How did you overcome your anxiety and began to unlock your creativity?

Due to my anxiety, I often fall into routines, both in and out of the bedroom. As such, I’ve found I don’t know a lot about myself, such as how I like to touch others or be touched. I also feel immensely anxious about the idea of being creative in the bedroom. If any of you struggled with this, how did you manage to work on overcoming it?

You need to read!! You should study tantra or modern tantra. You don’t have to come up with these things yourself, it’s all been done for you, and you have access to everything on your phone if you’re willing to spend a few bucks. Everyone has different boundaries, and that goes for both you and her, but keep an open mind because I promise you there’s stuff that you’ll be horrified by at first and turn out to love down the line. And if something’s not for you, then it’s not for you. No harm, no foul.
Make sure you study massage. This guy is really good because it’s specifically couples massage. There are a lot of boundaries that a clinical massage therapist can’t cross, and a whole new world of possibilities is opened up when you have the technique and anatomy knowledge of a massage therapist, but you’re allowed to touch her anywhere and orient yourselves in any position. For the most part, the only women who ever get this powerful of an experience are the ones who date a masseuse, because getting a professional massage can’t come close. For example, sitting up in bed with her in between your legs facing in the same direction gives you a perfect way to massage her chest and collarbones while she feels like she’s being held and rocked in your arms. And you can kiss her forehead. Positions like that which communicate safety are so incredibly important. Women cannot be turned in if they don’t feel safe. A stress response will kill any chance of orgasm, which is why so many women have trouble reaching orgasm today because everyone is so stressed. Massage is also a great and natural way to escalate physical contact if you’re with a new partner. If a girl likes you and you give her an innocent hand massage that’s better than anything she’s ever had, she’s going to ask you to do more in other places.

Also study erotic hypnosis. The Renegade Hypnotist is the best out there I think. Keep in mind that the physical act of intercourse is simply the culmination of sex. This is why men fail because they focus on intercourse, not the things surrounding it. To call it foreplay is shortsighted. When you’re holding the back of her neck and staring into her eyes, you’re having sex. That is in fact much more sexual than making out, and girls know it. If you’re waiting until you’re in bed at night to be romantic or sexual, it’s already too late to be thoroughly successful. Female orgasm is 95% mental, so focusing on exciting situations is key. Most men don’t believe it’s possible to give women orgasms without touching them with just your voice, or by setting triggers on certain parts of their body like their earlobes. Once your voice is subconsciously associated with her orgasm, it becomes a whole lot easier to get her to cum. You can even tie her orgasm to the act of giving you a blowjob, which definitely provides a little incentive. It’s easier than you might think if you put in the work and have a little faith. The brain is the body’s biggest sex organ, and it’s far more important for women.

Dirty talk is also important, and there is a lot of crossover between dirty talk and erotic hypnosis. I know dirty talk sounds mortifying to some men and it certainly did to me when I was younger but you can never truly excite a woman without it, not to the level that’s possible anyway. But then again most men have no idea just how strong of a reaction is possible. You just have to dive right in and be assertive. It will definitely feel like it’s not you at first. It certainly did for me, but if you power through you will adjust pretty quickly and it will become you. Women need things described in vivid detail, and they need all of their senses stimulated, including smell. It really becomes quite easy once you get the hang of it. And it’s beyond effective. When you’re commanding her to repeat things, she believes them. If you say “You can’t help yourself around me, can you?” And she says “No I can’t.” And you say “I want to hear you say it, ‘I can’t control my body around you daddy.’” and she repeats that back to you, she will thoroughly believe it. Not that she wasn’t already attracted to you, but the feelings will grow stronger. When you hear yourself saying something, you believe it. It doesn’t matter that she said it because you told her to, it will become true. That’s why saying affirmations works better when you say them out loud. It’s also why if you force yourself to grin ear to ear for 10 or 15 seconds, you will begin to feel happier. Your body tries to explain external things like that to itself in order to reconcile the occurrence.

