I. Finally. Had. The. Sex!

Been practising polyamory with my wife just over a year now. I’ve had quite a few dates and a few got sexual but the inner critic was so worried about their comfort and their expectation and my ego & how I used to be last time I was single 10+ years ago. My body felt rushed and worse my voice completely froze and I was not able to ask for a change in activity or pace until I completely lost erection. 1 person freaked out at this after a few failed sessions & blamed themselves then broke things off it was traumatic i lost a lot of sleep and felt very broken.

Here’s what helped for me:

  • #1 a qtr pill of viagra. It feels a bit counter-intuitive after all this work but do your research & still know you need to be relaxed and aroused. It’s a launching pad I wanted and don’t plan on relying on it again
  • owning it, stopped being in denial.
  • laughed it off. Brains and bodies are silly and funny things. We are all wired for pleasure, so know it can pass just as easily as it came
  • chatting with my partner and being honest & caring. This person I’m dating is very understanding and also can be anxious, it helped a lot.
  • Huge one: knowing when I’m in my head before attempting and say it. We had a bath to relax and laughed teasingly at each others genitals. Out of nowhere this turned to touch and then the shared arousal was extremely obvious

I’ve still got work to do but mojo has helped a lot, also a bit of therapy for understanding individual triggers.
But i have been in a super depressive state and know its completely addressable!!

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Thanks for sharing man!!!

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I can totally relate. My wife and I are non monogamous and often attend parties and my biggest issue has been in performing to someone new and getting all in my head about whether I am doing the right thing, the other person is enjoying it and wants my approach, etc and then lose my erection because I’m overthinking… hope to be able to overcome this and be more confident when approaching new people the same way I do with people im comfortable with.

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Should I try pills ?

I had a very positive experience with it and tried it solo first. But definitely speak to your doc and tell your partner if you’re thinking you’d like to try a little boost. I think it helped doing it out of confidence, fun and a little assist, not from shame or feeling inadequate.

It’s up to you. I started using them when my wife and I were trying to conceive. I’m middle aged and didn’t want to be the reason we missed a window. Mojo helps with a lot of the mental aspects of ED or performance anxiety, but I still take a tadalifil once in a while.

I’ve always had a certain amount of performance anxiety but was able to overcome it. But as I aged and the realization of it’s affect it’s become more of an issue. I know part of the battle is the ever so common of an enlarged prostate but find it’s not just that. I don’t know if it’s more me or the prostate thing. Bc there’s a lot of that going on with a lot of people. Any way you slice it it sucks.
Sorry for just making it about me, it’s my initial go at this. I can relate to what you have written, for sure. Our society is very performance based for men.
After the enormous criticism we have taken on it just seems to get worse. I’m old enough to remember men didn’t know if we should open the door for women, stand when a lady excuses herself when leaving the table on a date, or walking streetside while walking on a sidewalk with a lady. We’re expected to be the spiritual leader, the breadwinner, protector, and performer of the hh. Constantly being under the lens of how we measure up (no pun intended).

I found your ad and am interested. Waiting for your response.

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