Losing my sanity

For the past few years me and my wife have been having sex but only with cialis, and not often… it works fine most of the time but as time went on we did it less and less becauae she doesnt like “being on a schedule” but every time i try to do it spontaneously she turns me down and says she doesnt want to fight about it… i didnt tell her i took a cialis becauae it bothers me and i just wanted to enjoy having sex with my wife without the dreaded “we should have sex tonight”. How can she say she wants more intimacy but reject it based on tbe grounds that she doesnt want to argue? Doesnt want me taking pills to have sex but wont try having sex without it because she doesnt want to be dissappinted… am i being naive here and just trying to hang on to something thats already over or am i just overreacting in the moment? I lovd my wife very much and understand completely how this effects her, but at the same time i feel loke she wants me to fix the problem without any support or help from her… really im just rambling here just trying to get this all out of my head because i do find that helps, i am completely lost and find myself getting increasingly dark and falling further into the depressive abyss… i dont know how mcuh longer i can hold on to my sanity before i have a full on breakdown. Thanks to anyone who reads or replies, and im sorry to abyone who relates.


Hey brother.
You are not alone man. I am currently relying heavily on pills to be able to perform with my partner. When I’m on my own, no problem…but as soon as the pressure is on, I fall apart.
I feel so ashamed at needing pills, but the absolute worst thing, and the thing I get stressed about the most, is knowing how upset she will get and how disappointed she will be if I can’t get it up.
Some women take it really personally and almost like an insult. They can’t see that it has nothing to do with them. They think we aren’t attracted to them or like they “aren’t enough”. My girlfriend has said all this to me. Then when I apologised for how it made her feel, she told me to just focus on myself so I could “fix the issue”.
I guess what I’m saying mate, is this is Such a difficult condition, especially when it’s psychological, and not having the Full support of your partner makes it so much more difficult. Whenever my girlfriend is patient, loving and willing to spend the time in foreplay I get it up no problem. I’ve had to spend a lot of time talking with her about this and trying to reinforce the fact that it has nothing to do with her, and that it’s all in my head. I can tell you really love your wife, so don’t give up…talk it through with her as much as you possibly can, make her feel as loved as you possibly can. Har is to us both getting out of our brains.
Again, you’re not alone bro.


Hey man, I feel you! You are not alone.

What I’m trying to do is to keep decreasing the grams that I need to have a decent sex.

So instead of taking 5g Cialis, take half of it, then half of the half, etc.

It helped to feel that I can have sex without the pills. It does not work every time but that’s the risk. Better like this than feel embarrassed for taking pils.

Try to work on your stress levels and try to listen to your body more.

You will figure this out.

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You’re not alone. I’m definitely in a similar boat. It is difficult to be a situation where your wife isn’t invested in mutual cooperation. A few thoughts. 1) The more pressure the less arousal. You have to accept not having 100% ideal experiences. 2) careful about victim mentality. Be honest and confident talking to your wife about the situation. You are not less of a person because you feel pressure. 3) love your self


I feel you brother. It’s awful to have stress so heavily tied to sex. One of the perks of Cialis is that its action lasts roughly 24-36 hours, sometimes as much as 72 hours. I’m certainly not a dr., but I don’t think you need to worry about timing, depending on how frequently you’re prescribed to take it. I take it daily because, in addition to every other headache, I’ve recently had some prostate issues. Cialis is often used off label to help with prostate issues.

ED issues are inconvenient at best, but they can also be incredibly toxic and anxiety-inducing. It’s a real mind-fuck (no pun intended). I’m a strong proponent for counseling. I recently reached out to a few who offer free consultations. Some accept insurance and some operate on a sliding scale and/or are funded through an associated sister foundation. The providers I’ve reached out to specialize in sexual health counseling for individuals and/or couples. ED issues appear to be something that they specialize in.

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@overwhelming-copper-cardinal I definitely feel a lot of what you are sharing. I actually found a physical therapist who helped me with some pelvic floor weakness that was affecting my erection. Not only do I think the exercises and stretches helped physically, I know they helped psychologically.

I also feel you are sharing a lot of relationship pressure and self-pressure which is not helpful from my experience when trying to have an erection. If you haven’t talked to a counselor, it might be worth a shot. There are counselors who help men specifically. Again, in my experience it was extremely helpful.

Good luck, I am rooting for you and all of us who are putting in the work.

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I found a great sexual health therapist who accepts my insurance. She has been incredibly helpful.

Thank you for sharing mate and I’m sorry to hear of your difficulties.

I don’t know the exact details of what you’ve tried to explore with your wife, but it could be beneficial to explain to her that you desire her very much and you would like to explore giving her pleasure with your hands and mouth (without any particular goal or specific outcome, such as an orgasm, in mind), all over her body.

I’m not sure whether your erection difficulties tend to be related to penetrative sex, but you could also try asking her if she’d be willing to give you a hand job and/or a blow job (again, without any (self-)pressure to come). This could enable the two of you to reconnect, you to receive sexual pleasure and her to see that you desire her physically and find her attractive.

You may also want to go for sexual counselling together. This can be really effective in bringing issues to light and enabling you to find common ground so that you can get back on a strong path together.

Good luck and all the best!

OP…your experience almost exactly mirrors my own, except I have never told my wife that I’ve taken pills (first Levitra, then Cialis) before sex. I think if she knew, she’d lose her mind. As it is, though, we haven’t had penetrative sex for several years.

I don’t have any words of encouragement. I’m sorry for your situation but I guess I am just glad that I am not the only one going through this. I will share my story soon.