Due to my anxiety, I often fall into routines, both in and out of the bedroom. As such, Iâve found I donât know a lot about myself, such as how I like to touch others or be touched. I also feel immensely anxious about the idea of being creative in the bedroom. If any of you struggled with this, how did you manage to work on overcoming it?
You need to read!! You should study tantra or modern tantra. You donât have to come up with these things yourself, itâs all been done for you, and you have access to everything on your phone if youâre willing to spend a few bucks. Everyone has different boundaries, and that goes for both you and her, but keep an open mind because I promise you thereâs stuff that youâll be horrified by at first and turn out to love down the line. And if somethingâs not for you, then itâs not for you. No harm, no foul.
https://couplesmassagecourses.com
Make sure you study massage. This guy is really good because itâs specifically couples massage. There are a lot of boundaries that a clinical massage therapist canât cross, and a whole new world of possibilities is opened up when you have the technique and anatomy knowledge of a massage therapist, but youâre allowed to touch her anywhere and orient yourselves in any position. For the most part, the only women who ever get this powerful of an experience are the ones who date a masseuse, because getting a professional massage canât come close. For example, sitting up in bed with her in between your legs facing in the same direction gives you a perfect way to massage her chest and collarbones while she feels like sheâs being held and rocked in your arms. And you can kiss her forehead. Positions like that which communicate safety are so incredibly important. Women cannot be turned in if they donât feel safe. A stress response will kill any chance of orgasm, which is why so many women have trouble reaching orgasm today because everyone is so stressed. Massage is also a great and natural way to escalate physical contact if youâre with a new partner. If a girl likes you and you give her an innocent hand massage thatâs better than anything sheâs ever had, sheâs going to ask you to do more in other places.
Also study erotic hypnosis. The Renegade Hypnotist is the best out there I think. Keep in mind that the physical act of intercourse is simply the culmination of sex. This is why men fail because they focus on intercourse, not the things surrounding it. To call it foreplay is shortsighted. When youâre holding the back of her neck and staring into her eyes, youâre having sex. That is in fact much more sexual than making out, and girls know it. If youâre waiting until youâre in bed at night to be romantic or sexual, itâs already too late to be thoroughly successful. Female orgasm is 95% mental, so focusing on exciting situations is key. Most men donât believe itâs possible to give women orgasms without touching them with just your voice, or by setting triggers on certain parts of their body like their earlobes. Once your voice is subconsciously associated with her orgasm, it becomes a whole lot easier to get her to cum. You can even tie her orgasm to the act of giving you a blowjob, which definitely provides a little incentive. Itâs easier than you might think if you put in the work and have a little faith. The brain is the bodyâs biggest sex organ, and itâs far more important for women.
Dirty talk is also important, and there is a lot of crossover between dirty talk and erotic hypnosis. I know dirty talk sounds mortifying to some men and it certainly did to me when I was younger but you can never truly excite a woman without it, not to the level thatâs possible anyway. But then again most men have no idea just how strong of a reaction is possible. You just have to dive right in and be assertive. It will definitely feel like itâs not you at first. It certainly did for me, but if you power through you will adjust pretty quickly and it will become you. Women need things described in vivid detail, and they need all of their senses stimulated, including smell. It really becomes quite easy once you get the hang of it. And itâs beyond effective. When youâre commanding her to repeat things, she believes them. If you say âYou canât help yourself around me, can you?â And she says âNo I canât.â And you say âI want to hear you say it, âI canât control my body around you daddy.ââ and she repeats that back to you, she will thoroughly believe it. Not that she wasnât already attracted to you, but the feelings will grow stronger. When you hear yourself saying something, you believe it. It doesnât matter that she said it because you told her to, it will become true. Thatâs why saying affirmations works better when you say them out loud. Itâs also why if you force yourself to grin ear to ear for 10 or 15 seconds, you will begin to feel happier. Your body tries to explain external things like that to itself in order to reconcile the occurrence.
