Hey lads,
I’ve started a new relationship with this girl I’ve been wanting for a long time.
We’re both confessed in love and head over heels for one another, it feels like the “one”. I do have intermittent ED, where sex can be 50-50 - but I have it relatively regularly 1/2 times a week. I can’t shake it but it’s not terrible.
But the thing I can’t get over is doubt. I stress myself out and start to doubt everything: have I picked wrong, am I leading myself on, am I even attracted to her? She’s 10/10 in my eyes but it’s like my brain is taunting me and trying to rationalise ED in crazy ways. The sad thing is it does take a hold of me sometimes.
I know in my heart the answer to all these questions but I can’t shake the doubt and it’s driving me crazy. Sometimes waking up without or delayed ejaculation (both not uncommon for me anyway) makes it worse.
Is it normal to question your relationship and attraction to partner if you have psychological ED? Is that just the inner critic looking for excuses?
One thing that helped for me is learning to not judge your body. I often think about sex for half a second and I’m like why don’t I have an erection or why didn’t I wake up for erection? And then I get frustrated, I’ve tried to just let my body be my body and not let those moments mean anything, that is catastrophizing. The thing is we aren’t in control of our own bodies all the time and that is okay, just let it be show it compassion and that will help the stress and anxiety work it self out and it will be easier for your body to show up for you when you need it
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Well, you’re certainly not the only one who struggles with that bit of doubt in these situations. Def recommend doing the reprogram neg thoughts and silence self criticism to identify and address you thoughts. I think I’m similar to you I some ways of thinking, ultimately would try to not overthink, just do and experience. (Though I know that’s easier said than done)
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I really struggled with doubt and worry about little stupid things in my last relationship. This taught me one major lesson: communicate with your partner. Talk about the things that are worrying you before they build up in your head to the point where you end the relationship. This is what I did and it was one of my biggest regrets.
If you love each other, then having a healthy conversation about your worries and fears etc will not end the relationship.
Wishing you the best bro, I hope it goes well.
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