And don’t think just because your girl has never tried to initiate dirty talk with you that she doesn’t want it. The vast majority of women like dirty talk, and if they don’t, it’s probably because they aren’t comfortable with themselves sexually, which is largely addressable with hypnosis. Some are shyer than others, but even the ones who would be confident doing it will not initiate it themselves. You have to go there first to unlock that map. This goes for a lot of things besides just dirty talk. Men think that because their woman has never tried to do something with them or verbally brought it up that means that she isn’t into it. But women will never bring stuff like that up because they’re afraid you won’t be into it and you’ll judge them as a slut. Women are willing to do far more than men realize. But men try to verbally cajole women into doing things they want. When you focus on giving her extreme pleasure, she will want very badly to return the favor of heightened sexuality, and she will want desperately to ensure that she’s satisfying you so that she doesn’t loose you because most men can’t make her feel like that. Men have no idea that they give off the vibe that they’re going to judge her for doing adventurous things, or that they’ll go and tell their friends what she let them do. Discretion is one of the characteristics that women love most, whether it’s a casual fling or a marriage. There are also many things that women have never thought about, or perhaps thought they wouldn’t like, but if the right guy takes them there with the right energy, they will be intrigued and follow. Another example is her touching herself. Most women won’t start touching themselves in front of a man unless they’re either really comfortable with him because they’re married, or they’re really disappointed by the sex. This is because they know many men would see it as slutty, and because they know that many would feel insulted, as if she’s doing it because his penis isn’t enough. This can be the case but it’s usually not, so think of that kind of stuff as her doing the work for you. If she’s touching herself while you’re penetrating her, she’s not going to associate that incredible orgasm with her hand, she’s going to associate it with you. Especially if you’re the one who put her hand on her clit and ordered her to do it.

I always do this thing where basically if you’re with a girl early on and there’s some mild physical contact but you don’t have sex, the next time she comes to your house l, you say “I know what you did Tuesday night after you left my house.” And she’ll play dumb and you say “you were thinking about me, weren’t you? You went home, and you crawled into bed, and you thought about what it would’ve been like to be with me, and you took that little hand of yours and put it right there.” take her hand and put it between her legs and she’ll say “no I didn’t!” And you say “Yes you did, I know you did, I know you were wondering what it would be like to be misbehave for me. You can’t fool me” and then you get her to start touching herself right in front of you before you’ve even had sex. This works especially well if she’s sitting in front of you facing the same way because you’re not looking at her and she can’t see you looking at her, so she’ll feel like she’s not being judged. It’s a subtle subconscious thing but it’s plausible deniability for her. She doesn’t feel like all eyes are on her so she lets go. This whole situation not only communicates to her that you know exactly what she’s up to, but it also cements this fantasy that she probably had, with the two of you together in person. You’re connecting her secret fantasies that she has in private to the physical presence of yourself, and that is incredibly intimate and makes her feel like you understand her and can read her. You’re also breaking the taboo of her touching herself in front of you, which makes her immediately feel a lot more open because she understands that you’re not like most other guys. You don’t follow boring unspoken rules. I cannot overstate how impactful this kind of stuff is.

Another thing you can do, and this works especially well if she comes over to your house and you have some work to finish, is sit her down on the couch and tell her “Daddy needs to finish some work but you’re going to sit down right here, and you’re going to think about what daddy’s going to do to you when he finishes his work. And you’re going to touch yourself and get your body ready to take him.” And she’ll say “no please I want you to touch me. Please please” And you say “No, I’m not going to touch you until you’ve already given yourself at least one orgasm thinking about me and you’ve soaked all the way through your panties.” This gets her imagination flowing and takes care of the warmup without you even having to do anything! And you can get your work done! If that’s not two birds with one stone, I don’t know what is. Not saying you should be disengaged and leave it all to her, far from it, but it doesn’t matter that you’re not involved because you told her to do it, and you told her to think about you. Girl LOVE to be told what to do in a playful way like this. You can also punish girls when they’re late to meet you. If she’s late, you tell her she’s a bad girl and you wont tolerate that kind of misbehavior, and put her over your leg and spank her. Then start touching her between her legs from behind. If she’s a really good girl and does something that makes you really happy, then you reward her by giving her what she wants. “Fine, I’ll let you suck it, but only because you’re such a good girl.”
So if she’s bad she gets it, and if she’s good she gets it. Either way you both win! She’s not actually getting punished, and in fact the “punishment” is more fun for most women then the “reward,” but you’re creating a framework where you’re in charge and that is usually the recipe for success. In charge in the bedroom, not outside of the bedroom. Most men are not controlling enough in the bedroom, and then they’re too controlling outside of the bedroom. You need to be the opposite. She’s your intelectual equal outside of the bedroom, but she listens to what she’s told in a sexual context. When women say they wish their man would take control more, this is what they mean. And before you try to tell me oh my girl isn’t like that she’s an independent go-getter, realize that the women who are CEOs and doctors are usually the ones who desire this kind of thing the most. But they get it the least because men assume if she’s dominant in her day to day life she doesn’t want you to take control in the bedroom. This couldn’t be farther from the truth, it’s seen by these women as the only time they can truly let go and let someone else be in control. Same thing goes for women who are taller than you. Most men don’t have the balls to be dominant with a woman who’s taller or stronger than them, but it’s those women who get it the least, and who will appreciate it from you the most. Again, dominant, not domineering.