And donât think just because your girl has never tried to initiate dirty talk with you that she doesnât want it. The vast majority of women like dirty talk, and if they donât, itâs probably because they arenât comfortable with themselves sexually, which is largely addressable with hypnosis. Some are shyer than others, but even the ones who would be confident doing it will not initiate it themselves. You have to go there first to unlock that map. This goes for a lot of things besides just dirty talk. Men think that because their woman has never tried to do something with them or verbally brought it up that means that she isnât into it. But women will never bring stuff like that up because theyâre afraid you wonât be into it and youâll judge them as a slut. Women are willing to do far more than men realize. But men try to verbally cajole women into doing things they want. When you focus on giving her extreme pleasure, she will want very badly to return the favor of heightened sexuality, and she will want desperately to ensure that sheâs satisfying you so that she doesnât loose you because most men canât make her feel like that. Men have no idea that they give off the vibe that theyâre going to judge her for doing adventurous things, or that theyâll go and tell their friends what she let them do. Discretion is one of the characteristics that women love most, whether itâs a casual fling or a marriage. There are also many things that women have never thought about, or perhaps thought they wouldnât like, but if the right guy takes them there with the right energy, they will be intrigued and follow. Another example is her touching herself. Most women wonât start touching themselves in front of a man unless theyâre either really comfortable with him because theyâre married, or theyâre really disappointed by the sex. This is because they know many men would see it as slutty, and because they know that many would feel insulted, as if sheâs doing it because his penis isnât enough. This can be the case but itâs usually not, so think of that kind of stuff as her doing the work for you. If sheâs touching herself while youâre penetrating her, sheâs not going to associate that incredible orgasm with her hand, sheâs going to associate it with you. Especially if youâre the one who put her hand on her clit and ordered her to do it.
I always do this thing where basically if youâre with a girl early on and thereâs some mild physical contact but you donât have sex, the next time she comes to your house l, you say âI know what you did Tuesday night after you left my house.â And sheâll play dumb and you say âyou were thinking about me, werenât you? You went home, and you crawled into bed, and you thought about what it wouldâve been like to be with me, and you took that little hand of yours and put it right there.â take her hand and put it between her legs and sheâll say âno I didnât!â And you say âYes you did, I know you did, I know you were wondering what it would be like to be misbehave for me. You canât fool meâ and then you get her to start touching herself right in front of you before youâve even had sex. This works especially well if sheâs sitting in front of you facing the same way because youâre not looking at her and she canât see you looking at her, so sheâll feel like sheâs not being judged. Itâs a subtle subconscious thing but itâs plausible deniability for her. She doesnât feel like all eyes are on her so she lets go. This whole situation not only communicates to her that you know exactly what sheâs up to, but it also cements this fantasy that she probably had, with the two of you together in person. Youâre connecting her secret fantasies that she has in private to the physical presence of yourself, and that is incredibly intimate and makes her feel like you understand her and can read her. Youâre also breaking the taboo of her touching herself in front of you, which makes her immediately feel a lot more open because she understands that youâre not like most other guys. You donât follow boring unspoken rules. I cannot overstate how impactful this kind of stuff is.
Another thing you can do, and this works especially well if she comes over to your house and you have some work to finish, is sit her down on the couch and tell her âDaddy needs to finish some work but youâre going to sit down right here, and youâre going to think about what daddyâs going to do to you when he finishes his work. And youâre going to touch yourself and get your body ready to take him.â And sheâll say âno please I want you to touch me. Please pleaseâ And you say âNo, Iâm not going to touch you until youâve already given yourself at least one orgasm thinking about me and youâve soaked all the way through your panties.â This gets her imagination flowing and takes care of the warmup without you even having to do anything! And you can get your work done! If thatâs not two birds with one stone, I donât know what is. Not saying you should be disengaged and leave it all to her, far from it, but it doesnât matter that youâre not involved because you told her to do it, and you told her to think about you. Girl LOVE to be told what to do in a playful way like this. You can also punish girls when theyâre late to meet you. If sheâs late, you tell her sheâs a bad girl and you wont tolerate that kind of misbehavior, and put her over your leg and spank her. Then start touching her between her legs from behind. If sheâs a really good girl and does something that makes you really happy, then you reward her by giving her what she wants. âFine, Iâll let you suck it, but only because youâre such a good girl.â
So if sheâs bad she gets it, and if sheâs good she gets it. Either way you both win! Sheâs not actually getting punished, and in fact the âpunishmentâ is more fun for most women then the âreward,â but youâre creating a framework where youâre in charge and that is usually the recipe for success. In charge in the bedroom, not outside of the bedroom. Most men are not controlling enough in the bedroom, and then theyâre too controlling outside of the bedroom. You need to be the opposite. Sheâs your intelectual equal outside of the bedroom, but she listens to what sheâs told in a sexual context. When women say they wish their man would take control more, this is what they mean. And before you try to tell me oh my girl isnât like that sheâs an independent go-getter, realize that the women who are CEOs and doctors are usually the ones who desire this kind of thing the most. But they get it the least because men assume if sheâs dominant in her day to day life she doesnât want you to take control in the bedroom. This couldnât be farther from the truth, itâs seen by these women as the only time they can truly let go and let someone else be in control. Same thing goes for women who are taller than you. Most men donât have the balls to be dominant with a woman whoâs taller or stronger than them, but itâs those women who get it the least, and who will appreciate it from you the most. Again, dominant, not domineering.
