I’ve been dealing with psychological ED for years. I’m 40 years old and I have an amazing gf. But she’s not used to being with a guy that doesn’t get hard in an instant. Lately I’ve been doing good. We’ve been having sex and I’ve felt good about myself but last night I couldn’t even get hard at all. She was so upset and I of course am upset too. Why is it so random? Why can’t I get hard all the time? I’ve seen doctors and they just say it’s in my head but there are times where I feel fine and I still can’t get hard. There are times where it seems like theirs no real reason why I can’t get an erection.
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If your girl gets mad she’s not the right one. Ive had PE for a while and when it happens I’m usually the one who gets mad at myself and the girl is never mad or irritated. Try doing hand stuff ive been with girls who can get off just with that. Women who been with other women don’t even need penetrative sex. Not needing to use my “stuff” made me so much more comfortable with intimacy.
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That’s a good point about 'women with women ’ and penetration not being the main part of sex.
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I totally relate to that idea that I’m feeling “fine” but still not getting hard—I think there may be shit going on deeper than our consciousness? And sometimes we are tensed up without even realizing it. I recently learned a technique from my therapist to actively relax my tongue/jaw, lower my armpits, and breathe into my stomach that is quite effective.
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She needs to understand that it’s in your head and it’s not her! Not sure how you go about her to understand…
My ped is strong enough it can overcome all the pills in high doses…
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Mine is the same way. Even with pills if my heads not in the right space I just can’t perform.
I can fully agree that I feel often times it’s subconscious and it’s almost like it’s hidden and honestly I’m not sure what to do about it.
I think therapy may be the best/only way to work on the subconscious? After a couple of “okay” therapists I’m currently with someone who is truly a master at this work. Additionally, acknowledging dicks just don’t always get hard and pivoting to other kinds of play without shame—in you or your partner, which will require some talking between you—can release a lot of the pressure. I agree with @organic-white-owl that if your girlfriend can’t get on board and be supportive, it will be very difficult for you to be kind with yourself, but open up and give her a chance.
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