Those are just some examples of games you can play that are so far removed from what most men would do. This is the stuff that dreams are made of. And every attractive woman has been with at least one guy who kept constantly surprising and engaging her, and it really ruins it for every other man she dates because normal sex can never compete. Sex over the balcony, sex over the kitchen counter, kissing her neck while she’s cooking, making out under a tree in the park, fingering her in the car, these kinds of things.

Also, study books and more importantly, videos on body language!! If you can find the old Pickup 101 DVDs with Lance Mason those are the best. Whether you’re with a new girl or your wife, if you cannot read her body and know what she wants and give it to her before she knows she wants it herself, you’re causing yourself a lot of unnecessary drama! And sex is an incredibly intimate thing for a woman. Why should she give you her body if you can’t read it? You’re not going to know what to do with it anyway. This is why a lot of guys get shut down with girls they meet. They don’t realize they’re communicating very clearly to her that they have no idea how to read a woman’s body or touch her properly. Women can read you like a book because they’ve been honing their intuition and people skills since a young age, unlike men, who pay attention to things at a young age. Everything you touch needs to be dynamic and changing. Switching from slow to fast, soft to firm, etc. you have to constantly be engaging her mind so that she’s wondering what’s going to come next and has no idea but wants to find out. Women can tell how good of a lover you’ll be by the way you hold their hand, without even kissing you.

Read erotic women’s novels. You’ll start to realize just how much kinkier women are than men, and your whole worldview will shift. Also read some of the classic feminist novels for context like Simone de Beauvoir. Not the modern day extremist crap.

I cannot stress this enough. If you are anxious, she will be anxious too, and she will have a hard time orgasming depending on what her body is like. Not only are humans wired to mirror each other, but women want you to take the lead in the bedroom so if you lead them to anxiety they will follow suit. Or if they don’t get particularly anxious they will at least not be as comfortable and turned on as they could be. The more knowledge you have the less anxious you’ll be. Also do breathing exercises to ease your anxiety and get you into your body. If you’re in your head too much this stuff is going to feel forced. You want it to just flow. The more you learn, the more confident you will be in your abilities, and the less anxious you will be. If you haven’t spent time educating yourself, then you are basically just hoping the answers will come to you in a vision. And let me tell you, 98% of men do not educate themselves because they can’t handle the ego hit of feeling like they aren’t good at sex naturally. This means that when you are in that 2%, not just with sex, but with emotional connection, other men cannot hold a candle to you, and this is why so many relationships fall apart. Women have often had a man like that in their life previously and they resent their husband when he isn’t that guy. Sex is a learned skill, both the physical act and the intentions surrounding it. Would you go scuba-diving without taking lessons? No, so why do men think they’re going to be good at sex naturally based on intuition alone. Yes sex is a natural thing, and your natural instinct may show you how to put the penis in the vagina, but that doesn’t make you good at sex.

One thing to note: women often put men into a box. If you haven’t been the guy she does all of these exciting things with for the last 10 years you’ve been together, then it can be hard to make the transition. She doesn’t see you like that, she sees her badboy x like that. It’s a lot easier to adventure into this stuff when you’re seeing a new girl because she has no idea that you weren’t like this with your previous girlfriend (unless you come off as that unsure of yourself). Start slow, show her that you’re interested in being more adventurous, and gradually build it up. That will be better for your confidence and it will prevent a harsh transition that throws her. This kind of thing is the reason why men can’t get their girlfriend to do a three way with them. Because you’ve been dating for three years and that’s never been something you’ve done together, and now you’re trying to change that. Stuff like that needs to be done from the beginning to be effective. She thought your relationship was a certain way and she started building the plans in her mind for the future on top of that foundation and now you’re coming along and shaking that foundation telling her actually no, actually I want something completely different. It’s deceitful.

And don’t try to sit her down and verbally talk about doing more exciting stuff. That’s the least sexiest things in the world. I am not at all saying don’t communicate, and you MUST have a safe word, but sitting her down at the kitchen table and telling her “honey I think would like to do dirty talk with you” is the biggest turnoff possible, and puts too much pressure on the situation, because now you’ve set up expectations. Just do it, gauge how she responds, and recalibrate accordingly. Once you’ve dipped your toes in you can have a conversation about whew you want to take things. It’s the same thing as asking a girl if you can kiss her before you kiss her, which is literally the most cringe thing in the world for every girl. They always complain about shit like that. Take note of girls’ reactions next time you’re watching a movie and something like that happened. I was watching a show the other day with my sister and that happened and we just looked at each other and laughed. It demonstrates that you’re unsure of yourself. Just go for a kiss and if she isn’t into it, she’ll make it clear to you.