Those are just some examples of games you can play that are so far removed from what most men would do. This is the stuff that dreams are made of. And every attractive woman has been with at least one guy who kept constantly surprising and engaging her, and it really ruins it for every other man she dates because normal sex can never compete. Sex over the balcony, sex over the kitchen counter, kissing her neck while sheâs cooking, making out under a tree in the park, fingering her in the car, these kinds of things.
Also, study books and more importantly, videos on body language!! If you can find the old Pickup 101 DVDs with Lance Mason those are the best. Whether youâre with a new girl or your wife, if you cannot read her body and know what she wants and give it to her before she knows she wants it herself, youâre causing yourself a lot of unnecessary drama! And sex is an incredibly intimate thing for a woman. Why should she give you her body if you canât read it? Youâre not going to know what to do with it anyway. This is why a lot of guys get shut down with girls they meet. They donât realize theyâre communicating very clearly to her that they have no idea how to read a womanâs body or touch her properly. Women can read you like a book because theyâve been honing their intuition and people skills since a young age, unlike men, who pay attention to things at a young age. Everything you touch needs to be dynamic and changing. Switching from slow to fast, soft to firm, etc. you have to constantly be engaging her mind so that sheâs wondering whatâs going to come next and has no idea but wants to find out. Women can tell how good of a lover youâll be by the way you hold their hand, without even kissing you.
Read erotic womenâs novels. Youâll start to realize just how much kinkier women are than men, and your whole worldview will shift. Also read some of the classic feminist novels for context like Simone de Beauvoir. Not the modern day extremist crap.
I cannot stress this enough. If you are anxious, she will be anxious too, and she will have a hard time orgasming depending on what her body is like. Not only are humans wired to mirror each other, but women want you to take the lead in the bedroom so if you lead them to anxiety they will follow suit. Or if they donât get particularly anxious they will at least not be as comfortable and turned on as they could be. The more knowledge you have the less anxious youâll be. Also do breathing exercises to ease your anxiety and get you into your body. If youâre in your head too much this stuff is going to feel forced. You want it to just flow. The more you learn, the more confident you will be in your abilities, and the less anxious you will be. If you havenât spent time educating yourself, then you are basically just hoping the answers will come to you in a vision. And let me tell you, 98% of men do not educate themselves because they canât handle the ego hit of feeling like they arenât good at sex naturally. This means that when you are in that 2%, not just with sex, but with emotional connection, other men cannot hold a candle to you, and this is why so many relationships fall apart. Women have often had a man like that in their life previously and they resent their husband when he isnât that guy. Sex is a learned skill, both the physical act and the intentions surrounding it. Would you go scuba-diving without taking lessons? No, so why do men think theyâre going to be good at sex naturally based on intuition alone. Yes sex is a natural thing, and your natural instinct may show you how to put the penis in the vagina, but that doesnât make you good at sex.
One thing to note: women often put men into a box. If you havenât been the guy she does all of these exciting things with for the last 10 years youâve been together, then it can be hard to make the transition. She doesnât see you like that, she sees her badboy x like that. Itâs a lot easier to adventure into this stuff when youâre seeing a new girl because she has no idea that you werenât like this with your previous girlfriend (unless you come off as that unsure of yourself). Start slow, show her that youâre interested in being more adventurous, and gradually build it up. That will be better for your confidence and it will prevent a harsh transition that throws her. This kind of thing is the reason why men canât get their girlfriend to do a three way with them. Because youâve been dating for three years and thatâs never been something youâve done together, and now youâre trying to change that. Stuff like that needs to be done from the beginning to be effective. She thought your relationship was a certain way and she started building the plans in her mind for the future on top of that foundation and now youâre coming along and shaking that foundation telling her actually no, actually I want something completely different. Itâs deceitful.
And donât try to sit her down and verbally talk about doing more exciting stuff. Thatâs the least sexiest things in the world. I am not at all saying donât communicate, and you MUST have a safe word, but sitting her down at the kitchen table and telling her âhoney I think would like to do dirty talk with youâ is the biggest turnoff possible, and puts too much pressure on the situation, because now youâve set up expectations. Just do it, gauge how she responds, and recalibrate accordingly. Once youâve dipped your toes in you can have a conversation about whew you want to take things. Itâs the same thing as asking a girl if you can kiss her before you kiss her, which is literally the most cringe thing in the world for every girl. They always complain about shit like that. Take note of girlsâ reactions next time youâre watching a movie and something like that happened. I was watching a show the other day with my sister and that happened and we just looked at each other and laughed. It demonstrates that youâre unsure of yourself. Just go for a kiss and if she isnât into it, sheâll make it clear to you.
