So, let me just first say that this app has helped me a lot with getting out of my head and I’ve made a lot of progress from when I first began both sexually and overall confidence-wise. My girlfriend and I have had successful sex a couple of times, but one thing I’ve noticed is I still don’t get hard from her stimulating me. Basically while we’re fooling around, we’ll get to a point where we’re just kissing for a moment and I’ll start masturbating to get myself hard, and then we have sex. The times that she has gone down on me during foreplay I still find myself self spectating.
Does anyone else have this problem where they have to “do it themselves” in order to go forward? I’m really glad that we’ve been able to have sex but I know it can be better so I’d like to cut this part out too. I’m thinking about changing my masturbation habits going forward (perhaps the familiar touch of my dominant hand is what it’s used to so it just knows what to do when I do it?) but if anyone has any other tips they can think of or similar experience I’d really appreciate it!
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I will say that I have got into the habit of this myself too, whenever I start to lose it I’ll try to get it back myself rather than letting her. I guess it’s partly a fear, partly that my reflection is that I definitely need to get more comfortable letting her do the work and working on the spectating. You’re definitely not alone in that though for sure.
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Yes, I’ve had this problem over the last 10 years. I haven’t figured it out yet on this app, but for my entire sex life of 36 years I’ve had the problem of losing my erection, which with the help of this app I’ve pretty much gotten over that. I’ve been on this app for on and off over a year and I’m grateful for it, but I’m thinking of going to a therapist because I still think it’s just spectatoring that’s preventing me from getting aroused cuz sometimes I can but most times not.
While on the topic of changing your masturbating habits, I would encourage exploring self pleasure with a toy like a “flesh-light” kind of toy. I’ve been finding it very helpful.
Otherwise, I get it, requiring your own hand, feeling more efficient, etc. But relaxing into the moment when you’re in her hands will allow you to get out your own way in such instances. It’s a process.
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I’m embarrassed to try to get/keep it hard with my own hand when I’m with my GF of 3 mos.
She’s real understanding, goes down, uses her hand and is enthusiastic/supportive!
The other morning we were fooling around and I suggested start with her mouth and finish me with her hand. I damn near finished, but I think I’m too used to my own grip…