I have had a partner for 5 years now, we love each other everything is very good except sex, in the 2 years our sex life has been in decline we have had sex but not quality sex, before when we met we used to have sex every time we could, but then, I cheated on her when I went back to my country and she found out, since then everything changed when I try to have sex with her and I don’t get hard she will go off about how I was able to be sexually with other women and not with her, I was honest and I accepted my mistake women they forgive not forget, about a year back she also confess that she cheated on me, I asked her if was revenge, she said no, after that we didn’t have sex for a year exactly do to my low selfsteen, I’m in my head every time I want to have sex I catastrophes the act, and it feels that she is going to start questioning again about the pass, but its all in my head, she has changed I have changed for the better it just the piece of insecurity; I always had question my sexuality, meaning that if there was more just to penetration it’s just pump and ejaculate?.
I always had a focus on erection not sensations, not feeling, not emotionally connected to partner spending too much time in my head, now with MOJO and other things I been doing I started feeling better more confident but still have the tiny feeling of I’m going to fell again…
I can relate I cheated on my wife 11 years ago and I just confessed this past august . Shorty after my confession I started having issues with rising for the occasion. My wife was also in her head for obvious reasons which made things worse. It’s been a slow process but as of the last few weeks we are almost back to normal and things are looking up quite literally lol . My advice communication talk through things as much as possible . Help her to understand that your issues have nothing to do with you not being attractive to her and the other woman has nothing to do with it . On top of that remind yourself of the success that you’ve had in the past and this thing is purely psychological . I know from experience you can beat this thing !!
The forgive not forget things is such an interesting concept . True forgiveness means this slate is washed clean . It’s super difficult for us humanly to forgive without holding onto some resentment . But I believe it is possible . Not sure if you guys are Christians but the faith piece has really helped us in our marriage especially when it comes to forgiveness.
This might actually be a case where something like couples counselling could be an option, it seems do be a deep seeded sense of guilt causing this and prehaps thoughts from both of you about the cheating while being intimate, it would be worth dicussing this more in detail together to find out whats going on