I have had problems with sex for a long time now. It started with my ex wife, she would constantly turn me down for sex then we had to spend 8 years using hormone and ivf to have 2 children, the problems were on her side. Sex became something I was told I had to do and when to do it, it became not enjoyable anymore. As a result of this I developed premature ej as I just wanted it over as quick as possible. Eventually we broke up and I met someone else who I really loved. I had so much anxiety about my problem that I needed to have a drink before sex to make me relax and perform for longer. Obviously that is not sustainable and I started making excuses to not have sex and totally avoiding sex, resulting in my gf feeling i wasn’t attracted to her anymore. We have recently split up over a few issues but this was definitely something that was a problem and I’m totally in my own head about it now. I worry that this will be a problem for the rest of my life, resulting in never being able to have a normal sexual relationship with someone I love.
Hey man that’s terrible to hear. I’m sorry for what you’re going through. I still only have a gf but I heavily relate to your partner turning you down for sex a lot. To be honest, I think this is partly what contributed to my ED. Basically, most of the time I wanted to be intimate she’d push me away or only agree to let me do all the work while she mostly remained uninvolved. However, when she was in the mood, our sexual acts were really wonderful. But the constant changing of her mind when she agreed only to say she didn’t want it the day of, or the attitude she had about it caused me to have a lot of anger and frustration. Also, along with some trust issues that we’re trying to work on now, I remember feeling a bit resentful at time during the last few times we had sex even though we also were feeling positive emotions. I’m only telling you this brother to let you know you’re not alone, and I think we may have similar psychological causes for our ED issues. Also the good news is that your issues seem almost entirely psychological. There is a good chance you can reverse this and have more sex more often. I recommend seeing a therapist or psychiatrist or sex therapist to help your mind calm down and not think so negatively.