if I keep going or go faster I will orgasm before it goes limp. Then I am trying to work with what feels like a slowly deflating balloon ending with disappointment for everyone involved.
Things are even more difficult now because my partner is becoming increasingly frustrated as she wishes to become pregnant and is placing increasing pressure to āsort myself outā which is not helping the situation.
If I know my boyfriend wants me to top them or I get the feeling they do and Iām not already hard I worry that I wonāt be able to get there at all. And sometimes when I am hard, trying to enter them isnāt always easy and that can make me lose my hard on.
During penetration, if I have trouble entering her, due to dryness, i quickly loose my erection.
Doucheing after foreplay is always an erection killer for me. I always feel really awkward and it always takes way longer than it should and feels very gross. And by the end of it I donāt really wanna have sex anymore.
Not a specific moment, just bug me all the time if i can get it up and make me overthinking it. I hate that because i feel like im not satisfying my fiancƩ
Changing positions sometimes makes me lose my erection
For me right before penetration I get triggered. That is when I always lose it because my inner critic starts telling me that I will lose it right there.
Making sure the door is locked.
Applying a condom is a huge anxiety trigger as is initial penetration and changing position.
When my wife is waiting for me to penetrate, I get anxious in making sure she will reach an orgasm, which has led me to overthink & loose my erection.
I usually get anxious when we want to transition from foreplay into intercourse. Thereās just something about it, I will be rock solid then all of a sudden Iām limp in a matter of seconds. I personally think that itās my insecurity with my size. Iām below average and for me at least it is very demoralizing.