If you’ve been dating for a while and never done anything like this it will definitely take her by surprise, but when she questions you just say you were feeling the moment or something like that, don’t say “some stranger on the textile dysfunction app told me I should do this that it would make my sex life better.” And don’t talk about things you’ve done in the bedroom outside of a sexual context. When you do that you’re bringing an intimate, emotional experience that happened between you into her logical thinking brain. It’s disorienting, and makes her see that experience as a logical thing, when you want it to be imprinted in her emotional memory. It will make her not want to do things like that with you again. Discussing sexual experiences you’ve had together is a recipe for getting yourself into hot water over something ridiculous. What you do want to do though is make sure you’re spending affectionate time together after sex. This grounds her after a heightened experience. If you go back to your phone or go to sleep as soon as you bust a nut in her, she will feel used, like all you cared about was the sex and not the emotional connection. And the emotional connection is necessary for good sex. This is ESPECIALLY important if she just did something that could be deemed even remotely “slutty.” You have to bring her back into the Madonna frame of mind and show her that you appreciate what she just did for you and you don’t judge her for it. Remember, being a slut is not the same thing as being slutty. A slut is someone who sleeps with a lot of men. Doing adventurous, “slutty” things with the one man you’re committed to does not make a woman a slut.

You don’t have to identify with all of this stuff. You don’t need to become a player. But you do need to develop a deeper appreciation for women in their entirety that most men don’t have. Ok sorry I know I hit a lot of tangents…

I’ve been trying so hard not to masturbate but now I’ve gotten myself all horny!!


My Secret Garden/Forbidden Flowers
Come As You Are
She Comes First/He Comes Next
Steve and Vera Bodansky’s books
Barry Komisurak’s books
David Shade’s books
The Kinsey Reports
The Hite Reports
THE ALABASTER GIRL this will get your mindset right and drill into you an appreciation for women.

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By the way I did struggle with all of this until I started to learn, and I feel bad for my first couple girlfriends who didn’t get this version of me, but instead a stiff board that may have been good in bed on a technical level, but didn’t understand the ebbs and flows of sexuality or how to be a sexual creature.

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Hey some interesting stuff.

I admit I find some of this quite creepy and manipulative to be frank. Have you found this stuff due to ED or this app - basically why are u here?

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Sorry that doesn’t come across as I intended - I will look in to some of this but do find it a little creepy.

Probably shouldn’t have included specific examples. I understand they’re not necessarily relevant to everyone, I just came up with a few random instances. Definitely not the point I was trying to get across. Things only have to go as far as either person is comfortable with. There are plenty of people who aren’t comfortable with the kinkier stuff, and that’s fine. The point is that no one finds out new things they might be into without stepping outside of their comfort zone, and this gentleman was saying he was having trouble being creative. I have no way of knowing what he may or may not be into. There are a lot of forums full of millions and millions of women complaining anonymously that they’re not satisfied with their relationship and sex lives and their husbands have no idea. Then they get blindsided by a divorce that they had no idea was coming, but their wife has been planning it for 3 years. Just trying to get people to think outside of the box they put themselves in.

I’m not sure what part of this could possibly be interpreted as manipulative. If you’re thinking that the idea of hypnosis is manipulative, then you might now understand what real hypnosis is. It’s not forcing someone to do something they don’t want to. They’re not going to cluck like a chicken involuntarily. It’s communicating with the subconscious. Women have to be willing and open for hypnosis to work. They can stop listening at any time. And most women LOVE hypnosis. They get so excited about it. it’s fascinating to them. If you’re in a bar and the topic comes up they all scream “ooh ooh hypnotize me!” Women are far more intuitive than men. They’re tapped into a whole different layer of communication. They know what’s up. You’re not going to trick them into doing anything they don’t want to do. That’s not the point. Most women want desperately to explore their sexuality with a man they feel safe with, usually much more than men do, but they can’t do that if you can’t make them feel comfortable and seen without judgement.

Unnecessary tension and expectations are the cause of a lot of anxiety-induced ED. And women who don’t feel comfortable with their partner and his confidence in himself are closed off, causing tension. Man’s anxiousness makes woman feel anxious, makes man feel more anxious and get ED, makes him self-conscious and causes him to associate negative feelings with anything sexual, puts strain on rest of the relationship. It’s a vicious negative feedback loop.

I downloaded this app accidentally because I thought it was a no masturbation tracker. But I have had serious porn induced ED in the past. Ruined relationships because of it. I figured there were men on here who probably have ED and have no idea it’s being caused by their porn use and are wondering why pills don’t fix the problem, so I figured I would take a look. Perhaps not the place to drop so much information as I’m sure there are people of many different backgrounds but oh well.

No all fine thanks. I guess I resist some of the extent this seems to be the man’s problem - surely women can take charge of their own emotional states and sexual desires and drives rather than guys having to and doing what feels like training a dog to respond to voice command - I know I don’t really know what you have in mind here - i will look into it - that’s just my initial gut feeling!