If youâve been dating for a while and never done anything like this it will definitely take her by surprise, but when she questions you just say you were feeling the moment or something like that, donât say âsome stranger on the textile dysfunction app told me I should do this that it would make my sex life better.â And donât talk about things youâve done in the bedroom outside of a sexual context. When you do that youâre bringing an intimate, emotional experience that happened between you into her logical thinking brain. Itâs disorienting, and makes her see that experience as a logical thing, when you want it to be imprinted in her emotional memory. It will make her not want to do things like that with you again. Discussing sexual experiences youâve had together is a recipe for getting yourself into hot water over something ridiculous. What you do want to do though is make sure youâre spending affectionate time together after sex. This grounds her after a heightened experience. If you go back to your phone or go to sleep as soon as you bust a nut in her, she will feel used, like all you cared about was the sex and not the emotional connection. And the emotional connection is necessary for good sex. This is ESPECIALLY important if she just did something that could be deemed even remotely âslutty.â You have to bring her back into the Madonna frame of mind and show her that you appreciate what she just did for you and you donât judge her for it. Remember, being a slut is not the same thing as being slutty. A slut is someone who sleeps with a lot of men. Doing adventurous, âsluttyâ things with the one man youâre committed to does not make a woman a slut.
You donât have to identify with all of this stuff. You donât need to become a player. But you do need to develop a deeper appreciation for women in their entirety that most men donât have. Ok sorry I know I hit a lot of tangentsâŠ
Iâve been trying so hard not to masturbate but now Iâve gotten myself all horny!!
Books:
My Secret Garden/Forbidden Flowers
Come As You Are
She Comes First/He Comes Next
Steve and Vera Bodanskyâs books
Barry Komisurakâs books
David Shadeâs books
The Kinsey Reports
The Hite Reports
THE ALABASTER GIRL this will get your mindset right and drill into you an appreciation for women.
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By the way I did struggle with all of this until I started to learn, and I feel bad for my first couple girlfriends who didnât get this version of me, but instead a stiff board that may have been good in bed on a technical level, but didnât understand the ebbs and flows of sexuality or how to be a sexual creature.
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Hey some interesting stuff.
I admit I find some of this quite creepy and manipulative to be frank. Have you found this stuff due to ED or this app - basically why are u here?
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Sorry that doesnât come across as I intended - I will look in to some of this but do find it a little creepy.
Probably shouldnât have included specific examples. I understand theyâre not necessarily relevant to everyone, I just came up with a few random instances. Definitely not the point I was trying to get across. Things only have to go as far as either person is comfortable with. There are plenty of people who arenât comfortable with the kinkier stuff, and thatâs fine. The point is that no one finds out new things they might be into without stepping outside of their comfort zone, and this gentleman was saying he was having trouble being creative. I have no way of knowing what he may or may not be into. There are a lot of forums full of millions and millions of women complaining anonymously that theyâre not satisfied with their relationship and sex lives and their husbands have no idea. Then they get blindsided by a divorce that they had no idea was coming, but their wife has been planning it for 3 years. Just trying to get people to think outside of the box they put themselves in.
Iâm not sure what part of this could possibly be interpreted as manipulative. If youâre thinking that the idea of hypnosis is manipulative, then you might now understand what real hypnosis is. Itâs not forcing someone to do something they donât want to. Theyâre not going to cluck like a chicken involuntarily. Itâs communicating with the subconscious. Women have to be willing and open for hypnosis to work. They can stop listening at any time. And most women LOVE hypnosis. They get so excited about it. itâs fascinating to them. If youâre in a bar and the topic comes up they all scream âooh ooh hypnotize me!â Women are far more intuitive than men. Theyâre tapped into a whole different layer of communication. They know whatâs up. Youâre not going to trick them into doing anything they donât want to do. Thatâs not the point. Most women want desperately to explore their sexuality with a man they feel safe with, usually much more than men do, but they canât do that if you canât make them feel comfortable and seen without judgement.
Unnecessary tension and expectations are the cause of a lot of anxiety-induced ED. And women who donât feel comfortable with their partner and his confidence in himself are closed off, causing tension. Manâs anxiousness makes woman feel anxious, makes man feel more anxious and get ED, makes him self-conscious and causes him to associate negative feelings with anything sexual, puts strain on rest of the relationship. Itâs a vicious negative feedback loop.
I downloaded this app accidentally because I thought it was a no masturbation tracker. But I have had serious porn induced ED in the past. Ruined relationships because of it. I figured there were men on here who probably have ED and have no idea itâs being caused by their porn use and are wondering why pills donât fix the problem, so I figured I would take a look. Perhaps not the place to drop so much information as Iâm sure there are people of many different backgrounds but oh well.
No all fine thanks. I guess I resist some of the extent this seems to be the manâs problem - surely women can take charge of their own emotional states and sexual desires and drives rather than guys having to and doing what feels like training a dog to respond to voice command - I know I donât really know what you have in mind here - i will look into it - thatâs just my initial gut feeling!